I've told him that I'll take some time away so he can repair his relationship with his kids. He said that it's not what he wants, but I need to let them do what they need to do and stay out of it. She definitely thinks she has all the power. I know teenage girls are awful in general, having been one myself!

"You are not LESS THAN, they are."

Thank you. I needed that...

BM and her wife are incredibly manipulative and will do whatever they can to convince the children that they can do no wrong. BM's wife has even gone so far as to tell SKs that she will fulfill the role of their father if that's what they want. It's crazy making.

The SKs and I used to have a great relationship, but it all started to fall apart when I was expected to take more of a role in the day to day parenting. They say they want me to "act like" their parent, but get angry when there are rules. It doesn't help that BM's wife is about 10 years younger than the rest of the adults in their lives and acts like a trained circus monkey when they're together. I'm all for having fun with the kids, but acting like a child to impress children isn't really my thing.

I'm definitely not judging - I really don't care that she left him and now has a new spouse. She and her wife can do whatever they please, as long as they leave me out of it. Calling me a c*nt in the school parking lot and calling the police to try to get me arrested for kidnapping on my day to pick up the SKs after school takes it a little too far.

"Let me just suggest something to you. When an immature, insecure young teen girl said something inappropriate to you, I wish you could have seen it for what it really was. Instead of bowing up at her with your statements of "I'll do what I want and I don't give a damn how affects anyone else, especially you" what if you had responded with sympathy to her feelings and validated her as a person.

You could have said "SD, it must seem so scary to think that your Dad might have another baby. You must be worried about a lot of things. I hope you know that your Dad's love for you is unchanging, deep, and strong. Another brother or sister won't take away any of his love but it will be a person who thinks you are the coolest thing since sliced bread. Maybe you and your Dad should talk about how you're feeling. Would you like a hug?""

There was more to the "you're not allowed to have a baby" conversation than I included in my original post. We started with an open conversation in potential changes in our family life and what it would look like for all of us. I have a unique perspective because I too am 12 years older than my baby sister (11 years older than my brother). I was an only child for over a decade in a family situation that is far from normal. My parents started dating when I was 2. My "dad" is the only dad I've ever known. My siblings may be my half siblings, but none of us have ever referred to each other that way, not that there's anything wrong with that. They're my brother and sister and other than my own DD, are the best part of my life. I tried to talk to SD13 about how she would be an excellent role model for a sweet baby (whether or not that's true) and how the age difference really doesn't matter as you grow up. I told her that with a baby, things would be forever changed, but changed for the better. That's when she started yelling that I wasn't allowed to have a baby. DH didn't correct the behavior, but he did ask her if she was worried that he would change the way he felt about her and she started to cry. At the time, I suppose that was the right thing to do. I was just so shocked that she would say something like that to me. He just sat on the couch as she continued to yell that I wasn't allowed. That's when I firmly told her that my and DH's decision to have a baby was not something she had a say in. I told her that if DH and I wanted to have a baby, that was a choice that we would be making as we are the adults in this relationship. DH didn't respond. SD13 said that "BM and her wife would never do something like this to me".

After I found out I was having a baby, SD9 was thrilled and asked if she could name her new sister. She was wonderful and kind and respectful my whole pregnancy. SD13, on the other hand, called BM and told her our news (after DH asked her not to, as he wanted to tell BM himself). BM then sent me an email about how this was unfair to her child. I didn't reply. SD13's behavior was considerably worse during the pregnancy - she even punched me in the stomach twice. The first time, I told her that in our home we respect people's bodies and their personal boundaries and she just laughed and socked me again. When SD9 asked how the baby would be born, I told her that her sister would make her entrance in one of two ways. SD13 told me I couldn't say the word "vaginal" in front of her because BM said I'm not supposed to. I politely told her that in my home, we can talk openly about medical things because A) it's factual, it's natural, and C) I'm a medical professional. When DH came home from work and I told him what happened, he talked with SD13 and her answer was "she knows she's not allowed to say those things" and that was the end of the conversation.

BM and her wife refuse to help DH and I find a therapist for the girls. DH and I wanted to go as a family, the two of us and SKs, but BM says she needs to interview any therapist we might choose. I understand that she wants to make sure her children are safe and feel comfortable speaking to a therapist, but she rejects anyone we find and doesn't offer any alternatives. SKs need therapy big time (so do DH and I, but that's another story) to help cope with everything going on in their lives. Maybe some day BM will try to facilitate that.

He doesn't know what to do about it and I get it, but it's infuriating. He told me a few weeks ago that he didn't want them to drive a wedge between the two of us. Too late!