Driving me crazy!!!!
With all the craziness of school starting... all the forms, all the school supplies, emailing teachers confirming you read their
policies. Got a cheerleader, BD14, in high school which they seem to keep busy every second of the day. Two started college, SD 18 and SS19, a community college for now but that means they are still living with us! My oldest 15 just got her first job.
With all of that is a good kind of crazy but here is my problem.
BD15 has her own computer, she got this as a combined christmas and bday present 2 years ago. She has maintained it mostly on her own. SS19 had a computer for his bday 3 years ago, the first time he left to go to college in another city he took it with him and it never came back with him. (more than likely was pawned) SD 18 was offered a old pc if she choose to hook it all up and we would give her the software to clean out the system.
SD18 choose to not do it, so BD14 was told the same thing 3 weeks after SD18 was given the option.
So now while BD15 is at school SS19 and SD18 can somehow get on and create a guest account. BD15 only asks that they ask her to be on it ... and of course not download anything. She has had some hard times cleaning out the viruses.
Of course they don't ask, get on, and download stuff.
So I tell DH to tell them to ask first and then understand not to download anything.... blah blah blah in one ear out the other. So I tell BD15 just take the cord and hide it.
SS19 finds another cord and again gets on it.
SD18 takes it out on BD15's wall and mess up her decorations.
(we let them be creative with their rooms so BD15 had
chalk peace signs) Those were all smeared.
This is so frustrating, and DH doesn't help at all,
I really just want to get a lock for her door.
Then of course I will be the evil stepmom...
How disrespectful
what a bunch of twits. I can lock my laptop with a password, can she do that? I would confront SD and SS and tell them to back off or you will be evil. I dont think there is anything wrong with protecting your BD from these obviously less than responsible adults! Good luck!
password protect, end of
password protect, end of discussion. set up an admin account on the computer and lock out or delete the accounts they created, and set creation priviledges only for the admin account which you or SD controls. And if the room disrepect keeps up, get her a lock for her door, that's ridiculous!
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
No, no, no...
These sneaky, passive-aggresive SKs are adults...which means it is now a PRIVLEDGE to live with you, something DH needs to be told. Maybe a lock on your daughter's room???
Update... :)
BD15 does have a password on her pc and every time she sees
a guest account set up she will delete the guest account.
SS19 somehow knows how to get in there because she is changing her passwords each time.
Well get this... this am I tell her give me the PC, I will put it in my closet. So she does, I get a call from SS19 about an hour ago saying he DOES have his pc, he has left it at his friend house this whole time! So he wanted to know what our network was so he can set his pc up. You would think he would have done this a long time ago instead of hacking into hers!
K... so that's one issue that may be gone...
Still may get a lock for BD's room though we keep finding her clothes in SD18's room.
... I hear you on them being adults... I am so waiting for their first report cards to come from College. DH has told them if they are not passing then they are out the door. ( I hope he sticks to this)
Last time SS19 suppossedly was going to college... he wasn't he was out joyriding in his DH's car and DH finally caught on.
I would love for them to just quit the lies... Is that too much to ask??
Sandi ♥
No Locks Needed
How About some boundaries:
Plain, simple, clear.
New House Rule:
"No entering other people's bedrooms unless they are home and give you explicit permission to do so"
Consequence for failing to do so:
(Insert here)
You and DH have to get on the same page on this one! Are all the kids allowed to enter each other's bedrooms and do whatever they want in them???? This doesn't seem right.
These are not small children- they are, and I use this term loosely, adults. They should not be able to intrude on your daughter's personal space and do what they want in her room while she's not home. That does not seem right or respectful to me.
If DH doesn't agree to reason first, then put the lock on the door. Screw them and proctect your daughter!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
house rule...
5 teens.. ( or I hear 4 teens now right??)
We haven't had a family meeting in a while and they have all been told do not take anyone's stuff without permission first.
It works for a while but then it stops.
With DH he just gets lazy after a while, he does enforce it, then
gets tired of it.
We discussed another family meeting in the near future... but DH is focusing on the trial ( BM trying to continue alimony when shes cleary cohabitting.. whole other issue)
So... maybe this weekend we can all sit again and bring up like you said just not entering anyone's room without permission.
Sandi ♥
I hear ya on that one!
DH was big into the whole "family meetings" and going over the "new plans". Finally I stopped going. Why?
Because all those things are terrific IF you plan on FOLLOWING THROUGH. If not, it's a total waste of time. And my DH is just like yours- after a couple of weeks, it just stops.
He either forgets, or gets tired, or something else comes up, or a thousand other excuses. You have no idea how many times I've ripped the "wonderful new plans", "house rules", "chore lists", "Doggie plans" (don't ask), "Appreciation charts" etc off the refrigerator out of utter frustration because they were just pieces of paper which didn't mean ANYTHING!
Example:
House rule: No taking each other's clothes, personal property, etc
without expressed permission from that person.
Consequence: Child loses electronic equipment (cell phone, Ipod,
etc) of parent's choice for 24 hrs
Scenario: SD17 and SD16 are figting. SD16 has apparently taken SD17's shirt and is wearing it without her permission. It IS SD17's shirt. I've seen it on her MANY times. I know it hers. Everyone knows it's SD17's. However, DH decides that because SD17 did not put her inital on it, her can't be SURE whose shirt it is, so SD16 does not get a consequence.
Of course not, because SD16 NEVER gets a consequence. God forbid!
So why are there rules????? I ripped the rules down after that one!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Have your bd make her
Have your bd make her password difficult. . a random word.. and I mean random, and then have her put numbers on either side of it. This will make it way harder to hack.
I would be so livid w/them trashing her room. That is UNacceptable
thought it was just me!
Ha! I guess it's just men in general?
My DH drives me crazy when he does this too!
" Family meeting ... let's enforce the rules... yadda yadda..."
Two weeks later, I can't babysit them every minute of the day....
As far as the clothes go he says oh this is normal... my sisters used to fist fight over clothes.
I told DH you may think it's normal but when SD18 takes BD15's clothes we don't ever see them again. I refuse to allow that.
So DH will bring it up again.
I haven't yet told DH about the room yet, BD15 called me at work this am about that. I will see how stressed DH is about case tonight before knowing if I will bring it up.
Sandi ♥
all a lie??
After going home last night, I asked SS19 if he got his pc set up he said no. Something was wrong with the network key.
So when he goes to his class I look in his room, there is no pc???
I ask DH about it.
me: SS19 called me today at work and asked about the network key
he said his pc was at a friends house the whole time.
Why do you think he wouldn't have picked it up sooner?
DH: SS19 told me it was in the garage and the one BD15 has is actually his.
me: Your kidding right?
DH: nope SS19 says when he first moved out he took his pc then brought it back and put it in the garage when we werent home and he knows that one is his, that BD15 switched them.
SS19 and SD18 also say BD15 went and threw all their clothes on the ground. (all of SS19's clothes are always on the ground)
ME: again, your kidding? When would she have gotten a chance to do this? They are home all day, they go to class while she is at school and are back before she gets back.
Needless to say the argument never got anywhere.
Just another lie from SS19 about the pc.
So basically from DH is that they are all
starting crap about each other...
so next step is a lock. I will tell BD15 and BD14
do not step foot in their rooms.
thanks for ya'lls suggestions!!
Sandi ♥
About locks
I've gone through all this crap with adult skids preying on younger ones. If you get locks, don't get the doorknob kind. They are easy to break into, and that's exactly what the older ones will do.
Instead, get a padlock that sits on the outside of the door. Yes, it's ugly as hell, but those kind work. Be sure the get the bracket that screws on the inside of the door, so the skids don't just unscrew the bracket and bypass the padlock entirely.
It'll be short-term. When the skids flunk college and are kicked out, it's very easy to get rid of the locks and repaint like they were never there.
Thanks Sarah
How about a deadbolt? We actually have one on ours and
they haven't been able to break into it.
I will just make sure to keep a copy of the key on me.
Of course ... I will have to do it for all the rooms or then Im playing favorites.. right???
I came home today and just broke down. My SD18 was home
and everyone else was gone. BD15 comes home a little later
and she tells me two of her new school shirts are gone and a new pair of shoes.So I call SD18 ask her if she has them. Of course out right lied and said no. SD18 is about to leave to go to San Antonio for the week so I walk into my room my DH is there and I just start bawling.
I told him I cant take this anymore. SD18 is always taking her clothes
(we had problems the last two years over this... and she never brings them back)
So DH goes after her, but SD18 had already left.
So DH finally did sit and talk with me, on it. #1 those were new and BD hasnt even worn them. #2 I know we won't see them again.
DH said for me to watch for new pics on myspace and if she has them on. (Which she does all the time ... doesn't really care if she is caught with BD's clothes) ... if I can find pics of her in them
when she comes back he will have SD pay for the shirts and if she doesnt then she is out.
I am so fed up with this! Ive had my glass of wine and am a little
more chilled out now.
Thanks for letting me vent!
Sandi ♥
Deadbolts work too
So sorry you have to go through this. Just lies, lies, and more lies that the older ones expect to get away with. It's so damn frustrating.
They actually expect you to question reality and believe their lies. They have no respect for anyone else in the house, and no respect for themselves.
I know this all too well. My adult SDs were small, and they constantly stole clothes from BD10 because she was as tall as they were. BD10 would have to pick through the disgusting piles of dirty clothes on their bedroom floors just to find her clothes. It was a neverending war zone, and BD10 felt like her room and her personal space was constantly being violated and there was nothing she could do.
I wish there was an easy answer here. The only thing that stopped the behavior was when we kicked out the SDs. Those bitches were never going to change their ways. They never learned to respect others as children, and they certainly weren't going to learn it as adults.