DGS is getting bitter.....not good
My DGS has chosen not to have contact with his BM for several months. He is now 6 and hasn't seen her in almost 3 years. She has had phone calls 3 times a week, but misses many of her calls. He now refuses to speak with her when she calls. Both his DS and SM insist he at least answer and try to encourage him to at least have short conversations with her, but he simply shuts down and says he has nothing to say and says good bye.
Today he and I were out shopping and he started to tell me why he refuses to talk with his BM. He told me She doesn't love me, I can tell. When we talk she never wants to know about me, she just talks about herself and all her vacations, parties, going out to dinner, but she doesn't bother to even come see me. People who love you make time to see you. I told DS about this conversation and it broke his heart. Both DS and SM never bad mouth his BM and always tells him that they all love him, but he obviously doesn't feel it.
None of us know how to address this with him, or how to explain the situation without invalidating his feelings. Ordinarily, I would just tell his BM what he said and how he feels, but with her, let's just say, it's not an option, as she is not receptive to any input from DS, ever. Anyone had this situation? How to explain without making it worse? Help, thanks!
BM visitation
In this case the BM has been on supervised visitation for the last 3 years. She has never used her visitation time, even when DS offered to pay for the visits, instead of only half, which was the court order. Prior to that they shared 50/50, but due to her drug problems, as well a mental health problems, sole custody was given to DS. She has chosen to move 800+ miles away from DGS. She moved about 2 years ago, but had not exercised her visitation even prior to her move. It's a heartbreaking situation all around.......especially for DGS and his BM. She is missing soooo much.
When my children were a
When my children were a similar age, they struggled with their father and I divorcing and their father being absent ( he lived in a different country). There is a group specially set up to help children with bereavment - whether by divorce, abandonment or death) called "Rainbows" which I enrolled them in and it was very helpful. Perhaps there might be one near to you that your DGS could attend? If not, perhaps it would be possible to find a child counselor?
I'd suggest he get the boy
I'd suggest he get the boy into therapy and invite BM to participate. Give her the name and number of the therapist, and ask the therapist to reach out to her as well. Maybe she can hear from a third party that she's ruining her own relationship with her son. If she refuses to participate, that speaks volumes too.
Counseling for sure.
Barring that, I think the kid is doing what he thinks he has to do to protect himself from being hurt by his mother.
Given the situation, I don't blame him one bit.
Thank you all......
I feel rather foolish, of course therapy is an excellent way to address this. Whether BM is willing to attend or not, it could help him address this, as well as other issues I'm sure he must have but just hasn't put them into words yet.
Rainbows sounds like a fabulous program! I will definitely have DS look into that as well.
Yes, plus it shows that your
Yes, plus it shows that your DS does want his son to have a relationship with his mother, and is trying to facilitate that however he can.