What is a "single" parent?
I was chewing this one over the other day. Exactly what do you think when you hear the words "single parent"?
I always thought it meant a parent with no spouse/partner who was raising child/children alone virtually without support from the other parent - neither emotional or financial. I didn't think it solely meant the marital status of the parent.
The reason I bring this up is because I remember my SO's ex was interviewed by the newspaper one time about property taxes being raised and she lamented to the reporter how difficult it was going to be for her to pay the increase, since she was a "single parent" with two kids and she might have to sell the house!
In this context, she made it seem as though she was all alone in the world (sob). (She also failed to mention to the reporter that the house was one of many her family owned outright, and they have significant cash income from rentals - but that is another story.)
I always wondered what my SO thought when he read that. Here he was paying a healthy amount of child support, medical expenses, etc. as well as regularly visiting his kids. How she could call herself a "single parent" in such a public way? Maybe it's semantics, but I think divorced mother/father would be more accurate, wouldn't it?
That was classless. My DH's
That was classless. My DH's ex acts like she does it all, too. Really uncool and annoying.
Does it upset your DH when
Does it upset your DH when she does? I can't imagine what these guys (primarily) feel like when their ex's talk about how they are "single mothers."
Oh yes. We always joke about
Oh yes. We always joke about how she makes him feel like he's behind or owes her or is a deadbeat dad in some way...when we have consistently gone above and beyond for her and the kids. Aggrieved and put-upon is her whole schtick.
Same here. As a real single
Same here. As a real single parent, I was always disgusted with the Girhippo playing the single parent card. She never was a single parent for more than 2 weeks but still collected all of Chef's income up to 6 mos. after the breakup . She immediately went on a quest for a sugar daddy. Yet she claims to be a "strong, independent, single mom." :sick:
BINGO!!
BINGO!!
A single parent is a parent
A single parent is a parent who isn't married.
I was a single parent,but that doesn't mean my son's father wasn't involved. He paid CS, spent time with our son....but that doesn't change the fact that I wasn't married.
Saying that I was a single parent is not a reflection on my son's father. It's simply a statement to describe my role. Some single parents have to do everything alone. Some have help. But both groups are still single parents.
I disagree. "Single" isn't
I disagree. "Single" isn't describing marital status here but "Parenting Status." I believe that, when MOST people hear the term "Single Mother" they think of someone who is shouldering the complete cost of raising her children, both in terms of time and other resources...i.e. the dad is not in the picture at all or very rarely, sporadically, unreliably.
Divorced moms who haven't remarried...but are receiving regular, reliable CS from the kids' father as well as regular visitation and other kinds of support from him are not single mothers, not in the way the term is usually meant and used.
I think BMs who refer to themselves as "single mothers" in the newspaper (or at church, in the case of our BM) in order to get sympathy and support from people when their Ex is heavily involved in caring for the kids are classless and low-life. Our BM's church treats her like she's a widow or has somehow been abandoned, as do her parents, and that hurts DH's feelings. We live less than five minutes away, and we have gone above and beyond for her and the kids since day one. She certainly has a far more cushy situation than we have...and then her church goes and gives her $300 at Christmas to "help with the expenses of the kids." I call BS.
What about women who refer to
What about women who refer to themselves as SMs who are:
Not married
Not married and only see the kids during the summer
Not married and have not had contact with the kids for years
Single parent has nothing to do with the other parents involvement. It's just another battle in the mommy wars.
I know plenty of single fathers. Some with involved moms and some with the typical dead beat moms. None of the men, nit pick about which of them are TRUE single parents. :? They are all singlee parents.
I'm not married and have no
I'm not married and have no interest in a marriage ceremony: I never did, even as a child. However I have been with my SO for over 10 years, have helped care for his daughters (with whom I have a great relationship) throughout that time, and am an equal partner in my home. I consider myself a SM, even if I don't wear a wedding ring.
And I consider it one of the hardest roles I have ever been called upon to fulfil.
Huh? What does that have to
Huh? What does that have to do with anything?
The question the OP asked was...what do people normally THINK of when they hear "single mom." I disagree that most people think the "single" applies only to marital status. The word is meant to conjure up respect and sympathy...doing it all alone, raising good kids despite the odds, etc. That's how I've always heard it used (in the news, by comedians, on TV shows, etc.) The question was not...what does it technically mean or, even further afield, what about people who call themselves SMs but aren't, but how is the term used in everyday speech.
I have plenty of divorced and not remarried friends who don't ever refer to themselves as "single mothers" because they have lots of support from the father.
THIS!! When the term is
THIS!! When the term is used, it is usually to evoke sympathy. Someone who is getting sufficient CS, in my books is NOT a TRUE single parent.
I disagree, think.... I was
I disagree, think....
I was the sole parent in my home. I was a single parent. Before he was remarried, Asshat was the sole parent in his home. He was a single parent. When he got remarried, he was no longer a single parent.
I received child support. For most of the time, I had the kids the majority of the time. I didn't call myself a single parent for sympathy.
I called myself a single parent because I had children and I was single.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"Single Parent" drives a lot
"Single Parent" drives a lot more sympathy for the "victim" than Divorced Parent Remember... perception is reality. An interesting benefit of single parenhood... at least for men apparently.... is that women seem to flock to a dad who is spending time with their young child.
When my DW was working on her undergrad and I was working full time and going to grad school a couple of times a week, usually on the weekends, I would take the Skid out for lunch at a place with a play scape and tables where I could study while he ran amok. McD's, Pandamonium, Kid's Space, parks, etc..... Invariably I would get hit on due to the appearance that I was a single father.
On one notable occassion we went hiking at Enchanted Rock State Park. That trip was a family trip including my family, my brother's family, and our parents. Mom, DW, and my SIL were sun bathing on one slope near the top of the rock and I was goofing off with the kids. My son sat on a cactus while running around. He screamed at the top of his lungs "Daddy, I have pokies in my butt!!!" I began to address the situation when about a dozen bikini clad young women instantly marterialized around us with all kinds of skin products, first aid kits, etc........ My wife's women's 6th sense apparently starting pinging and she homed in on the rescue the kid's butt from cactus spines situation and walked over and gave me a "Honey, what is going on?" The bikini squad disappeared instantly. Once my status was confirmed none of those young ladies were interested in rescuing the kid's butt any longer.
The label of "Single parent" seems to have some stroke in the dating world and as your BM's TV interview indicates... with the media also.
The commercial also needs to
The commercial also needs to feature the adult mini wife, the 30 year old pothead jobless moocher who still lives in the basement, and the perpetual guilty dad who regularly transfers loads of money to his adult children and ex wife.
"I feel like we need
"I feel like we need commercials on tv warning young people of the dangers of being a step parent." And I really DIDN'T know what I was getting into when I married him. Sure would like to see one of those commercials. Society needs to be educated.
This prompted me to wonder about step family statistics. What was found is very interesting - although these statistics have never, as far as I know, been communicated to the general public.
One paragraph stated, "A Boston University psychologist researcher reported that of the career women who earned over $100.000 and had married men with children over 75% said that, "if they had do it again they would NOT marry a man with children." - See more at: http://www.stepfamily.org/stepfamily-statistics.html#sthash.P4eIdEdu.dpuf
Single parent=parenting alone
Single parent=parenting alone IMO. Other parent is dead, unidentified, uninvolved, in jail long-term, etc.
Well, if all it means is
Well, if all it means is marital status, then "divorced parent" would be more accurate anyway since,by the government/IRS definition, the term "Single" means never married.
I have an older coworker who
I have an older coworker who was talking about this. He was saying how his mom was a "single parent" because his dad had died. By marital status she was a widow. But in her role as parent, she was single/alone.
In those days, he said the level of government support was not what it is now and his mom had to work three jobs to keep the family together. He said she would always feed the kids first and sometimes there wouldn't be enough left for her to eat. But she managed to keep a roof over their heads and eventually she met another man who married her. He said he and his siblings had great respect for this man and truly connected with him. When they called him "dad" they really meant it. They mourned his passing (like their biological father's) and still refer to him as "dad" all these years later.
In my definition(and obviously in his) his mom was a "single parent".
Why do people think single
Why do people think single mom=struggling financially and/or receiving government assistance? Maybe that's why people are bothered by the term
I was a single mother who earned much more than my son's father and never received any handouts from the government. As a matter of fact, my income saved my son's dad's ass. Thanks to my salary and awesome benefits, the amount of CS he was required to pay was very low. Due to my income, CS decreased every 3 years. Although he was ordered to provide medical insurance for our son, he never had to because I was able to get free family coverage through my union.
His daughter's mother was the exact opposite. She made it here business to live up to every BM stereo type. She refused to get off her ass and get an education and a job.
We were both single mothers. We both received CS (she only $50 a month because 5 he state took the rest to cover all of her handouts). Our kids had vastly different childhoods and college options because of the career choices we each made.
But we were both single mothers.
the definition of single
the definition of single parent/single mother is an uncouple individual, that basically has arisen due to death of the partner, divorce or unplanned pregnancy.
A single parent is a person
A single parent is a person who has a child, but is single. As in not married.
Doesn't matter if you are a male or a female. If you aren't married, you are single. If you have a child, you are a parent.
Not sure why this is even a debate or why it comes up here from time to time...
Why does the word "single"
Why does the word "single" have to be invoked at all. Why not just I'm a mom, I'm a dad.
This is just my opinion.... People that feel the need to elaborate on their "status" (i'm a single mom, i'm a single dad) are looking for attention. **shrugs shoulders**
IGO, I think you hit the nail
IGO, I think you hit the nail on the head with your last sentence! Key words: "looking for attention."
My SO's ex used that term to elicit sympathy, attention, etc. from the newspaper readers (and I'm sure anyone else since the divorce) who she could con into thinking she was "alone" ... burdened with the heavy task of worrying about raising her two poor children! Blech.