Hard Realization
To make a long story short...my SO has just fallen on some tough times regarding his job & $$$...hopefully this won't be a permanent thing and he is working night and day on it...in conversation with him it came up that he hasn't spoken to his daughters in about 1.5 months...he has texted called etc and they are usually busy unavilable etc keep in mind they are 18 & 20 so this is possible...but he said that he doesn't press the issue right now cause he is ashamed that he is not up to par on his financial level...although he has currently been able to meet his alimony and child support (in NJ it is till they are graduated from college which is his situation)...I have come to realize that he doesn't feel man enough and has nothing to offer them...which to me means that he equates $ with love when it comes to his daughters....I find that so sickening! My question is have any of you out there come across this with your SO's or yourself felt that way?
I don't feel that way, but
I don't feel that way, but when it came time for Christmas and we had no money (legal fees for divorce and bankruptcy thank you so much ex wife, among other stuff), everyone acted like we were going to rip the kids' fingernails out one by one instead of just letting them know this year money is tight and presents are practically non existent. The in laws were great but I did hear a lot of how they always saved to make sure the kids had Christmases. Well, that is something that is nice, but that is also something that put a lot of them in financial hot water. Love doesn't equal money or vice versa. I think it is a good idea that kids figure out sooner rather than later that actions have consequences, and if you overspend for years like drunken sailors or don't pay attention to what is happening to your money, there is a consequence. Santa doesn't show.
Mine too... he has horrible
Mine too... he has horrible people skills and never really knew how to deal with me and my sister... so he shoves things and money at us. Any conversation with us lasting longer than 30 minutes he starts sweating, and gets my mom to come in so he can slip away. Never a child's man. His "advice" and "teachings" usually results in him trying to force his conclusions on us and we all get upset because he believes he is right all the time. When we were younger it would make us cry and then he REALLY didn't know how to deal with us.
Lol, reminds me of the time when he grew some tomatoes, we were ten and eleven and he comes in all proud wanting us to take a bite, I ate it, my sister refused, degenerated into a giant argument and crying and my dad blew up and told my mom he is NEVER giving us tomatoes ever again--which he forgot two days later and repeated the debacle only this time we both ate the tomatoes without complaint. Bless my mother for being able to deal with my dad. He loves us, just doesn't know how to show it. My mother calls him an extraterrestrial because he is just strange.
So because he can't show us "love" like my mom can, he chooses to use money. He sees my mom cook for us in an expression of "love" so he equates his money to cooking.
My grandpa, every time he sees me, asks if I have enough money to use. I always tell him yes, I'm a big girl, earning my own, but he always tells me if I need any to go to him.
Men, I guess, from a young age, think of themselves as providers, like some have said before me,
Thanks for all your
Thanks for all your comments...I have a father who was always there and listened and gave equally without limitations all he asks for is kindness respect and love...nothing was ever given with strings attached to it....and when he did not have to give - we as daughters still couldn't wait to see his face - hear his voice and just be in his company.