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Which is fair????

Gabby77's picture

I'll make this brief because i really just want feedback as to what is fair. We are moving to a 3 bedroom home. My fiance has 2 girls 7 and almost 3. I am 11 weeks pregnant. We looked at the house and I stateed it would be prefect because the girls could have the medium sized room and the baby could have the little one. Then my fiance states that oldest SD wants her own room with us b/c she has one at her moms. He wants to put the baby and the almost 3 year old in the same room. The girls only live with us 1/2 the week so I don't think that makes any sense. I asked what if the baby was a boy. He said there is nothing wrong with a boy baby and a girl 3 year old sharing a room. ( It's not that I think that is wrong. Just pointless when the 7 and 3 year old could share b/c they don't live with us full time). Plus I have always dreamed of doing the nursery and this is my first child.
We had a big fight and are not speaking now. he told me I am being riduculous. what do you think?

Comments

Persephone's picture

Makes sense. It's difficult enough to get 3 yr olds to bed with out them having their sleep disrupted by a crying/fussy infant and feeding schedules. Not to mention the difficulty in getting an infant to sleep through the night only to have them woke up by a 3rd old.

This isn't about fair.. it's about peaceful sleep.

Tired2's picture

I don't think you are being ridiculous at all. I think a baby should have their own room because they wake up alot during the night and someone has to go feed/change/console them. This would be very disruptive to other children sleeping in the room. Something else that caught my eye was that the 7 year old wants her own room because she has one at her mothers....too bad. I say that children this age aren't allowed to make those kinds of demands or decisions. That's just my opinion. I listen to their reasons but the final decision is the parents.

The only other solution to this is to start looking at 4 bedroom homes.

Good luck!

Some people are like slinkies...not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs! Smile

Shameless's picture

On top of the baby waking up the 3 yo all the time, you have to take into consideration the baby's safety. I have a 3 yo myself and he could EASILY climb into a crib, which would put an infant in danger of suffocation or bodily harm.

ultrak's picture

If affording a four bedroom house is not an option, I think that you are right in wanting to have your nursery. Since she has a room to herself at her mom's she doesn't need one at yours. And to add on what shameless said, with the baby waking up in middle of the night it could keep the 3yo up and then you have 2 cranky children.

lcooper's picture

I have recently had the same problem. I have a daughter, two skids, and twins on the way. The 11 yo SD has been complaining that she wants her own room. We only have her every other weekend. We are already having the twins share a room, and that will be in a 4 bdrm. house, which we can't really afford. She has her own room at her mom's house. I think that is enough. Children should not be given everything they want, especially so young. Lessons we learned as children, I shared a room full time for 3 years, kids today seem to not have to learn. You absolutely need a room for the baby for all of the reasons the posts above mention, but also, because showing a 7 yo now that her demands will be given into even if it is not what is best for the family, will only make her more difficult later. Your husband needs to support you on this, don't back down.

Best of luck!

Rae's picture

I worked many years as an admistrator at a University, and we had a constant struggle to figure out what our students wanted and needed in order for them to be able to stay and complete their college education. We hired consultants, sent out surveys, etc... One thing that came up over and over was dorm living arrangements. These kids hated having to share a small space with one or more roommates. We now have so many kids that are only children, or if they have siblings, they've always had their own room. They come to college and have to share and they just don't have the coping skills. Many, many really struggle with this, so much so that universities across the country are tearing down and rebuilding their dorms or remodeling them to make it more attractive to these kids who are now so privileged. Kids today need a lot more personal space and privacy. And this is something that my generation and my parents generation didn't have and didn't feel entitled to.

I think she should share the room with her sister. It's good for her. It will teach her a little about personal space, tolerance, patience, and will help her develop "people" skills.

Also, she is playing her dad and mom against each other to get her way. At SEVEN!!!! If she thinks she can manipulate you now by throwing what goes on at her mother's house to you, just wait until she's a teenager. It won't get better. I know. I was one of those manipulative teenagers.