oh dear - the only way to do this is taking the bull by it's horns and tell SO... your daughter came to visit you not me, so start being a parent to her...

If SD asks you something stupid... tell her Ask Daddy sweety.... now I'm not talking about bathing and washing her hair, that you can still do and teach her how to do it herself.... but if she's hungry.. Ask daddy Hon....

If SO gets angry because now he has to lift his ass from the coach, smile and say - hold on... I thought I was your girlfriend, are you saying I'm a for free child minder/nanny/maid?

You buy Sd nothing, it's up to her parents to provide for her... you only buy something for her if you want to, if you don't want to then don't.

You only cook one meal a day - if SD does not want to eat it she can go to bed hungry or SO can make her something else...

remember she's not your child, treat her like you would treat any strange child, stop parenting her, get her father to parent her more, you are just there for fun things... and only if you want to...

tell SO - you do not have children of your own cause you are not ready to be a parent yet and if you are ready to be a parent it's not to some one elses kid...

just be open and honest with him, if it means the end of the relationship then at least you have not wasted years on raising some one else's kid and you can start fresh and new, then SO never truley loved you he was just looking for a child minder

You should not be looking after her, she is HIS responsibility.

Don't look after her. It's that simple. Sometimes I have those days where I feel like I'm doing more than my husband, so I go upstairs and sit in my room with a book and a face mask. If SD comes in, I tell her I'm having alone time. Then she has to go to her dad and get him to entertain her/hangout with her. I'll also tell him "hey, I'm struggling a bit today so can you focus on SD and make sure she has what she needs?" \\

What is your boyfriend doing while you're watching his child? Unless he's developing the cure for cancer or feeding the homeless, he should be actively parenting his own child. Where's the mother? Perhaps you need to take the little girl to her mom if he's not going to be around.

Just like everyone has mentioned.. it's up to your partner to be responsible for care of his own kid. Caring for the kid should only be on your terms and not something he should ever assume or expect from you.

I went through this with my SO when his son was 4. At 4 they are a handful and need/demand almost constant attention and that gets old real fast. I had several not so pleasant discussions with my SO, but that was necessary to make him see that the kid was not my responsibility. I was willing to walk away if needed. Eventually SO figured out that I was NOT going to do the parenting for him and he had to step up and do it all himself. I do help these days only because I choose to, not because I have to. I also disengaged for several months to save my sanity.

Stand your ground even if an argument or two happens. He'll likely say things like "I thought we are a team and work together bla bla", "Do you not love/like my daughter?", "If you love me you would help me" and so many more bullcrap things to try guilt you into doing the parenting work.

Sounds like just me when I met my husband. Lovely man, adorable 4 year old girl. I was head over heels. She was great too- outgoing, sweet, loved me. But something started eating at me right before the wedding... I was googling things like "I'm not ready to be a stepmom?" and "boyfriend expects me to parent"

That's because he started in so fast with the "but you can't do that this weekend, we have SD" and expecting me to practically move in with him so I could bathe her every night and put her to bed. Cooking 2 dinners. Watching her when he wanted to run errands. Watching her on my day off work. Picking her up early for school closures when he couldn't. I lived 30 minutes away from him in a house that I bought and worked full time in a demanding career. I had my s*** together in a big way. I was looking for a life partner, not a part-time job as a nanny.

But I got guilted into all these "parental" sacrifices and chores I never expected, but did it often, all in the name of "being a partner" and a "good girlfriend."

So, NO- he needs to parent. Acropotates said it best. Only do what you want to do. The rest is his problem. I wish I'd found this site years ago. 5 years later I've finally convinced him he married a wife not a nanny/driver/cook/Bm's b*tch.

Good luck to you!

You should talk to your partner about this. I think that's the best thing you can do.