BM has crossed the line!!
Forums:
So DH has domicile custody of SS4. BM told him she needed SS birth certificate and ss card for summer daycare. Turns out she went and registered him for Pre-K without notifying ANYONE on this end! We had no clue until SS said he went to his new pre-k! DH went to school and talked to principal. BM admitted doing it. She said it was time to register him so she just did it...DH and I are
both infuriated that she did this without any kind of hinting and was asking for SS information and LIED about what she was using it for!!!
Who has legal custody??
Who has legal custody?? Physical and legal are different.
The papers say joint custody
The papers say joint custody with DH being domicile parent and BM having reasonable visitation.
Check out his paperwork and
Check out his paperwork and the law. Take her to court if you have to. I have sole legal custody of my kids so their father can't do this.
Is there a problem with the
Is there a problem with the school? If not don't start WWIII. It's her kid also - always remember that.
I understand he is her child.
I understand he is her child. But she has taken it upon herself to go behind our back and prepare SS for a part of life that DH is legally and ultimately authorized to be a part of. According to Louisiana state laws WE have the authority to make the final decision concerning the child. BM has input but does NOT have the final say so. Whether it was time to register him or not it was SPITEFUL and downright coldblooded to go behind his father's back with NO intention of letting him know! She LIED about why she needed SS information for heaven's sakes!
That is the trouble w
That is the trouble w BMs..they often resent and ignore the SM and SO. It would be a lot better if they treated longtime SO/SMs. DHs have enough probs w BMs to demand respect for SM...and may not see them in that role but get pissed when you don't love them like one of your own. Bio parents can't have it both ways.
The era of cell phones makes it worse....BM communicates only w DH. I can't stand the reports back and the interruptions during dinner...evening time but he's too accommodating to say anything.
It's a good school but that
It's a good school but that was not where we were planning on him going. My husband is more upset about the fact that after multiple attempts at us bending over backwards to work with BM she tries to rob him of one of the most important pieces of his child's education.
We're not exactly sure where
We're not exactly sure where to go from here. That's why I was posting to hopefully get some advice from ones that have been in a similar situation. DH is such a sweet man and very passive aggressive. Not one to start a confrontation. But neither of us are sure of how best to handle this without stirring up something that would cause grief for SS later on.
The school is workable and no
The school is workable and no he has not started. But there is a possibility we may be moving this summer (which we have already discussed with BM) and we didnt want to do anything hasty. DH was waiting to find out when and where we'd be moving then we were going to follow up with BM about school. She never ONCE approached us about school or asked what we were planning tho we ALWAYS check with her before doing anything even tho DH has domiciliary custody.
We had every intention too.
We had every intention too. But I feel as though she did this out pf spite and to show him that SHE was in control. Like his opinion didn't matter.
I know what you mean....and
I know what you mean....and herein lies our dilemma.
At Blue Belle, this is a site
At Blue Belle, this is a site to vent frustration right? Whether the child is biologically mine or not he belongs to the man that I love and respect and I therefore give him just as much love and concern. If a child lives in MY home I have every right to be upset about a situation...especially when it concerns my husband and his grief. And since this is my home and my husband we are talking about I consider his battles and his baggage to be mine. He may be the one with custody but the child lives with US and WE pay for his medical, emotional, and physical needs...not just DH.
I have noticed; however,
I have noticed; however, there are some bitter women who have nothing better to do than to twist things around and stir up a good shi* fest.
I'm new to this but trying to catch on quickly. What is OP? And FDH?
Yes there are a few bitter
Yes there are a few bitter SD's lurking about. Watch out.
Finally some understanding!
Finally some understanding!
I'm a teacher as well so I
I'm a teacher as well so I can empathize. Not sure what my rights are. Can you fill me in?
Ok ladies. Since I'm so "full
Ok ladies. Since I'm so "full of it" and have nothing better to do with my time than join a website to rant about this "random" woman instead of trying to promote stability in my home would you please from here on out ignore any posts unrelated to stepmothers and unintended for non stepmothers. Its pretty obvious how much misery loves company.
If that isn't the school dad
If that isn't the school dad wants him to attend, call the school have his name removed. Dad can then put him in the school of his choice.
THIS! Criminy.
THIS!
Criminy.
I can see where this would be
I can see where this would be upsetting - but you did mention that it's pre-k right? Does pre-k really make *that* much of a difference? I can see where perhaps you want to nip this in the bud with BM for the next year - but right now starting a war instead of making a plan for this not to happen in the future seems like it's bound to bite you in the ass late.
I dunno, I live in OH and well, my son went to ghetto daycare because that's what I could afford at the time and they loved him like he was their own and now he's in a gifted academy.
If I were in your shoes, I'd start getting stuff ready for K and up. If you can stand the pre-k then I'd tell DH to have a discussion about K and up and that he's made a decision about those and that he will be making the legal arrangements from now on.
Good luck.
Figure out if you are moving.
Figure out if you are moving. If so just change his school. From reading through your comments I see in your state he has the legal right not her. Have him email her to talk about this and save the emails!!! He might need them!!
Funny thing, I am a bio mom.
Funny thing, I am a bio mom. Was a step mom for 12 years to bd kid, now living with boyfriend and his kid. In one relationship we didn't support each other, I got the whole SHE is MY kid line. In this one we work at it together. Still have kid problems but it hasn't effected the relationship at all. So all the bio moms that maintain she is only a step parent... Back off... She loves the kid, wants what is best for him, and is backing dad.
Thanks everyone. Yes the laws
Thanks everyone. Yes the laws in LA are very different. The reason Pre-K is so important is because SS will stay at that school until the 6th or 8th grade...depending how far the school goes. It's important to make decisions as a family. And considering BM is SS's mother, we have always included her in any decision making. My husband even informed her of his DENTIST visit. I don't think it's too much to ask that she have the same respect for DH and notify him when there's something she would like to do for SS ESPECIALLY when it includes anything legal, medical, or school related...considering DH IS the domiciliary parent.
Wasn't trying to start a war ladies! Just venting frustration. And I figured most of you here could relate since 9 out of 10 of you have ridiculous BMs
We are going to TRY and have
We are going to TRY and have an adult conversation with her and her BD. Had plans to do it last week. She cancelled. Had plans to do it today. She cancelled. If it doesn't happen tomorrow DH is going to get her email and handle it from there.