SS adding BM to story's that are just like my story's
I was talking to my daughter tonight and she is four and she asked when she was going to the dentist? I told her it would be this month and started to tell her that the dentist she goes to is the dentist I had as a child. All of a sudden my SS 6 busts out and says "i used to go to my mom's dentist but I dont anymore, i go to (and he named somewhere)" then he repeated himself two more times.
Lately he has been doing things like that. If I say I used to do this with such and such He would come out and say 'My mom did that when and such and such."
Now this is the SS who i think feels like if he has fun at his dads and with us, his mom is going to be upset with him or not be happy.
Does anybody know what he was thinking when he came out and said that? He wanted to make sure I heard him. I just looked at him and said "really that's neat"
and lately why when i say a story he says the same story but puts his mom in there somewhere. and as SS says it, SS starts to fade at the end of the sentance and I can feel SS looking at me and when I look at him he has this look like I'm going to yell at him for talking about his mom. I don't. all I really do is try to have a conversation with him about what he is talking about then he clams up.
I'm just curious as to what he thinks at times like that. Is there anything I can do?
I;m not sure
thanks
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Thank you very much. It
Thank you very much. It feels so nice to read that. Thank you I needed that.
That does sound like what he is trying to do. He is an only child on his moms side and will always be. (she made sure she was not having any more) and with us he has a sister and I do want more children. and one time I was talking about maybe have a little brother or sister jokingly and that night he started crying saying he wanted to go home. and he hasnt done that since he was 2.
when he was younger his grondmother on BM side was always going to the hospital and my SS had a fear that if he was not with his mother that the police and ambulince were going to take his mom away. so every weekend he would cry to go home and always wanted to sleep on the couch now the sleeping on the couch i found out was because at his moms there was somebody living with them (non family) and they would sleep in his room, so he slept on the couch there and on the weekends he would scream and fight me to let him sleep on the couch and not take him to his room.
I'm really scared that my SS is going to have problems as he gets older.
now that he is older he sleeps in his room here but told me that he sleeps on the floor in his moms room.
I know Im totally changing the subject but Im so happy to finally being able to talk about this.
thanks
My SS8 does a lot of the
My SS8 does a lot of the same stuff. (I've been around since he was 4). I think you and I have pretty neurotic stepsons, and I do worry that he will be affected as he gets older. My stepson is his BM's only child, and over here we have our new son, 9 months old. It has been difficult for him to adjust, and his BM recently had a pregnancy scare, and he cried and freaked out and was thrilled when she had a miscarriage.
When SS was about your SS's age, he would sleep in his mom's bed. Or when he was at his grandma's (and trust me when I say his mother dumps him there A LOT) he would/still does sleep in the bed with her. He threw the fit from HOLY HELL to sleep in the bed with my husband and have me kicked out of the bed for MONTHS after we moved in together. And we had him 3 days a week. It wasn't like it was a scary thing that occassionally happened.
Anyway, it sounds like your SS is a lot like mine, and he often articulates things about his mom in such a way that I'm like what? And you can just see the little neurosis going on his mind. It's hard to explain on here. He is always trying to "save" his mom. 90% of my stepsons problems are, in my opinion, the result of poor parenting on everyone's parts, including DH's. But he does get VERY OBSESSIVE about change and things.
Yes- been there done that
My SD still does it, though not as constantly as she did for several years. It sucks. I remember one grocery trip where I got to hear BM's tastes on every food we passed. "Mom HATES that kind of creamer, Mom LOVES ready bacon, Mom ALWAYS has coffee from Starbucks..." Finally, after I started ignoring and not responding enough, SD said of that trip, "Wow, I talk about my mom a lot don't I?" Sorta in a trying to get a sense if she was getting to me tone. I said, "Well, you may want to just really think about what you want to share about her. Like "Mom and I went to see this movie" or something. Because unless you foresee your mom ever gracing me with her presence at breakfast, I'm pretty sure I don't need to know which bacon or coffee to serve her." She laughed and it usually was better after that. SD will also repeat something about BM (or SD when she at times babbles all about "ME") and hasn't noticed that no one is listening anymore, or notices but I believe if SD doesn't get the reaction she hopes for-not sure if it's to irritate, get a rise out of, or interest me in BM- she will repeat things over and over til she gets a reaction.
I describe it as her tossing a jab at me at times like a "TAKE THAT! What'r'ya gonna do NOW!" sort of thing.
My SD is borderline/BP though, so a lot of her behavior is very attention seeking.
It's wierd"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
Testing you somehow?
It seems like he is seeking your attention just any way he can. He trails off because its not true! I don't know if he just wants to be included or what.
My SD ignores anything I say that is not about her. I can say we won the lottery and she will ignore it, but respond with, My and friend went to the movies!! I think she just doesn't like to lose the spotlight though.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Mine too
My SD constantly comes out with somewhat inappropriate random thoughts about herself, no matter who she's talking too.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
What I think.
I don't know what kind of a relationship your ss and his mother have but it sounds like he wants it to be one like you have with your daughter. I think he is trying to make Bm out to be better than she is perceived to be.
My ss used to do that to. Sometimes he still does and he's 13!
Dawn
I agree.
My SD9 does this sometimes. At Christmas (even on camera) after opening her gifts she says "Well I didn't get as many presents at my Moms as here BUT the gifts she did give me were expensive" Like we would have any idea how many gifts she got.
I just said " Oh well thats fine, its like I said about your brother and you--I spend the same amount of money but some things are less expensive so someone may get more gifts than the other."
SD9 " yeah its like that."
I think she was trying to make her BM look better or make up for something. Which is kind of funny considering her BM got her a NinDS for Christmas...that one gift was the totally cost of ALL SD gifts.
He wants you to think
BM is cool. And since he obviously thinks you are neat-o and peachy keen, he wants BM to be cool like that to! Poor thing probably can't think of anything that his mom actually does cool!
It sounds like a weird compliment to me!
I'm sure it'll pass. Just stay patient and as great of a mom as you are!
You guys rock!! Thank
You guys rock!! Thank you.
I like that 
I hope this passes because if I took him to the grocery and started to name all the food his mother liked I would have to run myself over with a shopping cart 
I'll just keep trying to be patient. and be cool
Today he was talking to his mom and he kept trying to get off the phone with her and all I heard him say was "ok I love you too bye, ok I miss you too bye" and that was the first I heard her say she missed him.
I had to laugh!!
and it sounds like SD are different than SS. are SD harder to get a connection with? With SS they seem to just want mommy and SD seem to want a challange more.
Thanks for all your help. I love this site!!!
Ha ha ha!
"I hope this passes because if I took him to the grocery and started to name all the food his mother liked I would have to run myself over with a shopping cart."
Thanks for making me laugh about it. My SD has a few extra issues for sure, so hopefully your SS will do better picking up on social cues to STOP already!
Goodluck!
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra