BM responding to custody arrangements

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Has anyone had experience with a BM that won't respond to custody arrangements?? I'm trying my best to not care and worry about what's going on but BM refuses to respond to emails or texts about living arrangements for SD. She claimed at the beginning of the month she was done with her daughter, but anytime child support is mentioned she goes silence. I can't stand all this! I feel like this woman is controlling my house and I hate it. Not sure what to do..... do I make a demand and say if BM doesn't respond take SD home or just while my tongue and being mad at all parties involved?? This whole thing sucks! Why do people make stuff so difficult? DH keeps saying we might have to pay for 6 months and then go to court but that's a no go for me. Anyone deal with anything like this?? Just feel so helpless and super stressed out daily.

Dh might be right

I read your other post and sd has only been living with you for less than a month. I get the not knowing is hard but bm might calm down and want her offspring back (which sounds like it might be the best for you) is it because your paying child support to bm? I'm not sure how it works where you are we just ring a phone number and tell them circumstances have changed. Sorry your going through this

He can't do anything about

He can't do anything about child support until SD has moved in for a longer period of time than a month and y'all can prove it's the new status quo. Children flip flop all the time, especially teenagers, so child support won't be easily overturned until it's proven to be a permanent arrangement. After about three months he should file to cancel child support and you should have calendars marking out custodial time and noncustodial time clearly documented. By the time y'all actually get into court to see someone about it, (and if SD is still living with y'all primarily) then you ask for a modification.

He should contact BM several

He should contact BM several times asking her to come pick up SD. Then he should start court proceedings and serve BM with papers seeking full custody and child support. She will then come pick her kid up.

I think you deserve a say in what happens in your home and he shouldn't be just doing nothing, with no plan. No, you should not hold your tongue, but find a way to discuss it.

He is likely right. Once she

He is likely right. Once she has been there for 3 months, then file for a change in circumstances and for child support to be terminated being paid by him and even file for CS from BM.

It is going to have to be a few months of pain unfortunately. Unless BM is willing to sign something stating that she is turning over residential custody to your DH. Then you should be able to make things move much quicker, but it sounds like that is not that case. Also- if you press her to hard she might take SD back just to keep the money.

If you want SD gone, he

If you want SD gone, he should file to end CS right away. BM will come get her to keep the $$ flowing. If you want SD to stay (LOL), then waiting to establish status quo before filing makes sense.

^^^^

So Much this. Chances are BM will come snatch SD back once he tries to formalize the agreement.

Thanks for the info everyone!

Thanks for the info everyone! I just want this to all be over. Its making me so stressed out and I just don't know if I have it in me to do some long drawn out court thing.

If BM goes silent and you don

If BM goes silent and you don't want that, get aggressive. She does not want to discuss CS, no problem. Take it to court. All it takes is a call to the DA's office to initiate a CS review and BM will get nailed for CS whether she participates or not. This was one of the most entertaining experiences we had in dealing with the SpermClan during the 16+ years we lived under the Custody/Visitation/Support order. The SpermIdiot actually ran from teh Constable when he was being served with the subpoena for CS review. Since he ran and refused to participate the DA asked mY DW (the CPA keeps every record brilliant woman I married) to provide information on the Spermidiot's income, etc.... So she went CPA on his ass. CS went from $133/mo to $785/mo and direct payroll withholding was invoked which brought the Spermidiot screaming into court when he got his first $0 pay check.

His crying resulted in a court hearing in front of an admin law Judge where, long story shorter, CS was adjusted to $385/mo though he had to pay $785/mo for two years due to the arrears that were awarded for his running from the Constable.

Depending on how toxic BM in your situation is, it will never be over. Even when the Skids are adults. In our case the shallow and polluted gene pool of the SpermClan has never gone away though they certainly crawl out from under their slime covered rock at the bottom of their shallow and polluted gene pool far less often than they used to when we lived under the CO.

Good luck.

Take care of you and your family.