When it comes to CS issues, I have found that the best - and really ONLY - way to deal with it without losing your mind is to make yourself forget all about what the other person has. And that goes for both paying parents and the ones who get the check. Focus on the calculation only, because that's how a FAIR amount is determined. That calculation takes the emotions out of it and determines a fair amount based on real variables, like childcare costs, insurance costs, salaries, etc. and not on unrelated emotional variables.

If he's ordered to pay $1200 based upon your state's child support calculation formula, then it's a fair amount, end of story. Unless anything has drastically changed, such as him losing his job or you getting a much, much better-paying job, then the amount will probably not be adjusted. The test is whether or not there has been a qualifying event or drastic change in circumstances. Getting laid off and having to take lower-paying employment might be something that would cause the amount to be lowered. Buying a new house or sports car and needing money to put towards the payments is NOT a qualifying event. Getting a new GF with expensive tastes will not cause the amount to be lowered.

I wouldn't worry too much about this, unless you are making substantially more and/or he's making substantially less than when the CS amount was calculated. Your new DH's money absolutely WILL NOT affect your ex-husband's CS obligation whatsoever. Your ex is wasting his time and money fighting this, in my opinion. Frankly, he's got a better case against his atty for malpractice... I mean, it's unlikely a judge will change the amount if the CS recovery unit felt that it was fair.

My husband makes just under $7k a month and he's paying $800/month for two kids based on a formula. His ex makes more than he does, so her contribution is higher than his. The cost-of-living where we live is ridiculously high, so that salary isn't as high as it sounds. We're basically paying $400/month per skid, but there's no way we spend that much on our two who live us. That's hard to take sometimes, but as long as I remind myself it was based on a fair calculation, then I get over it pretty quick. I think you should do the same... remember that it's based on a fair calculation and he probably won't be able to get it changed. No sense worrying about something that may not happen. The only satisfaction he'll likely get out of this is seeing you stressed and upset, so try not to worry about it too much. And definitely let us know what happens along the way. I'd be really surprised to see if he can get the amount lowered by any significant amount. My husband's ex took him back to court to get more and it actually ended up being lowered. Have faith!

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

Your posts just made me realize just how SCREWED my poor fiance is when it comes to child support! It's worse than I thought!

Hammesamie, my fiance makes approximately 1/3 what your ex makes and sends almost the same amount in support for ONE child that your ex sends for THREE. Maybe he ought to feel grateful instead of acting like you're robbing him blind.

Anne, my fiance makes around 1/4 what your DH makes and sends significantly MORE in support for ONE child than your DH sends for TWO. Of course, this is because BM doesn't work and is therefore held responsible for $0 of supporting their child. He sends 60% of his pay to them and has nothing left for our family together. Of course, if you read my recent blog, you'll see that this will all be changing in about 8-10 weeks.

Hammesamie, why don't you mention to your ex that you have a friend whose fiance puts out 60% of his income in support for one child, which would mean $3480 for him?! That might shut him right up! I think that $1200 will sound a lot more reasonable to him.

Your bio says you live in Ca. That means that if you and your hubbie file taxes married jointly, BM has the right to know how much you make for purposes of plugging your hubbie's tax liability into Dissomaster. Our attorney says you can avoid this disclosure only by filing married single, which has other ramifications.

In Ontario the payor must provide his/her income for child support. It does not matter what the other parent makes. They can not take into account what the step parent makes here. BUT, for any extra's like medical, dental, extra curricular, etc., both parents must provide their incomes and pay in proportion to it. They have a special calculation for it. If you make more, you pay a higher percentage.

In Quebec, only a province away and still in Canada is completely different. They take into account both parties income to calculate the child support and extra's.

Guess from what I am hearing from others, I am glad for a change that we live in Ontario!!!

By the way Hammesamie you have a bunch of beautiful children there!!! If dad doesn't want to see them, don't enforce it. I found that my kids adjusted better when I accepted this. The kids adjust to their surroundings. I don't & haven't put him down, but now that they are older and ask questions about things they have flashbacks about, I am honest with them. Their dad owes me $86,000. No enforcement agency has ever been able to get me any $. The way I look at it, as long as the kids are happy, somehow I have always found a way to provide for them. Things have been tough financially, but in the same instance, the kids appreciate what they have.

Corie