DH has been married twice. 1st marriage to BM for 10 yrs, 2 SS. 2nd marriage fr 6 yrs, no kids together. She had a daughter and didnt want more kids and convinced DH to have a vascetomy. Then I came along and was very clear that I want kids and would never have dated DH much less married him if I knew he wouldnt get the vasectomy reversed. 3 yrs later his boys are 16 and graduate next year. I am 38 and my biological clock is alarming. Now he not only is doing a crappy job at parenting (no discipline, no follow through, kids run the house) but he is robbing me of being a mom. I get his kids arent turning out that great and he us not thrilled to be a dad again, but damn it I am not BM and I actually want to parent. I am beginning to hate DH and SSs for denying me my dream of having a baby. He says we cant afford more kids or a V reversal but he will drop money on anything his kids ask for. He spent $1000 this summer on baseball stuff the boys HAD to have that they never used, meanwhile I cant afford surgery and we cant have kids of our own. I feel tricked into marrying him. I feel like DH is the worst kind of jerk and doesnt love me at all to not only take my dream away but force me to watch his kids grow up with such bad parenting and not let me be involved at all except of course to cheer them on or help him. I feel like he married me because I loved him and his kids, not because he loved me. If I try to think about what he does for me that no one else could or would do, I cant think of anything. Not one thing. He is completely replacable. There are a million guys out there in this huge world that are my age, want kids, dont have kids already, might find me attractive, want a woman who supports their dreams and would support mine too, who want to make my dreams come true, who have no skid or BM drama, who are nice guys. DH has nothing to offer with 3 exes, 2skids, a vasectomy, a stack of bills, no support, no faith, just a taker. So what the hell am I doing being miserable with DH and sacrificing so much? Because DH and skids have killed my self-esteem. I can do so much better and maybe find real two-sided love.