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do i share this with OH or not?

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Sat, 06/08/2013 - 3:16am

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Just put some clean washing on sd(stb)13's bed. Noticed her birthday card on the bed.

She has blacked out my name and added a word.....

So now it reads "lots of love, dad and mum"

Would you show him? So far he doesn't believe me when i say what's happening.

jumanji's picture

Submitted by jumanji on Sat, 06/08/2013 - 8:09am

>That's what I was going to say: that's sad. She's hoping for them to be together, which, usually means BM wishes they were still together. Kids tend to be able to move on and let it go unless one of their parents is stuck.

This is not universally true.

I was talking to my daughter (19) the other day, as her new young man has a child. He wants her to me the kid. And she has refused. One of the reasons she cited was because she remember being young and us splitting up, and while she KNEW we weren't getting back together and neither of us wanted to? She still wished her family was the way it used to be. And every one of her Dad's "friends" were a barrier to that.

Actually, many kids of split families wish their parents were together, even when both parents have moved on.

realitycheckmom's picture

Submitted by realitycheckmom on Sat, 06/08/2013 - 8:26am

I never met my biofather and I still wanted my mom to divorce my stepfather and go back to my biofather. Sometimes a kid just wants their parents to be together like everyone elses.

jumanji's picture

Submitted by jumanji on Sat, 06/08/2013 - 8:32am

Didn't take it as snark.

But you are wrong in assuming it is USUALLY the Mom's fault. Which really is what you said.

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Sat, 06/08/2013 - 8:02am

She dos lash out at me, she doesn't contain it, but never in front of daddy.

That's the problem, he doesn 't believe me when i tell him stuff - not his little princess.

I've been saying for the last 6 months that she is having adjustment issues, and her behaviour is getting worse, that she wants me gone etc. He has never believed me. Thinks she has accepted me and i misunderstand her.

This is concrete proof of her trying to erase me.

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Sat, 06/08/2013 - 9:28am

It's him AND BM. She always thought he would come back to her eventually. But instead he moved on with me and she has blamed me ever since, and is keeping the dream alive in sd.

I showed it to him. I needed atual proof that she has issues with me, she's very sly and great at causing fights while acting the sweet little miss. If i tell him stuff she says or does he doubts me.

So, i showed him, and he can see - there i am all erased and bm back in the pic. Hard to ignore the message there. Now he has acknowleged that perhaps she is not ok with things after all, and that he needs to believe me, support me and work harder at getting her to understand that i am not going anywhere and she needs to learn to deal with and accept it for all our sakes.

Not a lot we can do about bm.