I saw this change too! When my BF and I were just dating BM seemed pretty normal to me. I mean, if there was drama I never knew about it. The minute he put a ring on my finger she went crazy.

Hmmm, makes me wonder the BM has been awfully quiet lately-wonder what's up her sleeve?

OR, my bf has been quiet about it-which sometimes he choses to do because I tell him I don't want to hear about her and ruin my evenings

I'm sure it is about control!

BM and SD only became a problem when we moved in before the wedding. We dated for 3.5 years and everything was fine. Moved in and all hell broke loose. These BM's think they still control everything and when it is pointed out by a new woman in their life, these guys start to wake up to their games. Unfortunately it is too late and the dynamics of what could have been an amicable relationship are changed forever.

So it seems a common thing-it gets worse once you get more serious??

Just how my BM #2 is... She's all peaches and cream as long as everything is going her way, but God forbid she wants something and DH tells her no, then she is the wicked bitch of the east, makes our lives hell, DH won't hear from SS for weeks and then eventually she needs something again and she's back to peaches and cream. It's an exhausting, viscious cycle and I always feel like we are teetering on the edge, waiting for the next big blow-up... it's not a question of "if" it will happen but "when".

My DH created that monster though. He was a classic guilty dad when they split up when SS was less than a year old and caved to BM's every demand, paid for everything, and wiped her ass. So she just came to expect that from him. You have to stop feeding the monster, before there is ever any hope of it going away. But my DH has a hard time differentiating between "being a good father" and bowing down to BM's demands.

I call mine Snaggle-skank. (short for snaggletoothed, skank ass beeotch)

Control is the game, dont feel alone. My SS's BM is way over the top controlling, she became accustomed to having the ability to control her family out of their fear of her psychotic freak-outs. Their constant state of fear kept them both pretty passive and obedient. After I came into the picture and encouraged him to find his weenis and stand up for himself and his son things escalated while she tried to grasp for the control she once had. And it was a valiant effort, slandering us both around town, throwing fits of rage if we attempted to go out for a dinner in public, or if we went on vacation or spent a penny of our hard earned money she was trying to weasel into her pockets, spies, lies, manipulation, the works. When she realized that she was no longer going to be able to control her ex's life it quickly spread to using my SS as a weapon against his father as she still has a hypnotic fear spell over him. She will scream and yell awful things in his face until he does what she wants. Remove his phone (which we pay for) from him while he is in her care, send him home with a list of things he desperately needs purchased for him, the rudeness that comes out of his mouth after he has spent a bit of time with her is as if it is falling directly from her vindictive lips.

It is absolutely exhausting, but as time goes on its easier to see just how pathetic these futile attempts actually are. Usually, the person that is engaging in this type of controlling behaviour honestly believes that they are one-upping the others, that they are the smarter, wiser ones who are so crafty in getting what they want they must be geniuses. Really, to a well trained eye that can recognize it opportunities for manipulation/control see it a mile away come to expect it and see the sadness in these weak attempts. This helps transfer power away from these damaging people. The best advice I can give is to try to see situations for control in advance and keep it in your hands. Keep control maintained in your home where it counts. Hold out usually these controlling types need someone submissive to work their charm on, once there is someone else in the picture that can be controlled hopefully the letting go process will happen quickly and you and yours can go on with your normal lives. The skids need to see that there is balance and a correct way to treat people. That bullying, threatening, or causing a scene is NOT the way to get what you want.

I think it really truly is about control for most of them. Our BM has more money than she can see across and she is still harassing FDH for more child support, etc. Taking him to court. Carrying on about money problems. The money is just an excuse to try to control him in some way.

And that's something I don't understand. You would think these ladies would want to get away from their ex husbands and start over. Forget about the whole thing.

No such luck.