Aaahh.... The trip to buy the Christmas Tree
Hi All........ Sooooooo I am hoping that this isn't just a thing at my house.......
OMG it seems to get worse every year. The trip for the Christmas tree... So in years past I did hope for the perfect tree but I have brought my standards down to realistic. You can't expect a real tree to be perfect right? So the trip with my DH has become a bigger nightmare each year.
This years trip was yesterday. Bad year for trees I hear as this year my standard dropped to I will accept one that is not dead in spots. If you start out with dead spots it won't last till New Years. So we walk around 5 mins. and decide to cut one. We go to the field and everyone I find has dead spots. I see a few I say ok and DH points out something. I say hey how about a larger one and we cut off the dead at the bottom he says no that won't work.
So we are there 45 mins but this is not my fault. He gets mad so he walks away I keep trying to look I am pressured so we leave. No tree!! He blames me ... he gets mad and starts yelling at me. things like, I do this every year, nothing makes me happy, I drive everyone crazy....
Well here is the deal. I bend over backwards for EVERYONE! He is short with me all the time lately. I let it go. He wants to go to something I go and spend hours and hours for his fun. So this is literally the one thing I care about and I am sorry it is the only thing I ask all year is let me pick my tree. I think he should stay 10 hours if he has to and it would never make up for the hours I give him and everyone else.
SOOOOO it has built and built.... he is yelling at me so finally I bust and I say a few really nasty things. We get home I apologize he ignores me. I decide to go get the tree alone. I do I find one and bring it home. He is still being a jerk and won't talk to me. Even today. He said things to me too. Sorry is all I can be for what I said but I am not sorry that I made him go to get the tree. HOWEVER, NEVER AGAIN!! I am either going alone each year or getting an artificial one!!
First am I wrong to think he could go without complaining? And I said I was sorry couldn't he just let it go? Has anyone had any similar experiences Christmas Tree shopping? Do you get real trees or fake?
This doesn’t sound like...
A good start to the holiday season! What's going on with your DH? There's really no good reason for him to yell at you or give you the silent treatment. I understand people are having an especially hard time this year, but that kind of behavior is unacceptable.
I do a fake tree. It's white and I change the color theme each year. I figure if I'm going fake, I'm going the whole way. Plus, my tree cost about the same as one real tree and I hate having trees cut down for this.
Not sure what this has to do
Not sure what this has to do with step kids but I will say your DH is a giant douche bag
It's more than the tree as
It's more than the tree as you are aware. You should be able to talk with him calmly about how you both need to do activities together and about compromise. Or go to a counselor. I never have this issue with DH. Or, rather, we discuss things and agree on plans before they happen and if he gets all impatient, he can just go sit somewhere like a child. Just don't take his impatience in my face. He does not do it often.
I am the one who halted tree shopping together. We used to do it with SDs. But then the 2nd Xmas BM came! I was left trailing behind everyone thinking this is crazy. Then BM didn't have payment (they don't take cards). I should have directed her to cash machine two miles away....but I was new. Covered her tree. Never saw the $. SAME thing following year. Plus no one but me ever watered the freaking tree. After that, I bought a fake tree, no more tricks and negotiation. Done. If DH wants a real one he can do it himself.
This is clearly much more
This is clearly much more than "a tree". Or this particular trip to get the tree, obviously. It sounds like he wants what he wants and expects you to be "all aboard", but when it's something YOU want to do... well, what an inconvenience.
I personally have an artificial tree and always have. I got a new one 4 years ago... it looks real! The one I had previously lasted 20 years - I donated it as it was still usable. I recommend buying one AFTER Christmas when they are on sale (they can be fairly expensive). My current tree was almost $600, on sale for $240 (2 days after Christmas).
This is why I don't like the
This is why I don't like the holidays.
Well, your DH needs to learn
Well, your DH needs to learn to manage his anger. While I don't think he should really be expected to spend 10 hours looking for the right tree, 45 minutes doesn't seem awful. And he could certainly share his concerns in a non-hurtful way.
I have an artificial tree, I don't care much about Christmas.
Hahahaha .. I wouldn't even stay 10 hours
I just picked that number to make my point that with all I do and they things I attend for him, he should go and stay as long as it takes. No time limit. I don't assess one to him.
Do you get real trees or fake
Do you get real trees or fake?
I honestly have never put up a Christmas tree, real or fake, since I moved out on my own. I once had a fake fig tree that I would put lights on but I got rid of that long ago.
DH likes to tell the story of my Christmas Chair. When we were first dating, I just set all the presents that I had bought for family by the side of the living room chair and called it good. That was before the fake fig.
He has never suggested that we get a Christmas tree (been together 24 yrs) so I just go on as I want. Sometimes, I decorate (minus the tree), and sometimes I don't.
I eventually moved to a fake
I eventually moved to a fake tree, then to no tree. I actually sold my fake tree when we moved a couple of years ago but hadn't put it up anyway for a few years prior. My SO and I stopped exchanging Christmas gifts as well and only do birthdays.
I never had a tree when I
I never had a tree when I lived alone - DH wants one so we put it up. We generally don't get presents for each other though, at least not since I talked him out of them.
I'm jealous that yours doesn't care, I hate decorating for Christmas.
I wish I could talk him out
I wish I could talk him out of exchanging Christmas gifts but this is the guy who celebrates my birthday for an entire week.
We sometimes get one or two
We sometimes get one or two small ones, and stuff for the dog - I'd get nothing if it were up to me. I tell him I don't want anything for my birthday except a dinner out, or sometimes a weekend away. I'd much rather get experiences, or use the money to fix up our house.
Actually he does care
Loves the tree, loves the decorations and Christmas. He boosts to anyone who comes over about what a great decorator I am. He just doesn't want to spend the time looking for the tree. Or any other kind of shopping. He seems to like to rush through life to get home to do what I don't know.
So don't get me wrong my DH isn't all bad. He lacks patients and just seems to always be in a hurry to get to no where. It is very frustrating.
I was referring to hereiam, I
I was referring to hereiam, I'm jealous that her DH doesn't care. I'm glad he at least appreciates it. Your DH seems to have an anger issue - does he have ADHD?
Also surprised at
how many people do not get a tree at all.... I spend all of Thanksgiving weekend decorating.