Mom refuses to accept reality
I am new here and this is my first post. I'm really just asking this for my own peace of mind.
BM was put on supervised visitation over two years due to drug abuse and child neglect. She was given the usual court requirements...stop doing drugs, maintain a residence, get a job and maintain visitation with her son. Naturally, she has done none of these things. She moved 800 miles away, without notifying the court, refuses to give her address, or submit any of the court ordered drug tests she is supposed to submit monthly. There was a court date in late January where she agreed to give DS full custody (they previously had joint custody). Her only communication with GS has been 3 phone calls each week, many of which she has missed.
Recently, my GS (6yrs old) has begun refusing to talk to her when she calls. His Dad and Stepmom make sure he is available for every call, but he says the calls are "annoying" and he doesn't really remember her, so he doesn't want to talk. She is now burning up Talking Parents app. claiming that this is PAS and she will be taking them back to court. Has anyone ever had this situation, where the child just refused to converse with BM? Did the court see this in a bad light? I have been footing all of the lawyers fees and in truth, am loathe to have to pay more for this nonsense. Needless to say, there are plenty more examples of her poor parenting and lack of interest in her child, but this is the main problem now. Any advice or experiences, please!
I haven't had this situation but I sympathize
You're the grandmother, right? What a situation. I guess it's human nature for her to want to assert her BM position as she feels her son slipping away. Of course, thats her own fault. I really feel for you watching this.
Your DS needs to comply with
Your DS needs to comply with the court order. If GS is court ordered to speak to BM via phone 3 times per week, DS needs to make sure that GS attempts those calls. He also needs to document calls attempted and calls BM has missed to show a pattern. If GS lashes out at BM during calls, your DS can't prevent that and GS deserves to say how he feels, even if BM doesn't like it. If BM claims it as alienation, that might be a problem, but BM would have to prove that DS is making GS say or feel these things and manipulating him.
Has GS been in therapy? He has been through quite a bit in his short little life. He may be refusing BM due to the abandonment he feels related to BM's poor choices. GS would probably benefit from age-appropriate therapy, which would also look favorably to the court.
I agree that her son should
I agree that her son should try to encourage his son to comply. When the boy says "he doesn't know her".. he can tell him that "well.. maybe if you have these calls.. you can get to know her?" He could also help with some counseling.. so perhaps THAT would be a way to encourage the contact?
Thank you, that's a great
Thank you, that's a great suggestion. I don't think it is in GS's best interest in the long run to sever his relationship with his BM. Even if she never changes, I know the damage that abandonment can do. My adopted son went through a very tough time in his teen years because of this.
I agree, OP, have your DS put
I agree, OP, have your DS put the phone on speaker to start and record the calls so it can be heard that he's encouraging GS to speak to his mom (if you are in a one-party recording state). Treat it like he would if GS said school was annoying and refused to go. It's not a choice and he can use rewards and consequences to get him to comply. Otherwise he's giving the kid too much power and that IS alienating, even if unintentional.
GS needs to talk to someone
He must have a issue with his BM abandoning him. Anyone would. How do you think he feels when he has to talk to a person who really doesn't care about him. That drugs are more important then him Gs must be at the phone st appointed time . But you or his BM should not insist on talking to her. So sad
Thank you all
Thanks for the suggestions, I will pass them on to Step Mom and Dad. They really don't want him alienated from his BM, but she does make it a challenge. Appreciate the good advice.