Anyone with a grubby teen SD?
So my SD has been gone for 2 days and I spent most of yesterday cleaning out her room - I asked her before she left if she'd taken care of everything in her room and she said yes - well - apparently not - so I wonder if this is normal bahaviour or is she really just incredibly grubby? I find in her top drawer endless empty wrappers from pop tarts that she loves to eat (why not throw the wrappers out?) I find dirty laundry shoved under her bed (the laundry hamper is right outside her bedroom) but even more disgusting is that I have to unravel her dirty - and I mean dirty - underwear from out of her jeans - I find stale pee in the toilet - hey - there's a handle to flush just a few inches away - I find clothes crumpled up and thrown in a corner in her closet - oh that's right I just laundered those and hung them up for you - I find a bag of clothes in our garage with a bunch of dirty underwear - what's with her and the dirty underwear - I find old used band aids lying around our house - I find apple cores in my garden that she's thrown from a window - I wonder if this is typical behaviour or if she has a problem - a family member said she smelled of b.o. at the weekend. I talk to my husband about it and he thinks it's kinda funny. I don't know if it's a teenage thing, I think not since I wasn't that way or whether maybe she likes to irritate me - the mind boggles.
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It Maybe a Teenage Thing
Cindy-
I had a stepdaughter who was Jekyll and Hyde-one of the reason for her rebellion was that our home was as neat as a pin. More like a model home, especially after my husband and I decided to put the house on the market. Well, biomom is an absolute PIG and both my stepkids prefer to live like slobs. You could have actually had the health department come in and condemn her place it was so bad. I'm talking the carpet smelled like piss. Whether or not you are raised that way, there seems to be something with the teenage rebellion, laziness, and total lack of cleaniness. It totally drives me up the wall. My SD did everything she knew my husband and I couldn't stand and found distasteful. But it isn't just in today's society. My younger adopted sister was the same way with my Mom. And she stunk like hell. She also ran away. Most of the these kids are pretty defiant and are problems in school as well. My stepdaughter was no angel either. The things she did broke my heart. But neither my husband nor I could live with her in our home making the rules. So, we she ran off to her Mom's that's where she stayed because she wasn't going to be making the rules anymore. I wish I could tell you something positive, but I hope your husband will come to the reality that isn't funny and support you.
Regards,
Sweetie
Thanks Sweetie
I just keep picking up and cleaning up after her but to tell you the truth I'm sick of it - the problem is my husband's a bit of a lazy bones - he'll do stuff but in his own time and often he lets the kids run ragged - I always try to get on top of it before they return so I can then be on top of them but often other pressures prevent me from doing so - I guess I make excuses for my 9 yr old SS but at almost 14 my SD should be blossoming into a young lady and all I see is a dirty lying demanding spoiled diva - it sometimes makes me sad then I think well I can only do so much to help her - she will be what she will be. I've started to take things off her to try to punish her like clothes or her cell phone but she just returns to the same way - I hate cleaning up after them - I'm a neat freak like you so I get very agitated with this. I need drastic action I think.
It ain't a teenage phase....
It is not a phase they go through. I believe it is from how she was brought up since early age of 3 yrs old. If a child was never educated from the start then this habit continues til adult age. Sometimes it's a parent who is messy and does not take care of themselves and it rubs off onto the child. I have witnessed all this from my very close friend and families. Mother is a mess so her daughter is the same. It's like an identical person doing the same bad habit. My niece and nephew ages 6 and 8 are a mess too, they don't flush the toilet after use, eat everywhere in the house and don't clean it up, leaving food to mold & rot, rooms are a mess. They are not taught by both parents and therefore you have 2 messy little children and they will carry this on forever if they don't stop it now. So my suggestion is to set up chores for her and walk her through it one by one and tell her and show her how you want things done. Teenage body odor smells pretty bad too, suggest her to get strong, and I mean strong deodorant and bathe regularly maybe even 2x a day if you have to. I have nieces and nephews who have bad B.O. and boy it is unpleasant, I even had to tell their parents to change the deodorant because it wasn't doing the job. You might have to start a reward and punishment plan to effectively get this chores done. Good luck. Start now before it's too late.
Biomoms are usually not clean freaks
Cindy,
You'll find that in the majority of cases you'll find that many biomoms want to "live and let live" and it doesn't matter where they take their clothes off, whether the toilet is flushed, or if the bills are paid. In essence, your stepkids will just adore this laissez faire attitude because they can do as they please. And biomom will say your attitude is "too rigid". Believe me, I've heard it before. Unfortunately, I can't live with mold and roaches. This is one of those things where you have to pick and chose your battles. And to me, this was a pretty important one.
Good luck.
Regards,
Sweetie
You're right on that one
Biomom thinks that we are too strict and have too many rules. They are simple rules. You know like a set bedtime. Dinner before 8pm. Make your bed. Brush your hair and teeth. Wash your hands after using the bathroom and before eating. Put your clothes in the hamper. You get the point. Not that difficult. Biomom doesn't have 99% of those rules at her house.
Dawn