The big "meltdown" of the weekend
My BF and I talked about what time the kids should go to bed on saturday night. They had stayed up late the night before and were tired and we had lots of "easter bunny" stuff to do. We decided on 8:30 for bed time. My BS doesn't care and would go to bed at 7pm if we told him too, lol. However SD had a huge problem with it. She started with "pleeeease" I was cleaning up the kitchen and didn't realise SD was in my bedroom harassing her dad, she whines and whines and then he gives in. Anyway, she came running out and said "We get to stay up until 9pm now" I said "no you don't your dad and I already discussed it and it's 8:30 just because you whine and whine until he can't take it anymore doesn't mean you're going to get your way, it's still 8:30". I wish I had taken a picture of her, she was so mad she cried and screamed that she hates us all (not that I really care) but her dad doesn't like when she is mad at him, I try to explain that even when a child says I hate you they will always love their mommy or daddy. He said to me "what's the big deal, it's only 9pm" He just doesn't get it, she can't win or the next time she'll just whine longer until he gives in. So he went out to the living room and said "She says it's still 8:30 and you shouldn't try to make me change my mind, I discussed it with her and she wants it to stay 8:30". Notice how he calls me "she" or "her". GRRRR, I said "my name is Dawn and yes it's still 8:30" Why does he make me out to be the bad guy, he's the one that said 8:30 to begin with. I hate when she comes to visit, she just disrupts the entire household. I wish that the week began with Sunday afternoon and ended Friday afternoon and then started over again at sunday afternoon, lol.
Its not your fault
He can't stick to the time. She knows how to play him and if he wants to have any control ever he better change his ways or its going to be to late when she is 16 and says I will be home at 1 and he says no.. It will be to late.. I back you 100%. If he can't see that then to bad..
You are only trying to have control and not let the kids all run the show...
Its called parenting..
Happy
" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..
she does know how to play him
I try to look at things from her perspective and it's no wonder she'd rather I didn't live there. She always got her way for 7 years, she would just whine until he gave in. I feel I have a bit more control now than I did when I moved in but I've really had to fight for it. It's been a long year and a half. He always agrees with me and he wants her to stop whining but I can't seem to get through to him that if he gives in to the whining next time she'll assume he'll give in to and then she'll whine even longer. Oh, she's going to tell her mom that daddy said yes and then Dawn said no, lol. I did tell her that we don't care she can tell her mom whatever she wants but it's not her moms house. My bf said the same thing, that mom's rules don't apple in "our" house. I feel I'm making progress but why I'm always the "bad guy" I don't know. I guess that way BF and SD can still be buddies without him having to parent. My mom suggested that next time she whines about staying up later I tell her that it'll be earlier if she doesn't stop the whining.
I know how you feel
I feel like I always get to be the bad guy too. My Dh will say the same thing with whatever it is..."it's no big deal" but you have to stick to your guns.
We have the same thing here. I will tell ss that "no" he can't do something. He will wait a little while and then go ask his dad and dad will say it is ok. When I find out, dad is in big trouble. One time this happened and Dh had a little talk with ss and told him that playing one of us against the other isn't acceptable. He went on to tell ss that then not only do you get in trouble but I(dad)get in trouble too!
Dawn
I hear you
Is it any wonder why you don't like it when she's there? She has more control than you do and your bf allows it. Your bf undermined you and then put the blame on you. That is not fair. Unfortunately, I've been there too. This whole stepchild (and his mother) controlling my life, and making me out to be the bad guy thing hits close to home with me. Dh and I are working on it, but it's not easy.
I sympathize.
Good luck!