How is the heck will SS Manage as an adult??? Less then five years
I look at SS13 and think in LESS than 5 years SS will be 18 how the F will he manage?? At 13 SS has NEVER(refuses even for money) done ANY kind of Chores. Needs to be Constantly entertained like a 4 year old. No Imagination can't self entertain unless it's video games. Has NO clue how to do laundry, dishes, yard work, clean/cook ANYTHING. If we go grocery shopping SS refuses to help carry any bags into the house. Has to have an adult sit with him and walk him through ALL his homework like a 5 year old. Refuses to use an alarm clock for school mornings and needs a nightlight. Is VERY fearful of trying new things in fear of getting hurt. Example Affaid to ride a bike without training wheels( yep you heard right) refused to go horseback riding.
Yes I'm fully aware some kids do not launch at 18 BUT good god I know 7 year olds that are more Self-sufficient/independent than SS13. This is TOTALLY a BM/DH self made problem. BM "believes" because SS has ADHD he needs Special accommodations and coddles him. Hmmm I'm sure other kids with ADHD can do these things. DH coddles SS because he wants to be the Disney dad and afraid SS will not come over if DH pushes him to much.
So forget launching but how is the KID going to fit into Society when mommy and daddy do everything for him??
He won't. He will live with
He won't. He will live with one of them well into his adulthood.
My BS14 has ADD. He still:
My BS14 has ADD. He still: Cleans his room, does his laundry, cleans the bathroom on his weeks (the 3 kids rotate). He can make several meals from scratch. He knows how to plan meal on a budget and shop for it. His chores haven't really changed since he was maybe 8.
I regularly give my kids $20/30 and have them plan a dinner, shop for it, check out themselves and make dinner one night that week. They have been doing that since 2nd grade!
Without expectations he will never launch.
Isn’t it convenient adhd or some other non existent medicalHe to
issue is always used as an excuse??
i’m sure there are the few who legitimately have a medical. Condition but conveniently a majority of skids here have medical issues and i often read its adhd or something else...
my ss at 15 played computer games and locked himself in his room day and night, refused to wash his dishes and refused to empty his trash. He told his dad that was my job. He got a monthly allowance from hubby (i assume $1000 just like his sister) when he started university a few yrs back.
He was supposedly starting an internship in may and hubby would cut him off (whether that truly happened?? I don’t know.
my ss is 22 and has no intention of moving out of our marital home at all. We bought a home in my birth country where i am finishing my studies, none of my skids will ever set foot here!! I’ve had enough of stepcrap!!
my 2 kids aged 3 & 4 have more manners and basic skills at doing household chores and having consideration for others compared to my skids
Kids with parents like this
Kids with parents like this don't launch. And if they do manage to leave for a college dorm or get roommates, it never lasts due to conflicts with well adjusted people who won't put up with their cr@p. So they boomerang, and the coddling resumes.
I have a brother like this who is SIXTY-FIVE.
I suspect this is more common
I suspect this is more common in recent generations, who are often mollycoddled in a completely inappropriate way that is incompatible with ever becoming independent. When I think back to things I was doing at a pretty young age, there is a world of difference - eg at age 8 or 9 I took the bus myself, to go the 2 miles into town to spend my pocket money. Not saying this is desirable but things have changed a LOT. It seems common practice these days to treat 13 yr olds like they were 5, and to have expectations of them as if they were a young child.
Totally agree
When I was SS13 age I was babysitting for money two young kids one being a newborn. SS13 can just barely stay alone for a few hours. Any more he complains he's bored. I could ride a bike without training wheels at 5. SS13 still can't do this. Entertained myself without video games. SS13 has NEVER been able to do this and needs content attention from daddy. Expected to help with chores including mowing the lawn. SS13 can't even help pull weeds or water plants. I will add I was a ONLY child.
I will go on to say I know kids SS13 age that CAN do the things I did when I was SS's age so don't think it's so much a change of times
When I was 12...
I was babysitting neighborhood kids for $$$, and taking care of my two younger brothers, doing laundry and dishes and mopping floors and vaccuming, making meals.
At 14 I was working every weekend for family business. Until 18, then I ventured out and got a job somewhere else.
SD14 doesnt make her own meals, and has trouble scrubbing bathubs, forget about vacuming. She can pick up poop though. And play violin. Her drawing skills are really good, though!
Your DH needs a boot up his a
Your DH needs a boot up his a$$ and a reality check that you won't be funding and raising his enabled coddled child until he dies.
Better get on top of all that
Better get on top of all that now. I met my SS when he was 14. Spoiled rotten especially by grandma and grandpa. Hes now 19. Dropped out of grade 10, has never had a job. No life skills whatsoever. His grandfather drives out of his way to wash laundry for him, not only wash but fold and put away his clothes. Ya i know its messed up. He sleeps all day stays up all night. Oh on top of that hes an alcoholic. They doomed him real good. And now im moving out because i refuse to live in the same house as an adult who is more than capable of doing his part. Good luck!
Good for you for getting away
Good for you for getting away from such a crazy set up!
Start seasoning him with
Start seasoning him with military recruiting brochures. At some point kids who fail to grow up need to be forced to grow up.
We came to this conclusion with my SS. He was not ready to focus and study in college and made no effort to work so we worked him hard. From just after his 18th birthday he was our live in beck and call boy/cnore bitch. He did everything. Cleaned, cooked, painted, scrubbed, washed, folded, etc, etc, etc... and wheh it was done he did it all again, over, and over, and over again.
We kept updating his recruitment reading material. After several months of chore bitching he enlisted in the USAF. Karma blessed us when the USAF put him in school and forced him down a very good career path.
He has completed 9 years of his USAF career and has decided to remain for 20... or more.
If they won't follow parenting advice and grow up, outsourcing to experts can often be a viable alternative.
IMHO of course.