Stressed out!
My fiance had court for his daughter my SD4 recently. It was the initial hearing which obviously went nowhere. But this entire issue has been extremely stressful on me. I love my SD4 as if she were my own, so I kind of get mama bear over her. However the issue we are trying to work on is summertime visitation. We will have her full time during the school year with mom getting every other weekend but her mom wants to get her for all summer with us getting only 4 weeks no weekend visits or anything. So obviously we aren't Okay with that.
This stress has taken over my life. I can't read more than a few pages of a book without having to put it down because I can't concentrate. My mind is fixated on the possibility of losing her in our home and the effect it would have on her and my BS4 since they spend everyday together, it's hard when they are apart for just one weekend.
Essentially, I'm just wondering if it's time for me to disconnect myself from everything? I don't want to seem like I don't care about the outcome because I definitely do. And I'm going to be involved in court since I have witnessed her refusing multiple scheduled visits. And I feel horrible because recently the only thing that makes me feel any better is when I tell myself we would at worst get 4 summer weeks, and when she's not there then my son will get 1 on 1 time with me which would be beneficial for him. But I just don't feel right loosing my fight
By losing my fight I mean, my
By losing my fight I mean, my will to fight for the summer to have my sd4 to keep myself from stressing out, not the court issues.
I understand what i want
I understand what i want holds no value and that she's not my child. But her mother wasn't involved for 2 years which is why my SO filed for custody. However as soon as she was served the papers she magically cares. And we're looking to split the summer 50/50 with her. But she says because she decided she doesn't want her in the school year she gets the summer. Anyway I'm getting upset just talking about it. Any tips on how I can emotionally disconnect from the whole court situation so I can be less stressed out. I want to be able to breathe again.
You need to change your
You need to change your perspective. While you may miss her while she is gone, that little girl needs her mother. I can't stand my SS5's BM and no matter how little of time he spends with her he always comes back moody and completely different from the child that left us BUT he needs his mother. Also consider the less time the girl spends with her mother, the more fantastical she will seem to her. It's not hard to be the perfect mom for four-six days out the month but keeping the act up for weeks at a time would be impossible. I don't agree with y'all only getting four weeks in the summer, but there are other ways to split it up. It could be 2-2-3 split, 7-7 split, or whatever. To fight the extended weeks gone, your attorney should bring up the girls age, stability of being with y'all all year then uprooting her for the summer, and also things like childcare. Who will the girl stay with when she is at her mom's during the Summer? Most jobs don't align with school breaks and parents have to resort to daycare. It's a good arguement that there's no reason to take SD out of yalls home to send her to live with BM who sends her to a daycare provider most days. Again it's a bit much for a four year old and a lot of unnecessary movement when 7/7 in the summer is the norm for most kids and is fair.
I am not sure that BM getting
I am not sure that BM getting all summer is likely. I doubt it. In most cases I am aware of the summer is usually split somewhat equitably between the CP and NCP. In our case SS spent 5 weeks in SpermLand for summer visitation. We got the rest of the summer and could take 10 days with him in SpermLand anytime following the first 2wks of his SpermClan visitation if we chose to. After our 10 days the remainder of their 5wks continued.
As for what you want having no value... that is the case only if your DH takes that stance. You have every right that your DH will fight to have for himself. You are equity life partners and equity parents to any children in your marital home regardless of the biology of those kids.
BM abandoned her kid during the school year and now thinks because she abandoned her kid for 90% of the year she gets the summer... good luck with that one BM.
I find that the best way to deal with this crap is to confront the manipulator/blended family opposition with every legal, financial, and character tool at my disposal. It beats being morose and depressed over things that I cannot control.
When I was feeling vulnerable in our blended family situation and ongoing battles with the SpermClan I would dig deeper into research, investigation, and preparations to bare SpermClan ass in court, in the community, and financially. That made me feel much better and far more in control.
Good luck.