Later!!!

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

on here who have also VENTED about their skid/skids but you have only attacked Crayon WHY?? And its obvious you are having problems with yours or you wouldnt be here..You cant for one second thought to yourself and said damn I would like to smack the crap out of Zippy or Snottie..Hell if we all said that we would be lying not only to ourselves but everyone else..Im glad you dont have many of the problems we deal with everyday..It doesnt feel great to have a child come into your home and not acknowledge our being there..My SD accused me of hitting her and making a knot on her head and you are damn right I felt like doing after she accused me did I, NO..But when you are accused and shit on as much as some of us are, we get tired of it..Thats why we come here and lean on each other with our VENTS its not like we are carrying them out..
We love our husbands and accept that fact they have children doesnt mean we have to like them..Its like In laws we have them does that mean we have to like them?? We are not surely trying to make you feel bad just frustrating when we feel comfortable and secure to vent here we get ripped as if we are talking to DH FH BF's..This my dear is my lil peace of heaven where I can say what I want and not get sentenced for it..I love all these girls and accept all their advice whether its harsh or sweet..But they give it in a nice informational way not "you are a devil for thinking this" and thats what I love about this site and these girls..Crayon you are one hell of a woman for going through the crap you do, and not all of us think as others do..Keep doing what you are doing and hell with the rest...

You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Sir Winston Churchill..

That statistically a second marriage has about a 25 percent success rate.The reasons are because of the kids and ex spouse.Alot of us are lost when it comes to these situations and it is like walking on egg shells.We write these posts to get insight from people who have experienced these same things.Also i expect from my skids the exact same behavior i expect from my own bs and in my house all kids are treated equally and that is something i have been firm on.I do not hate my skids but in truth they are the ones that treat you crappy because you are not their bio parent.Therefore the way that you get treated is very different from the way your skids treat you and can be very hurtful.But we are all on this site to get advice from others and because we love our families or we wouldnt even bother.It is ok to vent because who else can we vent to our dh? It is human nature to be angry,sad,mad,happy etc...We are all adults here and some of us this is the only spot we can be true to ourselves and say what we need to say and get it off our chests.

I say things on here that I am not able to say elsewhere, do I like having step kids, no but I am one of the luckier ones, 2 of the 3 are pretty good, 1 of them has moved on and out of my life for good I hope, I get frustrated with my "step" life and come here to get it all out so when I go back to my life, no one is hurt by the way I feel sometimes.
do I hate my step kids no do I hate what it does to my life yes.

but then sometimes I aint to happy with my biokids either.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

There are a lot of things on this board I read that I don't especailly like, either.

Some of them get under my skin. Some make me angry. Some make me very sad. (Like when people use the word "retarded"- that hurts my feelings, being the mother of a mentally handicapped son)

But you know what?

I don't respond to those posters. I know full well, it's just sheer frustration. Good people who are just at the end of their rope and they're looking for a life line. Something. ANYTHING. Someone out there to help save their sanity.

And this place does just that. (Thanks, Dawn!)

I never once wrote the words, "I hate my SD"
Oh, she's a real piece of work. But I never use the word HATE. Does that make me a better person than others? Nope. It just makes me a different writer.

Take what you want from this site. Take the funny things. The sarcastic things. Take the sad things. Take anything that can help you. And respond to what will get you through the day.

And the things that really don't "tickle your fancy" or get you upset...just don't respond.

Or walk away if you must. But if you do, you'll be missing out on a group of some very special people. A place unlike any other around.

And if you change your mind, we'll always welcome you back with open arms.

And PS- Crayon, WE LOVE YOU!

"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"

I dont often post ..but I read. Whenever im having a rough time or need to escape, I come here to read and think and relax. It helps me ALOT. Also i very much look forward to reading crayons posts. They are funny and witty. Well I know he situation is not really funny, but she has helped me to deal with my situation and for that I am greatful.

I hope you find what you are looking for. I'm sorry you don't like this website but for me it has been a life saver. We might go to extremes sometime about our Skids but it's all venting. When we give each other advice, it may seem extreme at times but that is part of the venting process. It's either this or alcohol. I choose this.

“When all else fails, get a dog.”

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

when I found StepTalk. And I've vented over the discovery of H's hidden agenda, the hatefulness of SD17. I've been championed over trying to help SD14. I've been consoled thru my sadness over my loses. I've been so encouraged to attend school.

Yes, alot of it is negative. Guess what? Whether anyone likes it or not, there are negative situations, negative times, in life. And God help us all if we cannot express our feelings over those things....perhaps then we would all become "Stepford" wive's instead of "Stepmothers", because, we'd be swallowing our daily pills to get thru the day.

There are reasons some of us found ourselves having to deal with nearly intolerable situations. And from advice, different ways of dealing with those situations, varied thoughts on how to handle this or that, I've found solutions I would not have personally come up with.

You know,we are in a difficult postion here at steps. When our own children misbehave, we can correct them. We can deal out the punishment as we see fit. As steps, not so much. And if our spouse is not supportive, and doesn't deal with disrespect/misbehaviour from his kids, our hands are tied. Unless we have the wherewithall to walk out. Some of us are not that lucky. And need someplace, someone, who will listen, understand, and care. And that is here.

well said BW I tried the alcohol
ok so it was because my ex was an ass BUT this is much better than a hangover!!

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

JamaicanMeCrazy
DISNEY LIED...THERE IS NO 'HAPPILY EVER AFTER'

and yes, there's good and bad - but I was under the impression that this site was meant for just that - expressing our true feelings - the good and the bad of stepparenting. Unfortunately for a lot of us, we do have a lot more bad than good when dealing with the skids. I don't have bio kids, so I don't have the problem of my kids are better than my skids. And I can honestly say that after joining this site, my attitude has changed towards my skids. They may drive me crazy, but at least I know I'm not alone, and that in itself makes it a little more bearable and I now know I'm not always to blame for DH & the skids problems. I've learned to disengage when necessary, learned to have a little more patience and learned to pick my battles, all thanks to the ladies (and gentlemen) who post. I had no clue as to how hard it is to be a stepparent - and I am so grateful to have a place to come to instead of reading all the "stepparent" manuals, "expert" advice and such that's posted out on the internet - this place is REAL LIFE with real people and real feelings. As Anon2009 stated, "Better for us to voice it here than to explode on our DHs/BFs/skids." Thanks, gang - I love you all!

We can say stuff on here we could never say out loud to anyone else, without feeling judged. Well, that is, Other than the occassional SM who pops in on her high horse and spews junk about how we are all hateful and need to leave our marriages. Geeez lady. It's a place to vent your innermost turmoil. Feelings you can post in an anonymous way. We've all felt thing we should never feel, even towards our own BioKids probably. And we've FINALLY found our little corner of earth where we can let it all hang out. People like you seriously get on my last nerve. You just don't get it.

When I first started participating in this forum I got spanked for discussion of effective disciplinary methods for a (S)kid who just would not engage his very capable brain.

It took a lot of patience for me to recover from that initial participation (thanks to many in this community for their patience) and allowing me to clarify and move beyond that difficult first encounter with the community. I know that even know that I am reasonably established in the StepTalk community there are things that I present that are not well received or agreed with by many in the community.

I know of no one in this community that supports any kind of abusive interface with Skids or BioKids. We are all here to vent, contribute and pick up some useful tidbits from others who have lived or are living what we encounter as Sparents and Spouses in blended families. Dealing with Skids and Xspouses, NC BioParents or Custodial BioParents are our crosses to bear as Sparents.

Figuring out how to do that and to grow positive or at least functional relationships with the Skids is why we are here. Sometimes issues that we need to address are with the Skids, sometimes with the Spouse and sometimes with the Xspouse(s) on either our own side or our partners side of the blended family equation.

Once size does not fit all. I for one am glad to have this community to interface with and grateful for it's members for the unfaltering support and advice. I believe that this community saves many marriages and the well being of many children because we can all come her to vent and for support. Some present their stories and opinions with some humor, some speak of what is going through their minds and not necessarily what they actually do. Regardless of how people present their perspectives on this site all who use it should filter the comments and inputs from the perspective of what support they need. Take it with a grain of salt and as the Rev Ernest Angley told me when my dearly missed GrandFather took me to a faith healing crusade to have me cured of child onset diabetes when I was a teen "Take all things needed". The rest you can leave or ignore as you choose.

So, go in peace and come back when you need some support or advice. Or don't come back at all. It is your choice.

Best regards,

Well you have certianly taken the term "ignorant" to a new level!

I don't have a BM in the picture to "vent" about like you do...Must be nice to only have your step kid every other weekend..I've had mine for 24/7/365 for the past 9 years and don't even have the luxery of dropping her off at her BM's, either sets of Bio Grandparents, or anyone for even an over night break from her!

From my side of the step parental looking glass, I would be jumping for freaking joy to have BM in the picture and would be glad to hand her over several hundred a month (CS) if it meant I only had to deal with the Step Snot every other weekend or the occasional Holiday!!

Why should I get out of my marriage because I detest my step snot???? After all, I'm not married to HER..Oh and what about the son that DH and I share??? His parents should split up and divorce because his mother thinks his half sister is the brat THAT SHE IS??? Well thats real fair to the bio children DH and I share!

Newsflash sweet heart!! It's not all about the Step Kid in alot of these marriages! There are other kids involved and other things involved that don't make it so easy to "get out" just because we don't like our step kids... Geeezzzeee... Are you kidding me???

In my book, if the Step Snot "hates" me and my kids so much she should do herself, her dad, myself, and my kids a favor and go live with HER freakin mother!

In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~ disgusted

But we've seen this show, complete with song and dance on soapbox, MANY times before. Thanks for visiting and taking a gawk, judging our feelings, feeling superior, and lumping us all into your perception of the anti SM. It would appear as though you think the only venting we should be doing is about our DHs or BMs. They, like us are only part of the chaos that surrounds blending families.

We are BMs SMs DWs BFs SFs DHs
We are BSs, BDs, SDs, SSs
We are not evil step mothers.
We are not absolutes.

We care or we would have left a long time ago, but thanks for suggesting I go. I'll make sure to mention that one to DH when he calls me tonight. Because yeah...THAT's the answer. It's all the wicked SMs fault. And the children who are ill or simply taught to hate and drive us away, THAT'll help them become better people.

I won't go on. This subject is starting to become redundantly dull for me.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

leaving yet you come back, just to add more fuel to the fire I suppose.To try and make someone else feel like shit, STOP CALLING PEOPLE OUT JUST FOR US DEFENDING OURSELVES.But I agree completly with Sita..For you to come here and think you can judge us,you are freakin outta your mind..Sorry we cant be as great as you nor would I want to be..I think you are the one who is hostile and just trying to find people to take it out on..Now go on your merry way or stay here and LET US BE..

You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Sir Winston Churchill..

I say don't go...

Not because you spice it up by calling posters out but because there is so much to be learned. For you AND them.

I'm like you. I don't hate my stepkids. I love them very much actually. I really dislike BM and I'm not apologetic about it. I have a thousand plus reasons why I harbor ill feelings for that woman and I would defend myself a thousand time over as to why I am justified in how I feel.

I think that's what is going on here on this site. You are stumbling upon very strong feelings felt by members who are being terrorized by their stepkids.

I weed thru posts because I hardly have the time to keep up with everyone. I think you are weeding thru posts and pulling the negative ones and feeling such a strong sense of disagreement that you are only focusing on THAT negativity. I don't read a variety of posters because of similar reasons....I just can't relate.

I love my stepdaughters. They're easy to love. I can't really say what I would do if they weren't. I know some of the "negative" posters are in unbearable situations and have nowhere else to turn....and I respect that. I respect it enough to sugar coat any response I may have to them. No need to make them feel any worse than they already do.

I just think we can all learn from each other. But that's how I am. I don't like bullies and I enjoy grand discussions where all parties don't necessarily agree. It's how we are able to open our minds and see different perspectives. If I would have never shut up and listened to what people were actually trying to say to me, I would never be where I'm at right now...in a better place.

So I say stick around...stop finding the negative and look for the positive and situations that parallel yours.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

I don't think you are "ignorant, mean, hateful, or anything else anyone may have said to you on here about what you blog said". I think you said some things that alot of us think sometimes, but tend to blow off. Not to long ago I posted a blog about if we loved our step kids more would they return it? Alot of people just say what comes to thier head, they are allowed to vent here. Alot of the things said are mean and hateful, but alot of the things that are heaped upon us are mean and hateful!!

There are two kinds of step moms on here:

1. The ones that have problems with the BM all the time!

2. The ones that the BM may be okay, adds fuel to the fire, but the big problem is the kids themselves.

If you have great step kids, like I do, then awesome for you! Wooohoo!! That's how I feel about having great step kids. But I also understand how frustrating it can be when the step kids treat you like garbage, because mine did for the first two years. My big problem now is always the BM.

Read what you like, ignore what you don't. Thats what I do!

I am happy I found this website. I think some of the ladies are like myself BM and SP who by the time they found this site....

Had tried everything positive they could think of, had endured a lot at the BM or SK hand, were getting highly fed up and need to let it all out.

We have to be honest - some of the sk involved are not well behaved and are little monsters - why is it a crime to say so? Its not.

We have the right to voice our opinion in any way we like. We didn't ask for approval of these feelings or actions.

This site is here for those of us who enjoy the friendship and help in some cases.

If it is not for you - then move on.

But if you are not living in that household experiencing all of what we are going through then how do you make that comment.

Just leave if this is not what you expected or want. It is that damn easy.

people are very turned off by sarcasm. Personally, a sarcastic remark in the perfect spot can take the edge off of a sticky situation. But, back to my point, some people REALLY don't like it. And to be perfectly frank, those type of people shouldn't be on a site like this. This is nothing against them personally, but we all don't belong in all places.

This is a wonderful site, it is just not for her. PERIOD.