How does she do it???
SD13 flew back to spend Christmas with BM. We have had full custody of SD13 since August. SD13 was shocked to see what poor health BM is in. BM is now around 300lbs and her hair is thinning. SD13 has been working really hard to lose weight, and has gone from 211 to 183. She had learned proper portion control, and the importance of exercise (thanks to a great doctor and nutritionalist). SD13 has only been with BM for one week and she has turned back in to the psycho teen that I dread. She is back to yelling at her dad and is rude to EVERYONE. She has even gotten worse, telling him to shut the f**k up over the phone. It's only been a week, how did she change back so quickly when it took months for us to change her???
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Catering encourages regression
The BM's influence and the fact that we don't and cant really change other people, even the kids. Human's personalities are pretty much set by the time they are 4 years old.
We can only influence them to make changes and better choices in their lives. It's simply a matter of the fact that you don't encourage or cater her negative traits and her mother does.
This happens with the step brat any time she is around DH's gene pool. Now mind you she has been under my influence for 9 years and has only seen those bottom feeders three times in nine years and for only a day or two at a time. She has never been around them with out supervision and she regresses when ever they are around. Because they encourage the negative behavior by catering to it. In fact, my husband regresses in his behavior when ever he is around his parents and siblings...
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~ disgusted
I'd see this as a temporary setback.
You just need to firmly stand your ground as before. Seems to me that she's more upset at seeing how eFFed up her mom is and lacks the skills to cope outside of reverting to familiar anti-social behavior.
In addition I'd try to KINDLY acknowledge that perhaps seeing her mom like that upset her but that there are better ways of dealing with her feeling than acting like a hellion.
I agree
I would say the same thing, let her know that it is you will not be spoken to that way. A few weeks back at home will change this, if your strict.
She actually told her dad to
Shut the F up? OMG. My DH would have a freakin cow. If he dind't manage to get through the phone to get ahold of her he would make sure when she got home she remembered why she should never tell her dad to shut the F up! I just can't wrap my brain around that.....
Phew.....
Anyway, as others have posted it's true. My son goes to visit his peice of crap dad once in a while and it takes a good two-three weeks for him to get back to normal. Even if it's only for two days a year he'll come home disrespectful. It's just becuase those kinds of parents don't really care about the child or thier well being.
My SD
used to do the exact same thing.....it was b/c BM just kissed her ass and we didn't, so she saw us as the enemy...... after she was home again, she changed back.