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The two Bs: Boys & Bathrooms

TheRealHouseWife's picture

Submitted by TheRealHouseWife on Thu, 06/01/2023 - 6:03pm

We have a 3 bed 2 bath. My DD now has to completely share a bathroom with my SO and me because my SS is disgusting & dirty. He is now the sole user of our main bathroom, which he is not keeping clean. He is supposed to be cleaning it at least 2x a week, and still needs to be told to do so. It’s so embarrassing when I have company because he has his hair ALL OVER! I hate when I get surprise visits because I know my bathroom is dirty. Not only that, but he will be in there for up to an hour-hour and a half. He sits in there on his phone. He is very anti-social, has no real friends so he is on his phone 24/7-no exaggeration. My ex was not dirty at all and so now that I live with my SO and SS, it is like living with actual animals. Are boys really this dirty!??

Comments

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Thu, 06/01/2023 - 6:08pm

All this stuff you are posting... nope. Seriously, perhaps your husband should move out with his son until he launches. 

TheRealHouseWife's picture

Submitted by TheRealHouseWife on Thu, 06/01/2023 - 6:13pm

I was with my ex for 10 yrs and he was never dirty or lazy! 

When I met my SO, his living situation was horrid! The house was atrocious, multiple roommates, and he and his son were confined to their rooms which were also not very clean. I just assumed boys were a bit lazy and dirty.. smh

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Fri, 06/02/2023 - 2:17am

No, not all men and boys are lazy and dirty. Please don't excuse your SO's bad behavior because he is a man - that is no excuse.

And when your SS is in the bathroom for an hour and a half, his phone is not the only thing he is holding. Your SO should really tell him to take that behavor to his bedroom.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Fri, 06/02/2023 - 2:38am

"my SS is disgusting & dirty"

And so is your SO because he's doing nothing to change that. He should be ashamed of his son and of his own lack of parenting. How about telling your SO that if he can't get his filthy child to clean up after himself that it's his job to do it?

There is no way I could live in filth like that - untidiness I can deal with, filth I cannot. So, if you moved in with them, I'd move out again and have the pleasure of a nice, clean home again. If they moved in with you, tell them to find a new home. 

 

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Fri, 06/02/2023 - 5:59am

I have boys. BS17, SS23 (Autistic-lives with us full time) and SS18 used to visit.

Yes boys are gross. HOWEVER- they also can be taught to clean up after themselves.

Do I still remind mine that they have to clean the bathrooms weekly? Every. Damn. Week. 

Do they get off their ass and do it? Every. Single. Time. Because they don't want crazy mom to show up. She's mean. 

DD17 has to clean the sink area because she has all the makeup and crap everywhere in their bathroom and she does the shower because she has hair and all the soaps and washes, etc. BS17 is in charge of the toilet and floors. SS23 does the 1/2 bath downstairs- He keeps his toiletries there and really only showers in the "kids bathroom". 

The problem you are having has less to do with the boy and more to do with your SO. If he is in the bathroom for more than 10 mins- He needs to pound on the door and tell him to get out. If he is showering, 20 mins. Then every Saturday, SO needs to stand over him and watch him clean the freaking bathroom. It's not rocket science. It's parenting. 

TheRealHouseWife's picture

Submitted by TheRealHouseWife on Fri, 06/02/2023 - 10:23am

I really try to understand why my SO is not on top of his son with anything. He only realy gets on him if I say something, when we are fighting or when he himself encounters it. But he isnt on him about anything, I dont get it..

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Fri, 06/02/2023 - 10:27am

I have 2 SDs and 1 DD, and also have only sisters,  so I don't have much experience with younger boys and bathrooms.  My father, however, did not make a mess in the bathroom and was as likely as my mom to clean a bathroom - they both did work around the house.  My DH is not much of a cleaner - I do the cleaning - but he at least doesn't make any disgusting messes.  Trash goes in the trashcan, clothing and towels go in the hamper, etc. 

How does your husband react when you tell HIM to clean his son's mess? Is his kid likely to launch at 18? You should not have to live in fear of a guest dropping by. 

 

TheRealHouseWife's picture

Submitted by TheRealHouseWife on Fri, 06/02/2023 - 10:54am

Him leaving or doing anything with himself within the next year is extremly unlikely. If something isnt done, like if his sons dishes are in the sink I will tell my SO to wash these dishes, he will make his son do it. Then he tells him to stop leaving his dishes in there but a few days later he will do it again, especially if there are already dishes in there, from my SO..

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Sat, 06/03/2023 - 8:32am

SS seams to be the problem because SO is not parents him.  I....Would NOT be playing this game.... Where SS screws up a bathroom and everybody else suffers for it.  Make  DH clean the bathroom or have SS clean it,,  No matter what it will get clean.  Ever time  SS uses the bathroom it will get checked.  Time stamp camera outside the door.  SS cleans up after himself.  If not no cell phone, no internet, no games. And  a shovel with the great outdoors for future functions 

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Sat, 06/03/2023 - 10:41am

Went through this with my SDs. I made it clear when we moved into this house that the girls would be responsible for cleaning their own bathroom. DH was in charge of that. LOL joke on me. It was in bad shape over and over again. I never used it. DH made OSD halp clean it once in three years and OSD twice. Or he did it sometimes. Still not good. So I hired a housecleaner to do it once a month and Dzh paid for it, ie I paid her and he paid me back. That's still the deal, the cleaner cleans it even though both SDs are not here or barely here because DH doesn't himself keep it clean (not to the disgusting stage like the SDs).

YSD had a peeing issue for a while (my blogs cover that episode) and dammed if I was going to let that slide. I was all over DH about it, livid. Not acceptable in ANY way. So I confronted DH several times, nothing changed, still p*SS all over the toilet. So the last time I told him either you deal with in NOW or I will because I'm not living like that and not letting YSD p*SS all over our house.

He finally confronted her and amazing, it stopped then and there.

If my DH hadn't either eventually done what was bare minimum needed to live with them, for me to live with them (and that includes him) I wouldn't do it. I am already the primary home caretaker which I am done with. I am lucky enough to be able to hire help when needed but still take the burden. We will be downsizing in the next couple years and I can't wait. Less to do. My DH, although a passive parent, and messy, with ADD, is a good person. If he wasn't I would be gone.