I have felt many times that DH has more respect for "other" women in his life than he does me. But I learned how to use that to my advantage. My DH has said F-you to me and I turned it right back around in his face... what if YOUR MOTHER was married to a HUSBAND who spoke to her like that. His dad left when he was ONE, his mother NEVER remarried... so what if YOUR stepdad said that KWIM? Made him think for a minute.

Same with SD. And sometimes ESPECIALLY SD... ok DH... "What if YOUR DAUGHTER was married to a man who spoke to HER the way you speak to me?"

Made him think... and it's been a LOOOOOOOOOONG time since he treated me with the disrespect he did in the beginning.

As for the lying etc, I have found it's best to confront SD with ALL THREE of us together. If I tell him, he goes and has a "PRIVATE TALK" with her where she manages to twist it around or convince him that she "confused" something or some silly thing like that. OR she can say "I'm sorry" and that's the end of it. Nowadays we talk to all the kids together.... mine, his, doesn't matter. No more I talk to mine and he talks to his. Makes a big difference in MANY ways. They, the kids, see that WE are united but it's a lil harder to LIE when the evidence is right there and there is someone else REMINDING them of the WHOLE story....

It is what it is...

Why do some SO's feel that if the step parent points out a CLEAR wrong in the step child, it cannot be valid? Why do they feel like if they side with us, it's AGAINST the kid? We point this stuff out because it needs to change or get better, and to teach the child limits. We don't do that to simply find a fault or start a fight. Who the hell likes fighting? heh.

However, the bio parent sees it as a blight on them or something, and they get defensive and go straight into denial! I just don't get it.

I am *so* sorry he spoke to you like that. I can see how that would tarnish things a bit. It's just so explosive, mean spirited, and hateful. He could have said F** this....like at the situation instead of you. Ya know?

But yeah, trust me when I say I know exactly what you are saying. If my "D"H had just ONCE taken a true look at his kid I would have felt relief.

My Dh is EXACTLY the same with SD11. See my rant today "Announcement its all my fault". Dh accepts everything SD says as tho it came from Christ himself, he doesn't even question it. They too have "private conversatons" Dh has a hard time talking to SD in front of me because I will ask pointed questions and he knows it. He wants to continue to stick his head in the sand and dismiss his duties as a parent. Empty Risks makes some good points too. I don't get it either honey. I'm in your boat with your Georgie, no real answers but just know you are not alone in your feelings.

~Evil
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

I am in this situation daily. Only my DH blames my SD's learning disablilities. He has out right refused to educate himself in this area. I have the info, the school has the info, her doctor has the info, and our counselor the same. But he and his family still pitty her and make excuses. What is going to happen when life hits her square in the face. What is going to happen when she is on her own...or maybe because of the enabling she will NEVER be on her own. This is actually frankly a reality I am not ready to cope with given her hatred towards me.

Don't these DH's understand the charactor issues they cause or enable in their daughters by accepting, ignoring, or denying that these issues must be addressed? Addressed with THEIR daughter not AT their wife.

I just want to point out that if DH wants to believe his child is a perfect angel let him. Stop putting yourself in the middle.. this is only a LOSING battle! But make it clear that YOU are not going to pay for overages on the phone, replace "lost" items, pay for anything extra etc. You get the idea. If you don't get to have a say in how she is raised, then you shouldn't have any of the other burdens (dicipline, financial etc) that go along with that. Make it clear about WHY you are pulling your support from DH.

Then let DH deal with it. If angel is over on her minutes let DH handle it. Then let him shell out the funds to pay for it. If he doesn't see a problem with her behavior then let it go. Set down your boundaries of things you will not tolerate (bad language, food in the room, leaving their things all over the house etc) and then let DH enforce it. And believe me, this is WAY harder than it sounds.. but in the end, not your kid, not your problem. If DH thinks burying his head in the sand is the solution to his relationship with his child, then let him handle it his way. Just make sure you make it clear to DH that you have your limits and rules and it's his job to make sure she follows them.

Stepup

One question, did he say f you in front of SD?

I cannot believe he said that to you. It is definitely not ok to say things like that while arguing. You can be apologized to for hurtful words, but it is very hard to forget them. I am currently doing what "stepup" suggested, letting BD deal with the antics of sd12 by himself, but I literally have to clench my teeth to not speak up when something is going on that annoys me to death or that I do not agree with. This disengagement helps to an extent (as in to not lose my mind in the 'evil stepmom vs. innocent princess' game), although I tend to disengage a little too much from BD and that is not good. The best thing is to let off some steam at this site!

Some dads do discipline their chidlren -- whether they are daughters or sons. I think it comes down to more what kind of parent the person is rather than whether they are female or male.

Kevin

Before I came along Dh and SS were like frat brothers!! His sisters have told me stories of an 8 year old SS and my DH playing video games together..SS would say shit and other profanities while in the game and Dh never said a word. Now if he had a girl, she would be the princess and I think it would actually be worse!! So yes, it depends what kind of parent you are to begin with.

But alas, now evil catch is here, I am the bad guy instilling the morals and values for the future.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*