Long-time lurker, first-time poster. Long rant ahead.

I had to fight with my husband for years (even before we got married) to convince him that his daughter wasn't hitting her developmental milestones on time.

When I met her, she was 1. At that age, she was not sitting up, much less crawling. She could not lift her head or feed herself. Putting her to bed was (and still is) a complete nightmare - she would scream incessantly for hours, regardless of the temperature/light level/sound level/presence of others, often getting less than 6 hours of sleep.

At 2 years old, she was sitting up, crawling, etc., but she still wasn't standing or walking. She wasn't toilet trained until she was 4. And now, at almost 7 years old, has only just recently begun using two or more words in phrases, which are barely legible.

Like I said, I begged my husband from the time she was about 2 to consider that she may be developmentally delayed. He wouldn't hear it. He is abnormally attached to his mother, who also insisted for years that there was nothing wrong with her perfect granddaughter (and she's a special ed teacher, for crying out loud).

Finally, when SD's preschool teacher brought up the high likelihood that SD was delayed, he begrudgingly had her assessed. That was when the chromosomal defect was discovered - a 12p microdeletion that, surprise surprise, runs in BM's family. (To give a little background, BM is a girl my husband dated for 3 months in college, got pregnant, and shotgun-married. She has a sister with this same chromosomal defect who cannot function on her own.)

With that in mind, SD began getting speech therapy at school. Fast forward to today. She was diagnosed with ADHD about 6 months ago. I mentioned to him about 2 years ago that she was showing many classic signs (e.g. hand flapping, no eye contact), but again, he wouldn't hear it. At the insistence of SD's psychiatrist, she was tested last month, and her level of autism is considered "moderate".

I get no help in managing her various disabilities. BM insists that the meds will ruin SD's life somehow, so she doesn't give them to her, despite being begged by SD's teacher. My husband does not remember to keep up with SD's psychiatry appointments or medication refills. He can't even remember to give her the medication in the first place. I have to make sure that SD gets her Adderall and three doses of Guanfacine every day, or else she is a screeching, violent mess.

And now, like I said, it's been about 6 months since she started taking meds for ADHD. Her doses/frequency/etc. have been changed several times by the psych. The new regimen worked for about 3 weeks, but now she's back to her old self. I realize that these conditions aren't her fault, but I'm at the end of my rope with this nonsense. Even on her medication, she is absolutely unbearable. Cruel to animals, prone to tantrums and meltdowns which involve hitting us and throwing things, can't/won't do anything by herself, the list goes on endlessly.

I don't know if I can handle any more changes to her meds if there's even a slight chance she'll get worse. I'll probably make another post on another forum explaining our situation more fully, but I wanted to hear specifically from step-parents with disabled skids first.

Thanks for reading this absurdly long post. Would love to hear everyone's thoughts.