it's all falling apart....
I have been married for 2 1/2 years to a man I have been friends with since I was 14
I was a guest at his first wedding and have known his boys their whole lives. We dated for about 5 years before we got marries. When the younger boy was 2, his mother carried on an affair and left for anotheran leaving my husband to raise the kids alone. They divorced and battled over the kids, he won full custody. Things went pretty well, we were all learning to love together (lots of battles over housework, chores and such). I tried to turn a house in complete disarray into a nice home. I threw parties for graduations, Sunday dinner's, birthdays and holidays. There were vacations and days at the beach. I packed lunches andade dinners. I studied for Regents and SAT's, I did it all.
I never felt completely comfortable around the younger boy. I felt he was dishonest and caught him lying ALOT. I came to find out it was him biological mother that made him lie, trying to keep her life private from us. On one occasion six months ago, I confronted him about another lie he had told regarding his grandmother health (we were not to know she had had a heart attack, why? IDK). He stormed out of the house, screaming on the way out that he was a woman stuck in a mans body (transgendered). Two weeks later he tried to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge in NYC. He was hospitalized for two months and then returned to our house. After about two weeks home we got into an argument because he was out with his mother for about ten hours without calling. He took off down the driveway and now lives with his mother and refuses to talk to me, come to our house or have anything to do with me. He hates me.
This has put tremendous strain on my marriage. I feel like giving up. He has started female hormones, refuses to work due to anxiety and depression and it currently taking one class. After not paying child support for 15 years, his mother is taking us to court for child support after having him for 6 months (she just moved out of a homeless shelter after living on the subway). I am drowning here in anger and resentment. I am in counseling, I need some help and advise, from anyone
Please
Counter sue BM for back
Counter sue BM for back CS.
That's really the only advice I can give you. I've never dealt with a transgendered teen. If it were my son, I know I'd be shocked and need some adjusting time, but I have no idea what his father would go through. This has to be very stressful on your DH as well. Give the SS some time to figure out what is going on in his brain. This has to be a scary time for him as well. Maybe some family therapy could help.
Ouch. OK, deep breaths, you
Ouch. OK, deep breaths, you can do this!
First, how old is the younger boy? When you said he started female hormones, I assumed he was at least 18 - I didn't think they'd do that for anyone underage. But then he wouldn't be eligible for child support, right?
Second, what, exactly, is stressing you out? Is it worry for the boy and his issues? Stress about potential child support? That you loved him and took care of him and now he won't speak to you? All of the above? And why is this putting a strain on your marriage? Does your DH not feel the same? Are you arguing about something related to all this?
She's in NY, CS goes a lot
She's in NY, CS goes a lot longer there.
I don't think she meant she
I don't think she meant she was mad he didn't call when he was with his mom, I think she meant she didn't know where he was at all for 10 hours and he ended up being with his mom. Since he lived at her house and she raised him, I understand her being upset not knowing where is was.
First, I hate that he felt like he had to lie to you guys about things with his mom's side, however, his grandmother's health and things like that really was none of your business.
Second, calm down. It sounds like he needs a lot of support and acceptance right now. He needs to feel like you guys accept him for who he is and who is wants to become, if he doesn't, you will lose him forever. He's depressed, suicidal, confused and going through a lot. Keep reaching out to him and keep trying to show him you are there for him. It sounds like you really do care about him (if not, my advice would be to let your husband handle it).
I understand the stress putting a strain on your marriage, marriage is hard when life is perfect. Tell your husband how you feel, that you've done all you can do and now you feel rejected/down/unappreciated.