Depends, do you think this is mission impossible? You are absolutely going in the right direction, because if your wife is unable to parent her daughter enough to respect you in your own home, there is no woman or man worth taking this abuse. What, she calls you names like that???? Nobody would blame you for not being able to pretend to like a person using profanity at you. Your doormat wife, who is not requiring an apology, nor respect, apparently sees no need (like so many remiss parents), to hold their own child accountable for being a decent human being. These poorly raised kids do not even respect their own parent(s), it is so sad. If they did, they would never act like this in the first place.

If I had to be around mine (husband does not insist I do), this marriage would be over too. It is a shame because I would have loved it to work, but in just did not; he like your wife, cannot seem to correct them or step up to the parent role ever, regardless of what they say or do to others (and it is not limited to me). They have turned out accordingly. We have a wonderful marriage, as long as I never have to see or hear from them now. It actually was a life changer to erase them from my life and marriage. HE has to deal with their BS now, not me, as it should be. it is not perfect, but I cannot tell you how much better I am, without the stress and being target of whatever their dysfunction.

You are on the right track by protecting yourself from this on-going and supported abuse of you. If you cannot get it through your wife's head that you are her husband and she continues to drop all this in your lap, regardless of how you feel, you may start some strategic planning to find a happier way to live. I would.

Doesn't sound like your wife listened to a word you said. Doesn't sound like your opinion matters. Just move on, she says. Otherwise, you're making life difficult for her and she doesn't want that. On top of that, you're expected to be babysitters for SD's kids every weekend? No thanks. I would be out.

"My wife says I need to forget about it and move on.".. Not only would I move on..I'd move right on out.

No way would I live with someone who has so little respect for me that they'd allow their adult kid talk to me like shit and then be told to get over it. Eff that noise sideways.

It sounds like DW expected you to suck up and take SD's abuse like she probably has for many years. DW read you the text, when she should have kept it to herself and dealt with her daughter separately. She threw this nastyness in your face then tells you just to forget it. It's good that you're setting boundaries w/SD and not allowing her to disrespect you in your own home.

I'd tell DW that SD can come around after she gives you a face to face sincere apology for her text (don't worry, this will probably won't happen anytime soon if ever). Then let DW know that you prefer her to keep communications between her and SD to herself, even if it's about you. After several months of passive aggresive second hand messages from ss, I had to tell DH that I didn't want him to tell me anything that ss32 said about me. I honestly don't care what a jobless, stoned 32 yr old manchild thinks of me.

Maybe being single is best for you or maybe DW can teach her daughter some manners and you two can live happily ever after.

Would it make any difference if SD apologized? I believe that the real problem is with your wife and how she has chosen to disrespect your boundaries. I think a serious conversation with her would be in order.

Wow! Just incredible. Rude & abusive skids and the "your insignificant" statements from bio-parents.

"forget about it", "move on", "that's history", "press on", "suck it up", "water off a ducks back", "its no big deal", etc. It's like you are supposed to be the middle of an oreo cookie, soft & sweet while being pressed on each side.

I can relate with you but at the moment I suck at boundaries so I really don't have any advise.

I watched a "Judge Judy" episode the other day. BM and Stepdad suing the stepdaughter for throwing a fit and breaking their big screen tv and damaging their car. Unemployed irresponsible SD lived in state provided housing. SD wanted her bm to watch an irresponsible friends baby for an undetermined amount of time (possibly weeks or months), and became angry when stepdad said "NO!" The sd had the nerve to say that it was between her & her mom and none of stepdads business.

I loved Judge Judy's reply "He is not delivering a pizza, he lives there!"

Sometimes it just seems like we are delivering pizza

All I can say is Good Luck!

I gave my adult SS now 32 multiple chances over the past almost decade. Even DH acknowledges that I tried. That ship has sailed, been torpedoed and sunk.

SS is no longer allowed in my home even if I am out of town. My DH can have whatever relationship he wants with his son and grandson. Just not in MY homes.

Works perfectly for me. And if it's not perfect for DH, he's smart enough to keep his mouth shut and not complaint.

My wife and I just went through something similar with her youngest son. He is 19, and an adult. He is extremely bipolar to the point that he flies into rages and gets violent. He knows he has a problems with his mental health, but won't do anything to help himself. He is also a drug user. About a month ago, we found out he was on a bus heading back to where we live. I believe he had every intention of trying to force himself in with us. I asked my wife if her son was carrying. She said she didn't know, and gave me a kind-of wishy washy statement about trying to find out. I texted her son directly, and told him if he brings any drugs through the door, I call the cops. His reply?

"You know you're a real piece of shit. Just because you can't see your fucking mom doesn't mean I don't want to see mine. I AM HER FUCKING KID. YOU'RE JUST SOME PIECE OF SHIT SHE MARRIED. I KNOW SHE CAN AND HAVE SEEN HER DO BETTER THAN YOU. CALL THE COPS ON THAT ASSHOLE."

My mom passed away from cancer when I was 21. I decided right then that he has talked like that to me for the last time. I blocked his phone numbers, and blocked every other way he could possibly try to contact me. I told my wife that our marriage is over if her son sets one foot in the house. She will start having my back with him, or I'm out. I was ready to pull the plug. I had had enough. She can have her relationship with her son, but leave me out of it. I will not be around him, and will not have my children around him. I'll end the marriage to make sure we are safe if that's what it takes. Under no circumstances is this person to step foot in the house. I can't make the decision for her to stop putting up with his abuse, but I am making it for myself and my two young sons. If it means the end of the marriage, then that's what it means. I was done.

We've had a tense month. My wife has continually enabled her son regarding his behavior. He had gotten used to using rage and abuse to get what he wants. She started going to counseling to get better at dealing with him. I'm really proud of her for this. Our marriage is getting back on track. I will have nothing more to do with her son. If he was drowning, I'd toss him a brick. He is abusive to everyone around him, dropped out of high school, won't work, and uses drugs. He's done everything he can think of to split us up.

MATHFED One of my ds is also an addict and alcoholic. He was beaten really badly, both his jaws were fractured and his mouth had to be wired shut. He eye socket was also damaged apart from other things. He had no place to go, so I took him him, for him to heal. He could not do drugs while in my home and he started to heal. My place is small and it was a trial having him hear him constantly moaning, both of us being indoors all day, as the temps. were reaching 115 degrees outdoors. He was with me about 2 monthsl, after a while he would go out once in a while. He was still not completely healed and one day he came home and I suspected he was on something, he went into his room to take a nap, a little while later I went in to retrieve something that I needed that he had taken into his room. As I bent down he woke up and started to rage at me, I walked out and went into the living room, he came after me at got right in my face, he is 6'2" calling me a F**king whore and so forth, I thought he was going to beat me up. It was then that I realized that this was not my son, as he had become another person under the influence. I got my phone to call the police, and asked him to leave. He took my phone but thankfully he knew I was serious and walked out, on the way out he was making fun of me and still raging.

That is when my heart hardened and I made a vow that I would never see him again until he got treatment and his life in order. He was so used to me helping him before. I realized that I had been enabling to become what he became. Thereafter, he would come knocking at my door begging me to open it. One time through the door he said he had just gotten out of the hospital, had no place to go, and needed help. Through the door I told him again," I do not ever want to see you until you get your life in order", he even asked for a glass of water as it was over 100 degrees outside. I refused to do even that, as I would not open my door under any circumstance. I have not seen him since and it has been at least 8 months. I imagine he will come knocking again. However, should I give in until he gets treatment, I am contributing to his substance abuse. He is my son and I love him, however I will die without ever seeing him again if he does not help himself. I will not give in one inch, as I could not live with myself should something happened to him because of substance abuse. I have tried to get him into a program before and he has refused many times. Time to let go and let God and that is how I have dealt with my son. My resolute is made out of concrete on this issue.

Your wife is contributing to her son being the way he is and unless she stops what she has been doing, he will get worse. You are absolutely right in protecting your self and your children. Do not give in under any circumstance, it may help if you explain to your dw that you will not enable your ss to be the person he has become or worse, because it will end in a bad place for him. Stand your ground, and it sounds that you have. Your dw seems to have chosen you by going to therapy, however if she sees you weakening on your stance it will be easy to go back to how things have been, as that is all she has known, and that is what has been normal for her.

Way to go on rejecting such awful and cruel behavior from ss!

I am not one to consider ending a marriage due to a SKid's bullshit but..... if your DW cant figure out that there needs to be established and enforced behavioral standards in the home and that she needs to hold her kid accountable then she may be a write off.

Good luck and take care of you.