Our BM2 pulls exactly the same stunt with us. For her, including DH's family in her social circle sends the message that she still has power and influence over the family. I guess she also feels that it shows us that DH's family are more concerned about staying in touch with her than worried about upsetting us. ouch.

We figure we can do one of two things - 1. Ignore it and be glad DH's family are making the effort to see the skids or 2. get in first and plan a family get-together on our weekend that is just BEFORE the skid's birthday, and invite the family to spend time with the skid at OUR place. We give the family 2 months notice that we will be celebrating with the skid and that we hope they will join us. In reality we probably do a mix of both 1 and 2.

Its horrible to have to share your birthday meal with ANYONE who is critical, ungrateful and attention seeking. My advice is to fix SS a plate and if he chooses not to eat his food then fine. Don't make an alternative meal and don't let him snack until the next meal. He will soon learn that if he doesn't want to be hungry, he had better eat his dinner. You will feel a lot less stress at meal times this way.

My SD's were 5,6 and 8 when they first started coming my home and I had to teach them to use a knife and fork! DH used to baby them as well until I pointed out the skids would feel embarrassed going to their friends houses for visits not knowing how to tie their shoes, dress themselves or eat with a knife & fork! They show up filty too, and have to head straight for the shower when they arrive. I send their filthy clothes home in a plastic bag for their mother to deal with.

Hey, can you and your man have another birthday dinner/date night after SS has gone home?

when u dont have precious to ruin yr life!

i'm sorry you had a crappy birthday. i really feel for you. seriously. i share the same birthday as my skid. that means i'll never really be able to have the day to myself. it will, as it always does, revolve around him. and because i'm the adult, i'm expected to act like one and not be hurt or care. if your ss is 5 and acting like this, just wait until he's an adolescent like mine. he never showers and NEVER shampoos his hair. when he walks through the door, all i smell is grease and 'wet dog'. it's gross. he was sick this weekend and didn't wash the whole time he was here. wiping his runny nose and touching everything. now our toddler is sick and feverish and not well and DH says it has nothing to do with his son. that she probably got it at the mall. yah, no. i don't think so. i sympathize you....hang in there and like bella said, have a birthday redo. it shoudl be about YOU anyway.

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

Yes, go have yourself a birthday REDO!! You are more than entitled!
Corie

Sorry your bday was bad but I agree with the others, have another one. I feel sorry for you having to deal with a BM that will not teach her child to care for himself at all. I can't imagine having to clean up after that, makes me gag too. Hope your redo birthday is much better.

~Evil

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren