Help!!!
My DH has a daughter who is 15 and acts as if she's 2. He gets her every other weekend and she shows up with dirty hair and clothes are two sizes too small and then he expects me to go out in public with them. I refuse. I'm so afraid someone will think she's mine and I just can't do it. When she's here she sits on the couch and watches cartoons and eats...all day and night long, she's obese, he's a health nut. I'm shaking, he's on his way here with her and I know my blood pressure goes sky high because I actually get sick on the days he has her. I've got to vent so bear with me and please don't judge. She refuses to use the bathroom attached to the guest room and will only use my master bath. It's like neither of them understand personal space. He has told her a few times to go get in my bed to watch TV which means I then have to change the sheets and all that because she will not bathe. If I say anything to him he thinks I"m being mean and it may come across as that but I'm saying it because there's no reason for a girl her age to be dirty. If she has her period she announces it to everyone who will listen and makes the biggest mess on the toilet and just leaves it. If I could afford to divorce him and live on my own I would because of his kid. Help me! I've tried to like her, I really have but I just can't even fake it anymore.
I've said things before (in a
I've said things before (in a nice way) and she ignores me and he screams after she leaves and when he starts it will go on for days and days. I've not refused to go anywhere with them and if she makes a mess he has to clean it, I told him I draw the line at cleaning up blood from his lazy ass kid. I hate to be a person that hates anyone but I'm still literally shaking at the thought of him pulling up with her fat ass in the car and then coming in the house. I can't afford to leave so I'm stuck right now and that's the only reason I'm here. I tried to connect with this kid by asking if she want to go have a spa day and things like that, she's not interested. You'd have to load the couch and TV up to get her to do anything. She has NO friends, her mom has NO friends, and she thinks it's odd that I have so many who visit. My friends love kids, hate her and hate to be around her so at least I know it's not just me. I hate my life. My dog can't be around her when she's here because she starts in yelling "leave me alone" and then will call her back over to pet her and in a few minutes starts yelling again. I just look at her and keep telling myself that one day someone is going to kick her ass, it's a dream I have. lol
I think some of us are
I think some of us are putting up with a lot due to financial issues. I was in the hospital in September and DH acted like he was going to be such a big help to me, and it turned out quite the opposite. I'm helping him and not getting ahead. Plus now I have all his drama to deal with. I'm beginning to think eating noodles every day would be better than living like I am now. But I get why some SMs bite their tongues when they want to scream. Usually because they never get anywhere with DH when they do mention anything, and DH acts like he has some justification in treating you even worse if you do voice an opinion. That girl is 15 and DISGUSTING. Why do all these skids with lenient dads have no concept of hygiene? She may be doing it because she is angry at the world and she can be gross and knows it is bothersome. I just can't understand these bio parents sometimes. But eventually you do have to stick up for yourself. My DH lashed out at me when I asked him not to let SS7 pee on my furniture in the living room. Hello? Weighing the pros and cons forever is only going to build resentment while the situation keeps getting worse.
I understand where you're
I understand where you're coming from. I had breast cancer and DH was unable to go with me to chemo several times because he had to pick up SD and didn't want to make baby mama mad by not being on time. That's why I'm here, so many medical bills. After my 6th surgery was the only time he offered to lift anything for me and it was only because he was wanting sex. He's one that gets mad if you refuse to have sex with him whenever he wants and it's like living in hell. I have never met baby mama, they never married, but from pictures I've seen she didn't appear to be a dirty person so I'm left to assume she just lets SD do whatever she wants or doesn't want. It's EOW of hell and I get so worked up that I get dizzy from the stress of knowing she'll be here. I'm missing jewelry and other items and have told him I don't want her in the master bath because that's where my things are and he threw a fit when I mentioned my missing items and how dare I say she'd steal (she was caught stealing from a teacher at school) but of course she'd never steal from me. I could ramble on and on but I'm sure you've heard it all. I hate dirty people, people who steal and lazy people and I'm starting to hate my DH (dumbass husband.) Oh, he has gone so far as to type in my email address and find forums I'm in so he can read what I've said and then throws it up in my face later on when he needs ammo. Seriously, how bored does a person have to be to do that?
oops computer lag so posted a
oops computer lag so posted a couple of times
oops
oops
It's his house and he had it
It's his house and he had it before we married. I have no family left or I'd be out of here.
Okay, when they get here if she's looking nasty I'm going to lay down the law and tell them both she can either take a shower or he can carry her ass back home because I don't want the odor in the house. This should make for a fun weekend. LOL. I do fight back, I can give it just as much as he can but ignoring him drives him crazy so I do that pretty often. I didn't buy groceries this week on purpose so there's nothing but fish in the freezer and there's nothing fattening downstairs, I have the cookies hid in my office. LOL. Guess I need to be as nasty with my words as she is with her hygiene.
Okay, they pulled up and he
Okay, they pulled up and he rushed around to open her car door because her obese ass will sit there all day unless you dangle a cupcake in front of the car, then she runs for it. lol. They came in, her hair was so oily, acne was horrible and her jeans were two sizes too small and she once again announced that she was having her period. I didn't miss a beat when I started on how that's not something anyone cares to know and if she makes a mess she's to clean it up, she needs to go upstairs and take a shower and stay out of the master bathroom, and told him if he didn't like the way I said it he should have been talking to her about sooner. She looked all confused like she had no idea why I'd say something about her dirty ass and he has now taken her somewhere, I'm guessing for some cupcakes and milkshakes to make her happy. If looks were lethal I'd be dead from the one he gave me. I feel better and am ready for the BS that will happen when he gets back. Odds are he'll take her home instead of coming back here. Let's hope.
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're hilarious!!
I really think she'll be a lesbian because she doesn't like boys and she's 15 and she literally walks like a man, a big man and holds her arms out like she has muscles.
Why don't you just get out of
Why don't you just get out of the house when she's there? Go grab a coffee and read a book, window shop or have lunch with friends? Disengage. Don't cook, converse or clean up after her. Tell her your bathroom is your private space and if she doesn't respect that and DH doesn't back you up buy a lock. DH lost bathroom privileges too. There is no way I'd be cleaning up messes left by a 15 year old. Ask her to do it and if she doesn't listen tell your DH its his responsibility.
I'd have a long talk with Dh and tell him that it is not your responsibility to take care of his daughter. You are willing to share your home but only if she follows the rules. If he disagrees or refuses to comply, I'd really think about if this is someone who truly loves me and deserves to be with me. He should be willing to enforce reasonable rules to make you happy.
I wouldn't take it out on SD though by calling her fat or dirty. As much as she pisses you off, she must be going through some difficult times if she disrespects herself that much. It is your DH's job as her parent to set her straight and help her out. If he isn't willing because just giving in to her is easier, then he isn't willing to be a good father.
I'd hate to be in your shoes. It sounds very stressful when SD comes over. Good luck.
He came back to the house and
He came back to the house and said he wanted me to go to dinner with them and I told him I'd not be seen with her in public for fear someone would think she's mine. He said he is going to talk to her about her weight and the other issues (once again) and see if he can get her to understand. I told him to take an extra diaper with him because he's treating her like an infant by not being direct and if she can't understand or is too lazy at her age, that's on her, not me and I won't have anything to do with her at all and she will always feel like an outsider and be treated as such each time she visits. I'm fed up.
I can't leave the dog here
I can't leave the dog here when she's here. She does things like opens the doors and lets the dog out and then says "oops."
I've talked with him until I'm blue in the face and nothing works. He's mad if I say something and thinks I'm mean and then will ask me why I didn't say something later one. He's mental also, no doubt.
When she's here she refuses to sleep in the guest room and will only sleep on the couch in the living room, not the one in the den or in my office. She plops down and that's where she stays, eating and watching cartoons.
I'd love to leave whenever she's here but there are not many places you can take a dog and then I'd have to load up my jewelry and anything else she'd be able to put in her bag. It's unreal. I'll get caught up on all the stuff I need to and them I can walk away from all this crap.
I asked if he actually
I asked if he actually discussed her weight and hygiene with her and he said he started to but she was cleaning her plate and telling him she eats a lot of fruit so he felt like she didn't want to hear it so he stopped. Unfreakingreal!!!!!!!!!!!! Has anyone figured out I type a lot when I'm stressed? LOL. Sorry.
I remember when our third
I remember when our third grade teacher had the class sit down and told everyone that now we are getting older, we need to start taking baths or showers on a regular basis!
We all looked at her amazed because she was a sweet teacher. But I will tell you what, I never forgot that she said that to us! AND some of the stinkiest kids in the class were more bearable after that!
I'm invisible. They came in,
I'm invisible. They came in, sat down on the couch, she was freaking out over not being able to find the remote control and he finally did and then they sat next to each other like a couple and watched cartoons. I asked him what he was doing and he said "what do you mean what am I doing?" He's a dumbass. About five minutes ago they got up and I heard the garage door opening and went down there. They were getting in the car so I asked where they were going and he said to eat and did I want to go. Seriously...........they were just going to leave. I told him I could stay here and ignore myself on my own terms. This is how it is. I'm nonexistent when she's around. So, he was suppose to talk to her about her weight and all that, the hair is so oily today that it's unreal, and he brings her fat ass in and lets her sit on the couch and watch TV. I'm so pissed. I've told his mother about how it is but that's like talking to a brick wall, she couldn't care less. I think the entire bunch are totally screwed up in the head. Bottom line, I can't afford it but I have to figure out a way to get away from these idiots for good.