feeling like I got slapped in the face-sensitive step mom
Boyfriend and I gave his kids (teens) early Christmas gifts this year since they will be away spending the 2 week break with their Mom. We wanted to see them enjoy their gifts before they leave. It is hard for my boyfriend not to have them for Christmas but the kids live with him full time so he knows he is lucky he gets them mostly all year.
Anyway...I put quite a bit of thought and effort into an electronic gift for the 2 teen boys. They seemed to like the gift we got them...immediately figured out how to set it up and get it going. But within 15 minutes of receiving the gift from us...they suddenly got all excited and wanted to video chat their mom and in my mind seemed more excited to show her what they got compared to how they acted when we gave them the gift!! For some reason it just made me feel like crap, WE got them the gift but they couldn't wait to share their excitment with their mom who had nothing to do with it? I know I am sensitive and can take things personally about being treated "less than" as I am in a step mom role although not married yet to their dad. Can any bio Mom's give me insight to this? Or is it really a slap in the face to us (that the kids take us for granted)? By the way...boyfriend is not a Disney dad, he always enforces responsibilities, rules and boundries and they do not get showered with gifts. It just felt really crappy that they weren't just enjoying what WE got them with us and they were so damn quick to show their Mom.
Thanks for the reality check
Thanks for the reality check tommar! I feel better now
That was the other concern I
That was the other concern I have...concerned it would upset their mom and cause issues where there weren't any before. Oh well, fingers crossed all will be OK
LOL!! A bit pricey so it was
LOL!! A bit pricey so it was a "shared/combined gift":
http://www.sphero.com/#!/starwars
Tommar, get drones.
Tommar, get drones.
Check Amazon. They have a ton
Check Amazon. They have a ton with cameras for under $100. Usually there are some on sale.
I've been with their dad over
I've been with their dad over 3 years now. So far my relationship with them has been fine. Yes, it does drive me crazy and I was wondering if I just have to get used to it. I guess I was hoping after all this time I've been with them, we could have just enjoyed the moment ourselves. I have to "share" so much with their mom anyway, thought it would be nice to have something for just us.
Consider it a complement that
Consider it a complement that they were so excited and happy with the gift that they wanted to show their mom.
BM is probably annoyed at how
BM is probably annoyed at how much they like the gift that YOU gave them
The kids love the gift, this is a good thing. Score one for you!
It's quite possible BM was
It's quite possible BM was excited right along with the boys about their (very) early Xmas gift. Especially if you haven't had problems.
My kids always called to tell what they got and did. It was never something that caused bad feelings.
It's a compliment, actually.
It's a compliment, actually. It shows they really did love the gift. If anything, it probably stressed out the BM. She's thinking, "how am I gonna 'compete' with that?!" So the gift that's supposed to be joyful is stressing out two women.
But it is making two boys very happy. You have the choice to let it make you happy, too. So does bm for that matter. Just tell yourself that their enthusiasm is genuine, you chose well, and their call to their mom is proof. It's simply the truth.
As stepmothers we get trampled on so much we can get hypervigilant which is only human. This is a case where you can turn it around.
BTW, well done! Gift giving can be so fraught, looks like you got it just right!
thank you. Yes
thank you. Yes "hypervigilant" describes my feelings well unfortunately-LOL
this is a hard call. its
this is a hard call. its only natural for children to share with their parents. it was their enthusiasm.
I understand you feel hurt, and this is ok. i agree with chiefgrownup that you may be very sensitive being a sm. this is normal. at that young age the bm is still an important part of their lives.
Glad to hear-thank you! My
Glad to hear-thank you! My sensitivity can get the best of me. I thought their reaction meant they didn't care really that I was one of the people that gave it to them. I feel good understanding this meant they were happy about the gift. I know teens can be hard to please-LOL
be glad they enjoyed it and
be glad they enjoyed it and shared it.
the boys here just want $$$. Christmas is not a time for gifts, it's nothing but a spending budget.
BLAH.