Will it get better?
Will it get better now that there is less visitation? He went from full-time to every other weekend (Friday through Sunday), every other holiday, and a month in the summer. The court battle is also over because they reached an agreement. I was on the verge of ending our relationship, it was miserable. I basically went from helping with everything to helping with nothing. SD6 is away for a previously scheduled summer vacation, 2 months and everything is wonderful! His parents are not taking the news very well, but this was his decision. There was constant fighting between him, the BM, and the maternal GMA for over 2.5 years, and I think he couldn’t do it anymore, especially without me helping.
I guess I'm just wondering if I'm living in a fairy tale to think it will be much better now. I backed away because of the fighting and this expected role "mother" I was supposed to take on. Part of me isn't fooled though, and thinks there will always be drama. I just want a simple, traditional family. I come from a conservative family, and like the way I was raised mom, dad, and brother. I don't want the mess involved, but I can't help but feel my fiancé wants the same. He doesn't want the drama and he also grew up in a typical family. He's very laid back and hates dealing with the constant threats and demands from the other side.
The short answer is yes and
The short answer is yes and no in equal proportions. There will be good months and bad. There will be days of acceptance and others where he will regret his decision. ((hugs)) Good luck
If the BM is high conflict
If the BM is high conflict then the drama will continue. Now instead of complaining that your DH is "controlling everything" or "pushing her out" or whatever, it will be more like "you're a deadbeat" "you never see your kid anymore" "he lives with me more now so I need more money". For him, it will never end until the kid is 18 and even then that's not always true. For you I think since the percentage of time with the skid has gone down, your partner will probably expect you to engage with the kid when he is over and for varies events.
I agree with this. A high
I agree with this.
A high conflict BM will always be high conflict. If it is not one thing, it will be another. What needs to happen are boundaries. And your dh needs to know that when skid is there, you are like an aunt, you are to be respected but not expected to provide or do anything for the kid.
You have to know that you will never have the traditional family, because you married a guy who had one once and divorced. You have to create a family that is yours and his only, with a skid. The bm should be a nonissue.
Yes it will get better. It
Yes it will get better. It can all be better but only if you and DH are a team, set your standards of acceptable behavior for the BM, BGM, and the skid and enforce those standards relentlessly.
A kid will only be as toxic as the non toxic parent will tolerate. If zero toxicity is accepted, there will be very little toxicity from the spawn. As for the adults in teh blended family opposition.... bring the pain. They will learn to stay in line though they will never quit testing the boundaries of acceptable behavior or the commitment you and your DH have in enforcing those boundaries.
Zero tolerance. It works.