Advice new divorce
This is actually a legal question but it is cheaper to ask some advice from you all then call my lawyer right now. Currently my husband and I are going through a horrible divorce. I have temporary possession of the house right now. (Ironically it is the house he personally built for his first wife, son and himself). He has very minimal visitation with our 5 month old. Only every other weekend from 9to 6 with no over nights and Wed from 5-8. Here is my question. Every time he has come to the home to get our daughter he has had someone with him. It usually is a friend of his. This friend comes into the home with him while he is getting daughter in carrier. Only once he had his mother come along. Granted I know this friend and this friend was once both of ours…now I do not trust this friend. I have never invited this friend into the home for these pick ups….this friend just walks into the house on his own. He never says anything…just stands there. Do I have the right to tell friend of his to stay outside??? I am not comfortable with my husband and this man (both over 6 foot and little 5’2” me) in the house. I have tried to have someone else at the home for our pick ups and drop offs but all my friends have better things to do then to drive 30 minutes out of their way just to be at the home
I think you have every right
I think you have every right to ask the friend to please wait outside. I am not a lawyer, so that means squat. I assume your ex is bringing the friend as a "witness" (I would actually do that if I were in the situation)
I'm sure they wouldn't mind you having a video recorder taping the exchange or a "witness" of your own.
DH's ex does the same,
and the only reason that I don't like it is because it makes him (and you) a sitting duck. They are bringing friends and/or family as potiential 'witnesses'. Depending on the morals of these indviduals whom seeminly have nothing better to do than accompany the other party to a child exchange may or may not decide to lie for your ex. Your soon to be ex and his friend can make up all kinds of lies.... they can say you were drunk when they picked up the baby, they can say you attacked your soon to be ex.... believe me there is absolutely NO limit to what these people will say.
He will have a 'witness' and you will be alone and the court will likely go with the majority.
I also bet that your soon to be ex is using someone that used to be mutual friend because he wants to gather people and get them on "his side"..... totally stupid I know, but it happens. He is likely telling everyone how crazy you are, how erratic you behave, etc. and is bringing once mutual friends to show them how horrible you 'really' are.
If you cannot stop them from comming, I would be sweet as pie and never show anything less than complete kindness, SHOW them that you are not what he is saying.
I like nodoormat's idea of
I like nodoormat's idea of having them both wait outside and handing the baby off. He has to strap her carrier into the car either way, so why not just carry the baby to the car? IMO he should have his own carrier/car seat, diaper bags change of clothes etc anyway. If he is going to be involved there is no reason that he can't provide the duplicates of everything for his car/house.
There no need to be rude, but simply say "I would be more comfortable if........." and then let it go at that. Don't open the door wide enough for either of them to walk in.
Protect Yourself and Be Proactive
Get a digital voice recorder and have it on whenever he comes to pick the baby up for visitation (of course, I would check the laws in your state, but many states permit recording when one of you knows it's occurring). That way, you have a tangible record of what was said or NOT said if someone tries to bring false charges against you. And you have every right to deny entrance to your house to anyone you choose. Tell your STBXH that you would rather he didn't bring the friend into the house and that you will have the baby ready when he comes to the door.