Checklist
There are so many women on the forums at the moment with similar issues around SOs not breaking emotional ties with their exes. Not me, of course. my SO is completely over BM. LOL.
What do you say we create checklist for people who are doubting whether their SO is still emotionally attached…or how much. Something like "if you check more than 15 of the 20 boxes, he's still attached" or "5 out of the 20 and you're just a control freak". 
Here's one to start it off:
1. Does he raise BM in conversation more than twice a day on days where there has been no contact with her?
2. Do YOU raise BM in conversation more than twice a day on days when there has been no contact with her?
Or does this kind of checklist already exist?
I apologize to all the Stepdads out there for only talking about women here. It just seems like you guys aren't as bothered by these issues. Is it because we ladies draw more distinct boundaries between ourselves and our exes or because you are able to see that an ex wife/gf is not as much of a threat as the many other new women out there who could turn your head?
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I think that if you feel the
I think that if you feel the need to take a quiz on whether your SO/DH/BF is over-attached emotionally to his ex-wife, then he probably is. At a minimum it means he has more contact with her than you're comfortable with .. which should be a red flag on its own. Just my two cents ..
Good point. Maybe question
Good point. Maybe question three will be
3) You are taking this quiz. 1 point
But we're not as objective as we'd like to think we are. Just because I don't feel comfortable with something, doesn't make it wrong. They are very good at convincing us that our criteria is way out of line. You start to doubt. My SO doesn't like me to have a lot of contact with any of my male friends. Most of them are gay. He doesn't feel comfortable, does that make it wrong?
"They are very good at
"They are very good at convincing us that our criteria is way out of line."
If you feel like he is not being honest, or his contact with his ex-wife makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to communicate that to him! It's not about being right or wrong all the time .. sometimes it's simply about setting respectable boundaries you can BOTH live with.
"My SO doesn't like me to have a lot of contact with any of my male friends. Most of them are gay. He doesn't feel comfortable, does that make it wrong?"
If you're saying that it's okay for him to dictate who you talk to .. but not okay for you to voice your concerns about his excessive contact with his ex-wife, then yes, it is wrong.
My bf thank god is way over
My bf thank god is way over bm. Never brings her up. I used to when I felt more insecure until someone on here pointed out that I was making him feel like I didn't trust him to handle things. I'm still getting used to the whole situation but I've gotten much better! Love the checklist idea. If mine was still emo attached I think I wouldn't n
Be able to stay. I love him but I love myself more. Not willing to live with the stress
Thank goodness that my DH
Thank goodness that my DH doesn't have this issue. I tend to be insecure at times anyway. This would have destroyed our relationship before it truly began. Now he shows everyone (including the baby mama) that I am the FIRST and ONLY wife.
Sheldon.fan, I'm not sure
Sheldon.fan, I'm not sure this means he's emotionally attached. I think it's more about him needing to convince himself that his kids have a great mom. Because the alternative is: "I left my kids. I'm a terrible father. I'm not around to save them and guide them and to make it worse I left them with a useless mother". Guilt.
But it still hurts you! I would tell him that. It doesn't need to be reasonable. He doesn't have to agree that you have a "right" to feel that way. You're not asking for his permission to feel that way, just asking him to respect it and avoid behaving/speaking in ways that make you feel that way.
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If they (DH and BM) talk on
If they (DH and BM) talk on the phone more than once a week. 3 points
If he (DH) answers the phone/text every time BM calls/text. 5 points
OK, try every day. No, I lie.
OK, try every day. No, I lie. Every day that they don't SEE each other, which varies from twice a week to four times a week (depending on whether it's his weekend or not). And actually, even calls some days that they are going to see each other later, if skids have got a temperature (which they have 60% of the time and are on antibiotics because BM is paranoid).
Oh I am STACKING up those points. :O
That's because he still has a
That's because he still has a relationship with her.
Bf used to answer or call
Bf used to answer or call back all the time bc he thought could be something important bout kids. He kept conversations short but still answered. It took her being busy with current bf and us never hearing from her for him to realize what she was pulling.