Lots of Things on the Go
Hi Everyone,
I haven't been posting much lately...lots going on.
1) I quit my job in March.
2) Having some health issues.
3) I was served with a Petition for Divorce on Tuesday
4) Step Daughters wedding shower is Sunday coming..I'm putting it on..but things still aren't going very smooth...
5) My kids have been giving me greif...so I've been dealing with them
6) Things have been going great with hubby & I
7) We've set up our camper on a big, beatiful lake last month..made lots of new camping freinds...
I've been trying to 'check in' to follow what everyones been up do and how you all are doing......but It's harder to do from home...with hubby and kids LURKING AROUND the computer atmost 24/7..
I tend to run on too long in my posts...so I thought I'd list the highlights and maybe get a chance to elaborate later
Always thinking of you guys!
Lovin-life 
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2) health issues
This isn't really step related but it's in the mix and is probably the most upsettng too me which makes me hyper-sensitive to the other things on my list. Maybe some of you have gone throught similar health issues? So maybe you guys can help walk me through this...
I had my first PAP test in 11 YEARS.....I failed!
Sent me for an ultrsound....I failed that too.
Now my Dr is talking biopsy and/or D&C...and another PAP test and is sending me to a specialist.
We suspected fibroids....and I was gearing up for a hysterectomy. Or at least trying to get my head around it..and convince myself I could to through with it...
I flipped out in the parking lot of the doctors office..a little..I can't deal with anymore tests....
To say I am terrified of Doctors messing with me...IS AN UNDERSTATMENT!! When I gave birth to my son they used forcepts...and I suffered ALOT of physical damage as well as emotional trauma. I was in the hospital for almost a week on 'demoral' and was sent home with 2 weeks more demoral....I wasn't in very good shape..they messed me up pretty good.
Too put the exent of damage and pain in perspective. One day in the hospital, one nurse brought another nurse in to look at me....(like a freak show)...and I will never, ever, ever forgot the look on the 2nd nurses face when she saw what they had done to me. Here she is a proffessional, experienced maternity nurse, seen it all...and her jaw dropped to the floor...as she stared at me...then she says.."HAS YOUR DOCTOR SEEN YOU!!"...then she kind of composed herself and picked her jaw up..etc.
Just to give give you an idea of how deeply upsetting all this is to me......No doctor came near me since...The experience has totally traumatised me!! So when my doctor said I needed more 'invasive' tests....I had a fit in the paking lot.
I didn't realise the extent of my emotional scars from 11 years ago..I've was starting to slip into a depression a few weeks back..there were many days that I just couldn't get myself out of bed...and I just cried and cried all day....but I fought that off. I'm a happy camper again....
Dr's don't think its cancer....but what I have can sometimes develop into cancer. Right now....that doesn't scare me. I haven't gotten past the terror of 'pap test again' or 'biopsy' or 'D&C' for my brain to even process the c word.....and right now my fear of Dr's messing with me has me pretty paralized. I just cry when I try to think of whether to pick the D&C (which the thought of makes me physically sick) or the biopsy.
I know women go through this stuff daily.....
And I'm trying to work through it....
I didn't know how emotionally scarred I was from all that....
I'm sure I'll work it out eventually..
But if I'm sounding unreasonably stressed over 'little things'...there's part of the picture
Well, that's the long version of that story...
Thanks for letting me get all that off my chest...
Take Care
Lovin-life
lovin-life
Hey, I was wondering where you were. Sorry to hear about your health issues. I hope everything goes well. Hang in there!
Number 3 and number 6 seem to contradict each other. I'm confused.
What are your kids giving you grief about? The summer just started. They should be happy!
Anyway, I was glad to see your post.
Dawn
Oh God...Let me clarify!!I
Oh God...Let me clarify!!
I refer to my my first husband as...My Ex although we are not legally divorced and my current common-law BF as 'hubby'. So my current and I are getting along great..no blended family arguments in a long time. My ex & I..the usual lack of notification, him changing schedules, trying to get him to pay his share of child care & ortho bills, ...that hasn't changed with him
My daughter had crappy marks at school and generally a bad attitude, which needed "adjustment". so after a series of back to back groundings that ran for about a month...she's back on track. Oh yeah, all her stuff is still here in the rec room. phones, stereo, tv, DVD palyer, MP3....I've had that for about 2 months. She's not getting it back until the condition she keeps her room in..improves. My son is being very argumentative too.....always has to get the last word...being moody, been caught a few white lies, etc..I don't know if he has hormones starting to kick in or what...but he's been pushing it. We had it out here again this morning So they've both been pushing and testing the boundaries and testing my patience to no end. I just keep telling my daughter..that I've got the hole dug in the woods to bury her body..just keep it up!!!
We were joking about that yesterday...and she said she's too heavy for me to drag the body that far..I'm too old and of shape.. So I told her "Good thinking! Why don't you come for a walk with me ..."I have someting to show you" mmmmmwwwwwwwwwwaaaahahahah
My warped sense of humour keeps me sane!!!
The sites been so busy its hard to keep up...
What's with the change in your ss's"miss mother of the year" lately. She seems to be starting little pissing matches.......what is she trying to mark her territory?
They love camping...the girl especially..the boy is lost without his "electronics" but it's good for him..and he's coming around..
Take Care
Lovin-life
Ohhhhhh
Now I got it! Thanks for the clarification! So then #3 is a good thing.
Hopefully your daughter is back on track so she doesn't have to take that 1 way walk to the woods! Your son and my ss are very similar. My ss is starting to get a little more mouthy lately too. I think it is the age. I can take some of that in good humor but if he goes too far, verbally, I let him know.
I don't know what crawled up Bm's rear end lately. Usually I can predict how she is going to behave but her head has been spinning recently.
Dawn
Lovin Life...
Let me tell you... I FEEL YOUR PAIN... maybe not the baby pain, but the doctor phobia!
I had cervical cancer when I was 23yrs old... did my treatment, did all that I was suppose to do until they gave me a clean bill of health... than after that, haven't been back since. I know it's wrong of me, but I just can't seem to have the strength, courage, whatever you want to call it to have another pap. But I have too. I totally know what and how you are feeling. In fact, I don't even seen my doctors anymore in less it's absolutely absolutely necessary, and then I think they are idiots.... geesh, it's my body, think I would understand when something is funny... geesh. Especially since I'm a patient that doesn't come in regularly but only when it HURTS... geesh.
But I am very scared to go see the doctor. I know I have to go. But I can't seem to make myself go. The last time I was in to see the doctor, who I can't stand by the way, he insinuated to me to schedule a pap... yeah, that will be the day, I thought. I just am terrified to go back.
See, for me, when I found out that I had an abnormal pap smear, my doctor, who was great back than, referred me to someone else... gyn dr, who just had the worst bed side manner was awful, the nurse/pa would talk in the hallway all for everyone in the waiting room to over hear, and it was just embarrassing and awful. I hated being poked and probed and unfortunately, I was also with my ex back than who was an utter ass the whole time when I really needed someone holding my hand. It was just awful. So, I know how it feels. I even get so nervous just sitting in a waiting room that it makes me sick to my stomach... and I'm not the one with the appointment! I can't stand it.
But I know I have too again. The sad thing for me is that I don't think that my DH understands what I go through, how depressed I am, and what I went through because he's never been there to experience it. I just feel alone.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
4) Things have settled down for the shower
4) Things have settled down for the shower. It's all worked out regarding who will be attending etc. I didn't know who I should or shouldn't invite of the people that are stuck in limbo between step daughters mother's side and her father's side. Her mother and relatives were obvious...but which shower will the grooms people go too? and what about their freinds. So I just invited everyone..(minus BM's & family).. some with the explanation like to the in-laws that her mothers side will be putting on another shower for her...that they may want them to attend to get to know some family members etc.... BUT the decision to go to one or the other shower or both...was left to them. I'm not gonna stress over it....and now that the shower is a few days away..she's getting very excited.
Take Care
Lovin-life
My D I V O R C E becomes final todayy....I'll be singing it soon
3) I do not have a lawyer and have been working on my own divorce/separation agreement. I did most of the research and affidavit writing for my BF during his divorce. And when I consulted his lawyer last year about my case...he told me "You don't need a lawyer". Some of the legislaton has been changed recently and none of the case law sites I've used for research in the past have updated information...so I was not sure of how to interpret a couple of the sections presented in the agreement. So I met with this lawyer again and he re-assured me that I had a handle on everything and basically said...go home rewrite the sections the way you want..and we'll take it from there. Well, I re-wrote them...then sent it to my ex for his review and he approved them!!!!!! He still wants his lawyer to review it....but thinks the changes are made are acceptable.
I'm so excited!!!!! It's finally going to be over!!!!!!
Take Care
Lovin-life
Headed to the big D and don't mean Dallas!
Congrats!
*~So sayeth Nymh~*