ELECTRICITY SHUT OFF IN BM'S APT. CAN WE CALL CPS/DYFS???
Last night DH picks up SS6 and he is acting strangely. He is CLINGING to his mother who normally he runs from as fast as he can when he sees DH. I wait in the car because I can't stand to look at her. They get into the car after BM gives DH some crap... moving on... we come home, the skid is hungry, surprise surprise. We feed him, get him ready for bed, read a couple stories, everything is normal. Then, out of nowhere he LOSES IT. He wants to call Mommy because she is alone, his frog is alone. He misses her. That is all well and good but this has NEVER happened and something is up... DH makes the mistake of calling her and the kid has a nervous breakdown telling her he wants to come home and he misses her. VERY STRANGE. NOTHING precipitated this on our end so we were totally at a loss. After 15-minutes of painful sobbing DH ends the call, he is practically crying because we can't figure out what is going on. Then today, after breakfast SS6 tells us his electricity is out and he is worried that his mom was alone in the dark. He says it's been out all week. FLASHBACK to Wednesday night when DH was on the phone with ss6 and the boy said he was in the dark using candles and the power was out. We thought some kind of power outage in his town. BM calls all day over and over (we don't answer) because she wants to check on him.... the poor kid all day kept talking about then crying about his mommy in the dark. We told him we would take care of it and he finally relaxed.
QUESTION: is the a case for child protective services? This is not the first time we have heard that the "power was out" at his place, we just thought he meant the building. Now we understand this is his life with his mom. Can we get a record of the bills from her apartment and when the power was turned off and for how long??
THANKS!!
I normally hate BM's but I
I normally hate BM's but I actually feel kinda bad for her. That must really be hard for her and what a sweet little kid for being concerned about his Mommy.
I'm not defending her, I just feel for her situation....unless she is wasting her money on drugs and booze.
Anybody can call about a kid
Anybody can call about a kid in danger but as long as the kid isn't being harmed I don't see it. People still live in places with no electricity and nobody raids their home. Deal with the kid as you have been doing but add some talk about how it isn't so bad living without electricity. Although the candles worry me they're probably the cheap short stubby ones that won't tip over so easy.
Now about food. You said being hungry is normal. Is he getting enough to eat? Is he pudgy indicating a poor diet of nothing but SpagettyO's from a can? Send over some kiddy chewable vitamin and mineral supplements, fresh fruits and canned vegetables. Watch the sugar content in canned fruits. "High frutose corn syrup" is another name for sugar.
Is Daddy paying child support? Maybe he should turn on the electricity over there, pay the bill every month by visiting the electric company or on-line if mommy will allow it (he'll need the account number and deduct it from child support. And where is that support going anyway?
Is it drugs or booze? That IS a good reason to call. But beware of what you wish for you may end up with the kid full time.
Early on I would agree that
Early on I would agree that calling CPS would not be necessary, but I know for a fact that she is abusing him and he has behavioral problems because of it. Now she wants to put him on meds. We can't prove the abuse so we have been just dealing with the pain of watching him in paid. IT STINKS. When I said in relation to his being hungry as "normal" I mean when we pick him up Fridays he is supposed to be fed, but he usually isn't. He is a bit thin for his age. We are health food fanatics. We made him a whole free range roast chicken once with all the fix ins and he went on and on with a full blown meltdown screaming chicken only comes in nuggets. She has no idea how to cook anything that isn't frozen. Child support: ALWAYS ON TIME!!! His lawyer fell out of her chair when she saw what he pays. She said he pays more than her husband, who has some high fallutin job. She couldn't believe it. She always has money issues. She inherited almost two hundred thousand dollars when her parents died and spent it all in less than a year shopping!!!!
You can and should call DFS.
You can and should call DFS. You cannot get a copy of the electricity bill but they can and they can use that to testify against her in a custody case.
This is what frustrates me as
This is what frustrates me as a social worker, bc I understand both sides. It has to be HORRIBLE and clear danger for the kids to be removed. Some states are much more lenient, too. The problem is there are SO MANY cases in the system and not enough people to handle them. The workers are overworked and overwhelmed. I have my Masters in Social Work, and I just lost my job. My experience and passion is kids, but I will not work for our state's child services. It is too emotional for me. One of my classmates has been doing it for years, and she is burned out. She has had pots and pans thrown at her, she has been verbally assaulted. She LOVES helping kids, but she has so many on her caseload. It is so sad.
The dirt and lack of water in your SD's home is so sad. Did they get any help from social services or anything for the water? I am surprised they were not ordered to clean. It really depends on the state.
Is it just electricity? Is
Is it just electricity? Is there water? It will be cold soon-heat? I think a DYFS call (I am also in NJ) may be warranted. You will get a screener when you call, who will assess and send someone out if they deem it unsafe. I have had to make DYFS calls for my previous job (it is not easy) but they will determine if it is a case that needs to be investigated. They ask specific questions.
If she is truly having problems paying her bills, then DYFS can refer her to social services. The 200K is gone, which is so sad, but not surprising. Our BM gambled her and DH's house away.
The food issue-I know it stinks. We have a similar situation in our family, with the BM and the father (my cousin) feeding the kids crap. There is not much you can do UNLESS you go to a doctor and the child is truly malnourished. The doctor can document serious medical issues, but sadly, crappy food is NOT considered neglect unless medical issues arise. I feel for you-I am watching 3 little kids in a bad situation due to awful parents who should know better (they are both professionals, but their kids are not priority).
You're right. They do give
You're right. They do give you time to clean it up. They will also help them get food if there's none.
I can tell you from first
I can tell you from first hand experiences that NJ DYFS does NOTHING. I grew up in a house with no gas, electric, filthy as a hoarders, no windows no seasonal clothing for winter, no food (except boxes of free federal dry powdered milk) and abuse. DYFS felt sorry that my mom had 6 kids, no job etc etc etc. There was founded and convicted sexual abuse by her "friend", drugs etc etc. They did NOTHING. None of us out of the 6 graduated from high school (2 of us went on to get GEDS, and I am the only one with higher education), my brother had at baby at 14, me at 17 and well, all of us in our teen years except the brother that went to lived with my dad . One of my brothers grew up in jail. My little brother is in jail now (he has 5 kids, became a drug addict and ran someone over and killed them with a stolen car), both sisters on welfare and struggling.
I am not sure what it takes for DYFS to take a child away, but I know in NJ none of the things I mentioned were enough, so I highly doubt electric off for this amount of time will. I do think you should take her back to court for a custody battle and keep getting everything documented. Hell, you might even want to pay it this time so that you have documentation that you all had to pay for it and take care of the child...at least you'll have a receipt and proof. Wish I had better news to share with you.
Honestly, I've been the BM
Honestly, I've been the BM with the lights turned off. Nothing could have kept me from helping my kid or feeding my kid or loving my kid. But sometimes, as a single Mom, with limited funds, despite child support - it's still so hard. I had to choose between food and the light bill and food won.
I'm sorry but strictly from a financial perspective I know it can be beyond tough and so demoralizing. I don't think calling Child Protective Services is the way to go.
Kinda like kicking someone when they are down, ya know? But in addition to that - poverty doesn't mean the boy is being abused. I couldn't have loved my son more and he is 29 now and happy as a clam and we are tight.
I wouldn't mess with that - the boy might see you as trying to hurt his Mom. He won't forget it.
Just my .2ยข
Yep, you can call CPS. And
Yep, you can call CPS. And you should IMHO. We never had to deal with this specific issue when SS was on SpermLand visitation but we did have to deal with DickHead making my SS sleep on the floor while his latest breeder GF and her non joint spawn moved in and the bedrooms were used by the non related GF spawn.
So, we called CPS and had our attorney send a scathing bitchout letter on his letter head. Miraculously a bed was found immediately when CPS showed up. }:) :jawdrop:
I do not tolerate any of this kind of crap from the blended family opposition. If they can't adequately care for the Skid(s) they should have no contact with the Skids ... PERIOD! This whole family law mantra that it is in the best interest of the kid to have a relationship with both sides of their family is total horse shit particularly when one, the other or both sides of a kids family are such worthless POS's as to not be able to care for the basics of food, shelter, water, heat and safe transportation.
Now, I completely undertand that sometimes unfortunate things happen that can impact a person's ability to support their kids/family. However, when an idiot buys flat screen TVs, low rider parts, etc.... instead of paying the electric bill ..... no more ocntact with the kid ..... EVER.
IMHO of course.
She is a very sick, hostile
She is a very sick, hostile woman. Please read my post following my original. There are a lot more things to consider. Normally, yes, this would be the way I would handle it... but we have tried this approach to no avail. In fact she gets crazier if we suggest helping her in any way.
My skids BM has had the
My skids BM has had the electricity cut off for non-payment 4 times within less than a year. I called CPS and all they said about it is the information I provided wasn't enough to warrant an investigation. IMHO, a child living in a home without electricity seems like it would be a cause for concern. However, there are other cases much more severe that take precedence and I can understand that. I just wish some of these BM would put the kids before themselves.
If DH can afford it, he could
If DH can afford it, he could go to a payment center and pay to get it turned back on. He couldn't deduct it from child support, but it would be a nice gift to his son. Don't tell BM, but save the receipt in case you end up back in court.