Legal Actions Necessary?
This may be long winded.
My SD has been having mood issues lately. She’d get emotional and just cry for no reason and she’d never explain anything to us. Over the last weekend we had her 2 weeks ago, she had a really bad episode of this at my parents house. She was deep sobbing into my DH shirt, something I never seen her do (she’s a pretty emotionally tough kid). We mentioned something coming in at her BM house but more in a way where we weren’t implying anything. She’d say she was fine. We concluded maybe it was getting close to when she would start her period. She did just turn 9 and I know a few girls I grew up with starting that early. Hormones make people, well, hormonal.
The last few times we’ve picked her up, it’s been her maternal grandparents dropping her off. I asked my DH if he thought SD was living with grandparents. DH said BM wouldn’t do that but SD did mention her mother’s GF buying a house in a different state, over 5 hours from where we live (they live 3 hours from us). She also mentioned her mother getting a new job in this state. Curious.
Last night was SD birthday. DH said he was going to call BM and I told him to text before calling just in case BM was working (she tends to work nights). Instead, he texted SD grandmother. She said SD was with her and we talked to her. She was just doing homework and just seemed disheartened sounded. She said she didn’t have any birthday plans and was excited to see us this weekend. After getting off the phone, we talked about how she sounded on the phone. She’s usually bubbly and just all around excitable child. After about an hour, her grandmother messages my husband with basically a list.
She said she got her Wednesday, Thursday, and Fridays and the weekends we didn’t have her. So her BM only cares for her 2 out of 7 days. Told my husband to screenshot that. I’m contemplating if we should consider legal actions. My DH is more than willing to take care of SD and will happily do so. His first comment after getting that text was “why can’t I look after her? I’m her father.” And then he mentioned school and how he didn’t want to take her out and all that.
I’m more concerned about my SD mental well-being. She told me in private one morning as we played video games with together she likes coming over because we spend time together. I really feel BM absence over a majority of the time is hurting her. SD is only seeing her mother Monday and Tuesday nights after school. That’s not a lot of time with your parent.
I guess, aside from ranting, what are my legal options? How do I pursue this further? I’m going to look for their divorce papers and see if there’s anything regarding who has to have primary custody of her.
Mrs. Fireball is right that you don't have rights to your SD
And that a custody battle is expensive and often the NCP doesn't win, BUT if BM has primary custody, which it sounds like she does, but is absent and leaving the kids with her parents, depending on the court, the NCP could get majority custody. You all would need to consult with a lawyer to discuss the feasibility where you are, but it's not as impossible as only if BM is "abusive, neglectful, etc."
If nothing else, it sounds like it would be wise for SD to start therapy, which is a frightfully easy order to get in most courts.
I think your best bet would
I think your best bet would be to have SO try to talk to BM about SDs well being. I'd recommend counseling and see if BM wildwoul open to a custody change.
BM is probably counting on
BM is probably counting on child support to supplement her income so the likelyhood of her agreeing to give up custody is slim to none.
Consult an attorney. Most will do a consultation for free and see what they say about options. SD being sad won't be taken into account much but BM passing SD off on Gma might have some judges be willing to do a custody flip. Especaially if BM did in fact move or get a job in another state and not tell you.
Just because she said nothing
is going on at BM's house doesn't mean nothing is going on. BM has a girld friend not a boyfriend - right? Are there any boys in the house? Does she spend any time alone with other men? She could be crying because of her chaotic life, or it could be sign of something more serious.
DH needs to get her in therapy right away - with a therapist who specialized in kids. He needs to tell the therapist how she has changed. You are right, it could be hormones - but if its not it is best to have a therapist talk to her and figure it out.
You don’t have any legal
You dont have any legal options. But your DH has all of them. He needs to put a hand between his legs give the giggle berries a squeeze and get to court to nail his XW to the wall . Of course he can and should take care of his daughter and his XMIL just served him victory in a platter with that text.
Go to war!