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frustrated stepmom

outsider's picture

Submitted by outsider on Tue, 03/03/2009 - 1:48pm

I have 2 teenage sds and both look and act as their mother does. I always think it would be much easier if they were like their father, that i adore. They are manipulative, compulsive liars, disrespectful to not only me, but their father (like their mother). I feel guilty, but I wish they would discontinue their every other weekend visit with their father. It gets very frustrating for me because I am finished raising my children and don't want to go back to the nagging mother phase. Any advice on how to cope with 4 days a week w/o resenting these children and causing arguments between me and my husband?

Comments

stepmom2one's picture

Submitted by stepmom2one on Tue, 03/03/2009 - 2:04pm

I don't want my SD over to my house either. But I can't/will never ask my H to give up visits with her. Just disengage, I guess, as much as possible. Don't nag if you don't want to--leave all the parenting up to your H.

imagr8tma's picture

Submitted by imagr8tma on Tue, 03/03/2009 - 2:49pm

advice but to disengage or ignore them as much as possible. Your H needs to get his kids under better control.

I can only imagine how hard it is with two bad attitude kids around. Geez.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 03/03/2009 - 3:17pm

that it's best for you to disengage & leave the parenting up to your DH. I think we've all felt this way at some point about the skids. Mine don't look a thing like their BM (THANK GOODNESS!!) but they acted just like her. I just hope that your DH will step up to the plate and be a PARENT, because goodness knows it sounds like these kids need one, especially if their mother is such a bad influence.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Tue, 03/03/2009 - 3:18pm

At least you only have to tolerate their behavior a few days a week. My H has full legal/physical custody of his daughter because BM's life is a complete goat screw. BM is only allowed visitation every other weekend, some holidays and 6 weeks in the summer.

My SD13 and I butt heads constantly. Even though she resembles her father's side of the family in looks and usually in temperment, ever since she turned 12 life at home has been horrible. I've even considered leaving my H a few times. The happiest days of my life are the times her BM picks her up for the weekends and I'm counting the days until spring break. My god.....10 whole days with no SD13 and her mouth.

Finally after being treated like complete s**t for over a year I told my H, the SD and SD's counselor I had enough. No more being nice, no more favors for that ungrateful child, no more helping with the parenting or reminding Dad that SD13 needs things deoderant, sanitary pads, soap, shampoo, etc. I was done treating her well, taking care of her and being there for her.

The only exceptions are her personal treatment of me and how she treats the house, shared living spaces and our possessions. I do speak up on all of those areas as long as they do not cross over into parenting. Then I refer her to her father. H was upset with this change but I said I've been crapped on for the last time. I did (and do) make observations regarding the teenage girl aspect and back him up when BM tries to undermine his authority in our household. Otherwise I stay out of it all.

Never eat more than you can lift.
Miss Piggy

melis070179's picture

Submitted by melis070179 on Tue, 03/03/2009 - 3:23pm

Just try to make the best of the time alone with your DH that you do have and when they are there try to keep your distance and do your own thing. Don't play mommy or housewife...make your DH do everything that involves them on his own. Sometimes thats what you have to do to save your sanity!

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"