I quit
Well, my friends. I soon won't be a step anymore.
DH, who's traveling for business as usual, has all but ignored me the last few days until this afternoon he was suddenly super sweet and sending me messages and actually CALLED me tonight despite the high international rate... turns out he just wanted me to make arrangements for delinquent SD to get a plane ticket to her uncle's house and charge it to my card.
The conversation degenerated after I DARED to point out that he never calls unless he wants me to do something for him or one of his kids. So he says, "You know the deal. My kids come first. I can find another wife."
You just don't say that to somebody you're supposed to LOVE - do you?
Well, good luck to the asshole. I thought about it and called him back a few minutes later and told him I don't want his "deal" any more - even though I'm carrying one of his children - he can find another wife, but I can damn sure find a BETTER husband and a better model in my child's life of what a man should be. Don't get me wrong - this isn't a spur of the moment decision - I've been thinking of divorcing him since he cheated on me last June and the last couple months I've worked really hard to put it back together because of the baby, but this is the last straw. The fact that he never moved to be with me, even when he found out I was pregnant, cements the fact that he doesn't know how to love or how to be married and that he will always be a shitty dad - to my baby as much as the others'. I guess he just didn't know how thin the ice had gotten underneath him when he made that "take me or leave me" threat.
I will miss you here. You have all been SO great to me through some of my ugliest wicked stepmother moments. If (when!) I find a better man in my life and he has kids, I won't be nearly as terrified of the situation and will have some experience under my belt and know where to come for good advice. Who knows - maybe I'll be back soon as the money-grubbing BM suing the bastard for child support!
Take care everybody!
Much love,
Me (and my baby)
(formerly Blueberry's Baby)
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Comments
good luck to you
You go girl! Take care of you and yours before you take care of anyone else!
I have done the single parent thing for a long time so let me know if you need any advise or a shoulder.
While you were telling him farewell
I certainly hope the next call you placed was to your credit card company and/or the airline to cancel any charges for any plane ticket that the bastard bought.
I certainly wish you well. You deserve much better!
All I'm asking for is some good old honesty served up fresh when I ask for it without the side order of hot tongue and cold shoulder!
Sounds
like a smart move. Congratulations on making the rest of your life better for you and your baby. Some of these men don't deserve good women. Cheaters are liars and liars are cheats.
I hope you didn't charge that trip on your card.
Again, congratulations.
He should consider himself lucky...
...that he wasn't in the same room with you when he said that. I would have decked him.
Sorry it turned out this way, especially since you have a young 'un on the way. Please do let us know how you are getting along. Just because you won't be a "step" anymore doesn't mean you are not welcomed here!
A complete idiot
He's a complete, arrogant idiot.It's all about himself.He's amazing and not in a good way.I know the feeling of being used to benefit them/the skids.Good luck
Good luck to you!
I just hate it when people think it's okay to sacrifice the marriage for the kids. He's not putting them first, he's teaching them how to fail at marriage. He's teaching them how to become a part of the growing divorce statistic. He's setting an example for them that it's okay to expect everyone else to give to them without expecting to have to give something back. What a moron.
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
Right on target
That's an excellent point Georgia, he's teaching his children that marriage is not about love and commitment but convenience. He's a complete @ss. If his children were first, he'd spend quality time with them and not hookup with a woman because he's looking for a babysitter. I'm so mad I could hit him.
Sacrificing the marriage
That's exactly what it is. You are absolutely right, Georgia - he's teaching them to fail at marriage. I made the mistake of answering his call today and he started to beg for another chance just like others here said he would and I thought of your comments - I told him, I don't want my child thinking that this is the model of what a marriage should be. I felt really good to say that
Blueberry's Baby
Not only that..
if his children always come first, why even get married in the first place? Plus, what about your little muffin in the oven. Doesn't that child fall into the same category? Or are we picking and chosing these days?
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
Ding ding ding
Right on the nose, CG. Also, as my sister said last night, "his kids come first?!? He's the crappiest, most deadbeat dad I've ever known and THAT's putting his kids first?!? No wonder he's such a crappy husband!" I love my sister
Blueberry's Baby
I always know
When I make the right decision because a feel a weight lifted off. I had that feeling when I finally decided to end my first marriage. I hope you feel it now too.
Good luck to you and the best for you and your baby. Please don't feel you have to leave here. You will be a great source for some who are going through this very same thing.
Peace, love, and red wine
please keep in touch
like Cru said even though you will not a step anymore you are a valued member here.
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
for your baby's sake....
don't ever consider letting him back into your life. you've made a courageous decision and i applaud you on it. you just made a very important statement to him: this baby i am carrying just trumped you and your kids.
good luck and i pray that you and your baby will be safe and happy and surrounded by love.
Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.
Trumped
I love it!
Blueberry's Baby
He'll be back to...
apologize when he sees that you are serious. Stand your ground. Reach out to others for moral support and advice through your transition. You forgave the cheating, you forgave the neglect and now "I can find another wife." now that's deep. It's time to do you. Reach out to friends and family. Believe me, he was rash in what he said and he's going to want to take it back because he won't have anyone to handle his kids while he's away. Although he was rash, he was truthful. "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Stick to your guns.
The sad truth is that he isn't a good father to his first kids, he won't be to any other kids. Maybe he'll wake up but that's not your responsibility and you can't him.
I had to raise my 2yr old alone because my 1st husband was horrible. I was able to make it through. Family, prayer and a commitment to love myself made all the difference.
All the best to you -- please keep in touch. Check in with us. We're here for you.
what a horrible thing to
what a horrible thing to say. i don't have room to talk, but you'll be better off without someone like that.
just can't believe how far out wrong these men can be- to behave and give the impression that the kids come first is bad enough, to actually say it, that just makes me want to run him over.
and i hope you'll stay around and write how you are and how things are going.
every therapist says that the marriage has to have a solid foundation to work- and that's supposed to be what's best for the kids. he has it backward.
it takes a lot of courage to leave, especially when you're pregnant, and I' admire you
Sad Indeed
Woow. Did I have to get cured of that big time. Only to find out yeah, i had very co-dependent tendencies and yeah I had low self esteem. I had to learn to work on me.
I think it's our materal instinct. I could be wrong. The caretaker in us. We think if we love them right - they'll love us back. I know I have deluded myself in many a relationship and not only accepted the excuse for their behavior but actually made up some of my own. I like Tina Turner's song "What's love got to do with it." It's takes more than love to have a relationship. And with my first husband I learned love doesn't pay the rent.
You are soo right VICKIEMAC. I told myself, the same thing. "They don't understand him the way I do. Deep down inside he's a good person." No!!! Deep down inside he's a horrible person. He may do some good things occassionally and truthfully love isn't supposed to hurt. There are some very good men out there, as women we have to learn how to guard our heart, keep our eyes and ears open and then choose wisely.
Uggghhhh... hate to admit it
but you're so right, VickieMac. It's easy to think the psycho ex-wife and the other BM must just be evil and they never really loved this poor, brokenhearted chump I married. Ha-freakin'-ha. Now I feel like meeting those girls for a glass of wine (N/A of course) and applauding each other for dumping him!
Blueberry's Baby
P.S. You know - he's always said that to me, "deep down, I'm a really good person" and I'd always say, "if you are, it must be REALLY deep down" - it was always with a chuckle, but how right I was!
Blueberry's Baby and her little Muffin...
I am so proud of you. I wish you the best in your future without the stresses of steplife.
I do have to say, though, that just because you are getting a divorce doesn't mean you have to say farewell. Your knowledge and your ultimate solution could very well help someone else that stumbles onto this site.
(((((HUGS))))))
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
WOO HOO
I applaude you as well for kicking that bastard to the curb, how dare he say that to you! What a JERK! Now you can definitely give him a taste of his OWN medicine and say "Since I am pregnant and all, even though this baby isn't brought to this world yet, IT COMES BEFORE YOU! Sorry. See ya later."
Once again, congrats and I wish you the best of LUCK and LOVE to you and the little one.
"For the love of herself, she acknowledged her worth."
Don't Get Weak
Please don't second guess yourself, because he will start to realize you just might....be smart enough to take him for child support. So he will start being super nice but remember it is just an act. As soon as possible retain or lawyer or legal aide to start the process, also depending on your state try and put in the papers that he will also be responsible for his share of college. All that is very important, but above all make sure to get all his financial info. for his check to be garnished.
I can't remember if your living together, if so the best thing would be to get another place or insist he do so, that will make the process much easier.