Maybe I’m PMSing but this really pissed me off tonight...thoughts
SS14 is the most spoiled selfish entitled brat there is. Last spring SS14 "borrowed" $20 from me to buy a video game and never paid me back even with multiple reminders from me and DH. SS14 "Borrowed" $30 from DH last summer and again never paid it off. Last week SS14 hit me up for $20 again. I agreed ONLY if SS14 Immediately paid me back the last $20 also. I figured this was the ONLY way I would get my money back. SS agreed. Here is where I got SO pissed off
I'm working this evening when SS14 came over. After SS14 went home I called DH to chat. DH Casually mentioned SS14 brought over a $50 target gift card he got for his birthday and will pay off his debt he owes us with that.
1. I never agreed to this I told SS14 I wanted cash and DH NEVER asked me if I was ok with this.
2. I know SS14 hates target the only reason he's giving us this.
3. I know for a fact SS14 has over $900 saved up over at BM's house but being selfish he does not want to spend his money to pay us back
4. When I told DH I never agreed to a gift card instead of money he got all snotty with me and said "fine I'll just pay you the money back". Um no how about SS14 paying me back?? I did not say this but wanted to.
So yes this may seem minor BUT not sure who I'm more pissed at. SS14 for being sneaky and selfish or DH to allow this behavior and not ask me if I was ok with this before he agreed to it..
Am I PMSing/over Reacting or living with a spineless dick??
Tell your husband to trade
Tell your husband to trade you the gift card for cash, that you don't want a Target card.
And to throw in an extra $10
And to throw in an extra $10 for your troubles!
Stop lending him money...you
Stop lending him money...you know he's not good for it and sounds like your DH isn't good for it either...next time
SS:"Gulible SM can you loan me 20?"
You: "Nope I'm not a bank, ask your dad."
I ONLY let SS borrow money for video games
Call me evil BUT video games are my saving grace from this little Demon spawn. I Absolutely love the fact SS will play video games for HOURS when he's over and will Encourage it anyway I can. It keeps him entertained and away from harassing the pets and away from me.
unfortunately that means you
unfortunately that means you'll be the bank of SM forever.
I would just let DH pay me
I would just let DH pay me back and call it even. It's obvious SS isn't going to change his ways with parents who don't make him.
Terrible advice. Let the
Terrible advice. Let the husband pay his teenage son's debt? Why, so he'll never learn to be responsible, and respect other people's money??
Listen, he's a few years removed from being 18 years old! At what point do you expect him to grow up and respect others?!??
NEVER accept that gift card.
NEVER accept that gift card. You had an agreement, and at 14 years old, SS should understand the concept of keeping his word.
DO NOT ACCEPT repayment of SS's debt, from his dad. You'll be setting him up to expect that for the rest of his life!
"No consequences" is a dangerous way to raise a child.
It's not her job to raise
It's not her job to raise this kid.
That's my point, if a child
That's my point, if a child has been indoctrinated with values and beliefs based in the standards Thier parents have set for them.
Do you believe anything you as a SP is going to do will change that? So why waste the time and effort.
It is, although, her job to
It is, although, her job to participate. You marry into the family, like it, or not.
This is why I don't lend
This is why I don't lend money to anyone- not even my own kids. If I have it to give them, I give money but never expect to have it paid back. It just leaves me bitter and resentful.
My exH's brother was an addict and this was a lesson I learned in my early 20's. The amount of money I "lended" would make you sick.
Me too. If our adult kids
Me too. If our adult kids need a helping hand now and then, I'm fine with that. Rarely happens. But l won't lend them (or even DH) money. I have in the past and it just makes me twitch when I see them spending money foolishly instead of repaying a debt. That goes for DH too.
Looks like you paid $20
Looks like you paid $20 tuition for a course at Stepping University. What have you learned from this experience?
FWIW, I would not let my H slide on letting SS slide on this one. Don't compromise your standards just because this brat's parents have set the bar so low. You can make this all about SS learning how to be a good man so he can get along in life, and point out matter of factly that you expect the person who gave your their promise to repay you to do just that, IN PERSON.
You could really have some fun with this. I remember in the '80s John Cusak movie Better Off Dead, there was a sub plot involving the newspaper delivery boy trying to collect payment. He showed up throughout the movie, peddling after Cusak's character on his bike yelling "GIMME MY TWO DOLLARS!!! "
But seriously? Be like that paper boy. Don't drop this, or let that brat off easy. His parents always do, but he'll remember that you didn't. I'd contact his mom to explain what's up, and how you're "trying to back up her good parenting blah blah by holding SS accountable" etc. I'd tell SS he gets no Xmas presents from you until he repays his debt, too.
Oh, your post reminded me of a similar one from years ago. As I recall, it involved a selfish adult SD who made a big deal about having a great present for her SM's birthday. But on the day of, she "forgot it". And when she next visited, she "forgot" it again. This SM and her H were on the same page, so they had fun with it and started a campaign of reminding SD that she still needed to give SM that awesome gift. Family bowling night? "Hey SD, don't forget to bring SM's birthday present." Grandparents' anniversary party? "SD, did you bring SM's birthday present?" This went on for MONTHS, and I think it was a great way to let the SD know she wasn't fooling anyone. I don't know if the present ever materialized, but it was too funny.
OMG I’ve done this and it’s hilarious!
A few years back we were at a fair and bratty SS wanted this expensive toy. DH agreed BUT told SS he had to wait for his birthday for the gift. SS threw a fit saying he likes "Surprises" on his birthday. I knew the brat was lying and just wanted the toy now BUT DH believed SS. So going forward I ALWAYS remind DH NOT to ask SS what he wants for his bday as he likes "surprises". Really I know SS likes to pick out his gifts but to bad now lol
Ah yes, the learning of debt.
Ah yes, the learning of debt.
OSD was great at getting things purchased for her, esp. nice gifts for her friend's birthdays. One year she asked me to get a gift set of books when we were at a bookstore for her friend's bday. It was around $40. Sure, but you need to pay me back, that's a nice gift. Oh yeah, I will! Over the next two weeks no funds materialize but I do help her sell some of her things online (with DH's permission). She made about $60. As I was counting out the money to her, I said, now, I am taking $40 of this as reimbursement for those books I bought for you. This is how re-paying someone works.
Oh, the look I got! But she never asked for something like that again from me.
Gift cards are not
Gift cards are not appropriate for repayment of debt. $US are clearly labeled as "legal tender for all debts public and private."
Take a pic of those words on a bill and text it to your kid catering idiot husband.
I curtailed borrowing month 5-7 of our relationship
MIL BM1 2 and others would come to borrow money from DH. MIL at the time made double what DH made and spent it all then had to borrow money for gas from DH.(more times than I can count twice per week sometimes). then instead of giving cash back she would go shopping and buy what she wanted then bring it over to DH. She was overly involved with BMs and would borrow money from DH to go shopping for BM( for the SS good ya know).
That was behavior I put a stop to immediately after he moved in with me when she showed up with a $500 Tv Toys for the boys and told us that this was the money she owed us. LOL BIT** say what? DH was sic for a couple days and had a low check that week and we needed food. He never let her borrow money again.
I am the type that only lends money if I know I can afford not getting it back. If you ask me for money before you paid me back the amount decreases until it hits zero. $ 20 first. Then $10. The $5. Then 0.
We do the following with the SS16. Now that he's got a job he gets to pay for extras for himself and saves 1/2 the check. He asks ius to buy we say no he either can buy with his $ or not. There are the rare things are not allowed at my house. There is no borrowing of any sort between us and SS. because we encourage living in your means.
Once the marriage license is signed.....
All monies are marital resources and there are no loans without agreement between the spouses/equity life partners.
The occassional $20 is one thing, but if that gets out of hand or if there is a more significant begging for funds... that is another thing entirely and NO! from either partner closes the issues.
IMHO of course.