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Love "poll"

AJanie's picture

Your stepkids, stepadults, whatever the case may be...

Do you LOVE them?

Not do you like them, or tolerate them, but love them... you know, underneath it all?

My answer: I believe there is a "love scale" of sorts. Let's say 1 to 10 with 10 being the true "with all my heart" love I feel for my dogs (haha), my mom and dad, DH and my sister. Then we have my very best friend at 9. My other close friends, family members, nieces/nephew, and the skids hover around 7 and 8. I love my boss and a couple of my co-workers too, but they are more a 4 or 5. 1,2 and 3 would probably be reserved for a romantic partner who you are falling for but still just getting to know...

So do I "throw myself in front of a train for them" love them... nope. BM can have that.

But, those little weasels are on my love scale.

sunshinex's picture

I "love" her as I would love a niece or nephew or something, which basically means I'll make sure she's taken care of and I care about her a lot, but if she decided to move out, I'd be happy and I wouldn't miss her much aside from wanting the occasional visit.

TwoOfUs's picture

I absolutely adore my niece and my nephews on my side...my blood. Don't really know the ones a married into bc they were older and live far away. I see them once a year. don't have bios, so the niece and nephews are the closest thing I've got, I guess...them and my baby sister. I'd say they're higher on my love scale than the skids. I put more effort into seeing them, getting to know them, figuring out their interests, etc.

Of course, they're little kids (1-7 age range) and I've been there with them since birth...so that may have a lot to do with it, too.

That said, those darn skids are on my love scale, to answer OPs question. Even when I hate the situation or hate blended family dynamics...or just dread or resent their presence for a minute...I do help them, care for them...want them to be happy and successful. That's a kind of love...

It's not the I can't wait to see you and want to spend all kinds of time with you love...but it's something!

AJanie's picture

Love this. I, too, would take a bullet in my ass cheek. I will save the bullet to the heart for the little tadpole that will one day, maybe, grow in my heart shaped uterus. Blum 3

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I don't love them. However, I'm a compassionate person. I would prefer that they are happy and well-adjusted because it makes DH happier and there's less stress in our lives.

hereiam's picture

This^^^^

I don't lose any sleep over SD25 and her choices (as bad as they are) but my DH worries about her and I do care about that, so I wish the best for her.

Stepped in what momma's picture

I am with the rest of them. ^^^^^
The only reason I care is because he does and he means the world to me.

still learning's picture

Apathy is all I feel for ss31, ss26 is a decent human being and I like him as much as I like the cashier at Walmart. gskids have a slight leg up on unrelated strangers kids because DH loves them and him being happy makes me happy.

nengooseus's picture

DH, DD, and my dog are like 11s, at least on a numbered scale. I have a fierce momma bear living inside of me, and she comes out when they're threatened.

My lifelong BFF is probably a 8, my other bestie is a solid 7.5-8.

If SD was on fire, I would pee on her to put it out. She got a crap deal with her BM that she keeps making worse with the choices she makes, but she's 12, so maybe there's hope for her. If forced to put a number to it, I'd say maybe a 4 or 5?

If SS was on fire, I don't think I'd pee on him to put it out. I might try to kick some dirt on him to make it stop, but that would be about it. Maybe a 2? I'd probably do more if our mailman needed help, or the plumber, than I'd do for SS. He's BM minion, and it makes me ill to think about.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Part of the reason I got so sucked into dysfunction was I believed all the flowery language thrown around by my in-laws. They throw the L word around constantly, so much so that it doesn't mean much. And I learned just how little they loved me after I stopped being a doormat for OSD. So, I don't use the L word unless I truly mean it.

I do not love OSD37. I've known her since she was 12, and I've really, tried to love her, but I don't. In fact, I don't even like her, not one tiny bit. And that is okay.

My feelings for YSD31 are more complicated, because I raised her for five years and did grow to love her. However I've had no relationship with her for over 11 years. She is a deeply troubled person, a pathological liar/user, and causes grief in all her relationships. Still, despite all the pain she caused me I still love her. I just can't be around her for my own protection.

Merry's picture

Underneath all the craziness, yes I do love them. SD and SS have -- do -- can -- make me crazy, but I care about them. There are even things I actually admire about each of them.

secondplace's picture

I feel some love for my Sd's. If I hear anyone saying anything bad about them, it bothers me. So my love for them would be about a 5 or so.

But, I still never look forward to seeing them. Every time they come over, that old anxiety comes back - having to watch what I say, making sure nobody sees the eye rolling, looking at the clock to see how much longer they will be at my house.

CANYOUHELP's picture

No, I do not even like mine, much less love them (-10), scale possibly lol....they are now nothing to me and that is exactly what they always wanted, it just took me too long to realize it. You'd think that would make them happy, given I am excluding myself on my own...they do not like that either, so the situation is hopeless.

I do not have room to deal with this negativity in my life and refuse to give them time I cannot get back or emotional space.

Life is wayyyyy too short for the BS. And, daddeeeee is a doormat who refuses to correct highly inappropriate behavior; that is why they act like they do..LOL.

Is_What_It_Is's picture

Yeah... a bullet and some grazing is definitely questionable. I'd really have to think about it first lol.

z3girl's picture

I used to not like SD. Over the years, I've come to care about her, like her even. I can't say I really love her. She'll send texts or write FB comments where she writes "Love you!" to me on them (thankfully only a couple times), but that makes me feel uncomfortable. I get the feeling she throws the word "love" out there too freely. Anyway, I love my niece without question, and although I care about SD, I do not have the same feelings for SD.

Acratopotes's picture

on a scale between 1-10 with 10 being yes

mmmm mmmmm

-55

nope do not love her, do not like her, do not tolerate her shyt... not my kid and not my problem, she gets enough love from her boyfriends, and father.

missmama1234's picture

I don't love my SS yet..but I hope that one day it does develop. I thibk if I loved him, it would make some things in life a bit easier and I would be genuinely happy doing all the mom stuff for him (he lives woth me full time) but there are some days where I juat feel resentful. I work so hard tocfull in this gap becuase hos bio mom isn't involved. And also I do what I do to help my DH..SS is sweet but he has this really arrogant, sarcastic side to him that I can't stand.

So on a scale of 1-10 I would probably say 5?

sammigirl's picture

I do not love my grown skids; with that said, I would never wish harm to any of them. I lost my bio sons when they were teens, in an accident; no parent should ever experience this loss. My skids have never shown respect to me and I do not give love easily.

My biggest fear is the loss of a child of your own. I never want my DH to experience that horror.

My grown skids are just people to me that I am definitely not close to, but I wish them a healthy life, as long as they leave me out of their drama.

momjeans's picture

Nope. I do not love skid.

BM shut down any remote possibility that would happen - immediately, once skid started talking about me. Apparently, skid was going back home to BM and would talk about how fun and nice I was, often asking BM when she'd get to see me.

Per DH, BM was LIVID. She villainized me and started sending messages to me through skid - who was very young at that time. I basically succumbed to the fact that that sort of loving relationship between me and skid would never happen.

ForArtsSake's picture

The comments about taking bullets gives me déjà vu. SD9 poised this question to me once: "If we (as in she, SD8, SD7, and DD2) were about to be shot by a gunman, who would I save?" I told her I'd save DD2. Smile I know it was a litmus test, or to see if I'd lie, but f@ck it.
I'd rate SD9 at a whopping 0.1 on the love scale. That child irks my inner zen everytime I deal with her.
SD8 would average a 4 or 5. She has qualities, that if encouraged, could make her more lovable. She's just not there yet.
I think SD7 is a smooth 6.5, but could be a cool 7 if she keeps on being as great as she is.