Don't take that the wrong way. It doesn't mean your feelings are not justified, it just means being pregnant magnifies them in funny ways.

Your DH is at fault with the pillow, not SD. No, DH should NOT have taken it upon himself to search it out and give it to SD. It had to be his idea, as SD didn't know it existed, correct?! I am lucky in that DH has learned to respect my personal boundary issues, probably because I have so many of them.

You just need to make it clear to DH that your property is yours. If you wish for someone to use it, you will give it to them, not him.

P.S. If that had been my DH and SD had wanted a seat (and she would have had even MORE of an attitude about it), he would have gotten up and let her sit in his spot. I've seen him do it!

Is something you shared with your mother. Why in God's name would you want to share it with anyone other than your BD? I love my SD like she's my own, I really do. But the fact is that she isn't. From time to time she makes it clear, but BM makes sure to let me know, like I could ever forget.

Now I have my own BD. There are things that I save for her. I would be so heart broken if my DH did something like that. Now SD will always be able to tell BD that she got to use that pillow first. UGH.

That was something special for you and your daughter to share, for a memory to be continued. He was wrong, wrong, wrong to even assume that was okay.

That makes my heart hurt for you.

From now on make sure you lock up everything that has emotional value to you so SD can't be "the first" to use it. You know she'll make sure you BD knows she used it first. That pisses me off.

hmmm....hard to comment when I don't know how your relationship is with the SKs, but from the sound of it, its not a very good one? So it depends on your perspective...you could look at it like your DH was trying to make you feel included by having her use something that is sacred to you. It may hurt his feelings if you say something and make him feel like his daughter isn't good enough to use it and is not as important as your child. I would try to let this one go. I would be hurt if my husband got mad at me for using something of his for my son. I would feel like he didn't care about my son & it would divide our family into "us" against "them". But at the same time, there are some things I wouldn't want my SS using of mine that I would let my own children use. I just don't think I'd come out & say it for fear of hurting my husband's feelings.

are pregnant! Doesn't it seem like he would be more concerned with you than anything right now? That's how I felt when I was pregnant. But the more I tried to show DH how much I adored our not yet born baby the more he seemed to dote to SD. I couldn't figure it out for anything.

One night after the baby was born we got into a argument about how chaning the baby should be more important than talking on that damn cell phone and my response from him was "I don't love BD anymore than I do my other two and don't expect me to". Okay, I get it. You think I'm trying to force out your other kids? Duh, idiot. Of course not. Once I realized what the BM was pumping in his and SD's head I realized that everything I was saying was coming off that way, though if he hadn't be poisined by the witch he wouldn't have felt like that.

We're beyond that now and I stand firm, you won't love BD more than you do your other two. But she is your baby girl, your youngest, she deserves a special place in your heart. And she is ours...that's special to me. I don't love her more than I do my son, but she's got a special place as does he.

I hope you don't go through all that I did during my pregnancy. If you ever have any problems and want to talk please pm me. I've definatley been there and done that with this situation.

Hugs to you!

I soooo remember having the same feelings when I had my first child. I wanted everything to be new and untouched. I am not sure why, but I didn't want any hand-me-downs from Dh's kids. Stupid I know, but that is how I felt. I got over it when my 2nd was born. I understand your need to keep that a "special" thing for your child. I did try to share things w/the skids, but they had no appreciation for anything, so I stopped.

that there have been comments from the SK's to DH about will he still love them when the baby comes? Will they still be important? They probably really do feel this way, it's normal. Even if they weren't to be step siblings. But what makes it worse is that since it's step, the BM gets to put her two cents in. I'm sure she's not helping the kids to understand that daddy will always be thier daddy to, just like he will be to the new baby.

Mark my words, when the SK's show up with gifts for the baby you'll cringe thinking that BM has bought these for your child. This is a fight I still fight, and BD is 14 months now. Make it a point now to DH that he is the one to take the kids shopping for the baby, not BM.

Back to the point, if I had realized sooner what DH was thinking and feeling I could have prevented alot of arguments. Talk to him and tell him that you understand his kids will always be a part of his family and you wouldn't have it any other way. you don't want to push out SD, but, this is your first child. This is special to you and there are things you want to share with her and only her. Once the lightbulb came on in my head things were better.

You know what else? Men don't attach to thier kids like we do. I loved my daughter more than anyting the moment I found out I was pregnant. To be honest, DH loved her when she was in the womb and worried about her, but the love he has for his other two didn't come out for a minute. I think it takes them a bonding period. It's very strange.

BM is dying to sink her nasty claws into my daughter. Why would she even want to see her? I won't begrudge my xh of having kids, if he does I'll be happy for him and hope they are okay. I could care less to see them or him though to be honest.

When the shi* hits the fan pm me and I'll give you my number. Youre gonna need a friend! LOL!

Hang in there girl, you'll make it through all of this.

What are you going to do about the pillow and things of this sort in the future?

of how OUR kids have to suffer bc they werent "first"...i kow what ur DH meant and i know that its important to make sure the skids know theyre special when the new baby comes but dangit, why does that usually mean at the expense of the new baby? isnt it enough that we all KNOW that DH had kids w another women before us??? grrrr....

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

That you have a long road ahead of you is this is soley DH's attempt to make sure the kids know how important they are to him. Imagine when the SK's are pulling the "will you still love me" card.

But you know what, when it gets rough around here, and it still does sometimes, I just loose myself in my daughter. I forget whatever is going on around me and just play with her until I could completley care less what the others are up to! Sometimes I just have to let DH baby and pamper as much as he wants.

from conception. They don't get it until later. I still hate to hear BM on the phone hollaring something about, if it were "insert my girls name" you'd do it for her!!!! That's her favorite comment.

Oh, and she'll care. He can think that all he wants but it'll be on. She'll do everything possible to interfer if she's antyhing like our BM. And I don't mean bio mom. }:)

BM tried to come to the hospital, used every excuse she could think of for it to be okay for her to come. I had a emergency c section, so of course hubby didn't want to leave me to go pick up SD, for that matter even my BS. I didn't want him to leave either. I needed him there. So he stayed. SD blew the damn phone up about how she wanted to come. Next thing you know, BM, I'll bring her. Me, Nope. DH, I'll get my mom and dad to bring her. BM, but really...I want to come up anyways. stupid.

Then I'm all drugged up that night and she calls DH phone. BM: Can I speak to Jen? DH: Jen, BM wants to speak to you. ME: (slurred from all the morephine) sure! BM: congrats Jen, I wish I could come see her. ME: Don't even think about it, Csection or not, we'll fight. The drugs didn't cover that one up.

So no she didn't show. Not for a lack of trying though. Of course she bought the baby tons of stuff, which went directly in the garbage and still does.

to tell him. I can't wait to see the update! Good luck!

That is pretty much how I said it. I too had a pillow that my brothers and I used as a child. I took it when I got older as I was planning on using it with my children. I did let SD use once and never again. She was not taking care of it and was putting candy or something in the pocket. I took it and put in back in the attic and had my mom make her one of her own. Problem solved! I just told her that she had her own pillow now and didn't think twice about it. Mine is green and I made one that was pink and put the letter of her first name on the pocket. She loved it. Maybe make one for SD and SS, that way the each have their own.

You accomplished the mission without the war. How'd you do that again? LOL!

I told my DH about your situation last night and asked him what he thought. He almost leaned tward your DH until I reminded him about my mothers promise ring that my father gave her that I've been saving for MY daughter for years and years, now I finally have one to give it to!

He completley understood that would be off limits and definatley thinks your DH was wrong about the tooth pillow.

So it's not just us women, some men get it! LOL!

Apparently your DH got it to....thank goodness!