Hoping for some advice from a seasoned step parent
Hello everyone 
Im new to being a step mom and I was hoping to get some advice.
My soon to be husband's son (he's 7) really does love me and tells me all the time. He's happy to be here with us and my 2 year old boy so I can tell he really doesn't mean to have his horrific moments. Not too long ago today, I put my youngest down for a nap and then ss started screaming at the top of his lungs. He was screaming he had a headache and when I tried to hug him like I normally do he literally pushed me out of the way and continued to scream. I was horrified because not 5 minutes before he was happy and bouncing around the house like normal. He started screaming for his mom over and over and over and just wouldn't stop. He does this when he doesn't get his way as well. I didn't know how to comfort him because he didn't want me to. After an hour of screaming (and me trying to soothe my scared toddler) he finally laid down and let me give him some Tylenol. I rubbed his back and tucked him in on the couch where he is now sleeping.
His BM is constantly feeding him all sorts of things and he will come back from his week with her and tell me horrible things she's told him to tell me. I think that's where these outbursts come from.
I refuse to say anything negative because I don't want him to be confused or think I hate her. Honestly, it just hurts when he does this but I have no idea what to do about it.
My fiance and I are solid and he is the most amazing man I have ever met. When I tell him these things hurt my feelings, though, all he will say is "snap out of it. he does this to me all the time."
Should I just snap out of it? I have a very big but soft heart and things like this really do hurt. I guess I'm just not sure how to handle this. I love him very much, but when he gets like this and pushes me away because im not his mom, all I can do is stand back and let him work through it until he lets me back in.
Any advice is more than welcome. I just want to help him with out killing myself in the process.
Thank you for the advice and
Thank you for the advice and it really does feel better knowing that other step parents are handling the same thing.
I wish that I had a good relationship with the BM and tried but she can't stand that I'm fourteen years younger and constantly brings it up (with some other issues) and she wont allow this to happen. Im hoping for the best for my SS but a relationship with her just doesnt seem to be in the cards
Thank you dtzy, I will give
Thank you dtzy, I will give this a shot and see if these outbursts calm down over time.
It's really just hard when all I want to do is help but am constantly being attacked by the BM through a child. It isn't fair to him at all and I couldn't imagine putting my 2 year old through that. It's all just very sad.
Snap out of it, how
Snap out of it, how insensitive, Im sorry that he says that to you, another evil Bm what an evil cow, these outbursts, he needs to learn how to calm down, he needs a chill chair or something like that, he needs to be taught how to calm down, if this was just a fit of pique I would say ignore him, but I think its more than that, I think he is feeling conflicted, maybe Bm is trying to get him to hate you but he loves you, poor little guy, you have a big heart and that is amazing, this little buy is lucky too have you, I really don't think that he can help this behavior and he definately needs help.
Like the others, I would
Like the others, I would suggest not giving into attention seeking behavior. If he does that again tell him he is sick and needs to take a nap and see how long that lasts.
Kids can be very manipulative and learn to pit one parent against the other at an early age, especially in contentious situations like divorce or shared custody situations.
Temper tantrums at 7 yrs of
Temper tantrums at 7 yrs of age is NOT normal. Neither is that sort of attention seeking behavior. There is something biological going on that is probably very easily remedied. Here is a start: http://www.diannecraft.com/article-009.htm