DH doesn't parent
What should I do if DH doesn't parent his son during visitation? We are long distance so SS13 comes for a few weeks in the summer and holidays and we go awhile before seeing him again. DH can't take off that much work while SS visits, so he's usually working his normal long hours and I'm left with SS. He's 13 so there are no camps and he's untrustworthy and can't stay home alone. He wants SS to follow my rules for the house and basically parent SS. It's not so he can be the fun parent...he's basically a non existent parent that works, while I do everything else. We have a traditional marriage and it works for us. But when SS is around, I am especially resentful. I have mentioned to DH he should just take a shorter visitation and take off a week of work and spend it with SS and us as a family. But he doesn't want BM to think that we won't take him for longer. When SS is here, DH just wants SS to be around, but not parent him or spend any quality time with him. BTW BM doesn't parent either, SS is mostly left to his own devices while he lives with her. I just don't know what to do.
Are you at stay at home
Are you at stay at home parent to other kids while DH is at work? Do you and DH gave kids together?
I ask not because it makes a huge difference in right/wrong but in the practical options in front of you.
If you don't parent other kids maybe just schedule time away for the time when SS visits. Give DH notice that oops that falls during your trip to see your Favorite Aunt Millie or your sister's big birthday etc? Just plan not to be home. It's not your job to entertain this child. It's dh's visitation time with his kid he hardly ever sees.
If you do stay home to parent other kids, you may also have options like, scheduling the other kids' doctors and dentists appointments and play dates or camps and make yourself extremely busy with those... And I guess SS could come with, but better and more fun for him if he has a scheduled activity not at home.
Or just say to DH that this doesn't make any sense -his child doesn't come out to spend quality time with you, dad's wife. He comes to see his dad.
My DH does this to me sometimes and I have had to say this. He doesn't really get it and usually acts like I'm being selfish or uncaring but what can you do.... Truly this isn't your responsibility.
I thought the whole point of
I thought the whole point of visitation was that the child/young person can spend time with their non custodial parent?
If he's not doing this, I really can't see the point of him even coming - especially as you say your DH works long hours. Sounds as if DH doesn't actually want to be a parent at all - but that being the case - it is certainly not YOUR job to pick up the slack.
Simply disengage... When Dh
Simply disengage...
When Dh is not there, you parent, SS will ignore you which is fine, you tried lol... When Dh is there you force him to parent and you simply say DH, he's your son and he came to visit you, stop watching TV and do something with him, take him to the movies, burger hut or what ever...
this gives you an hour skid free and DH can babysit lol...
simply step back and let DH handle it when SS is there, SS asking for food - you reply with ASK YOUR DAD....
SS asking for anything - that will be your answer.
Decide if your willing to
Decide if your willing to keep doing this. If not then you make him step up or you leave. Remember the boy is his child. What wpuld he do without you there. He can only do what you allow.