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Refusing visitation and a judge that will not enforce it.

justthe10ofus's picture
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Very long story. I am married to a man who has 2 dauhters now 10, 12. I have 5 kids, and we have 1 son now 4 together. We got emergency custody of his 2 girls in 2008 due to abuse and neglect. His ex is a sociopath and pathological lier, drug addict, and alcoholic. She lies constantly, in court and gets her drug addict friends to lie in court also. She tells the kids constant lies and convinces them these things are true. We have recordings were the kids witnessed her crimes of breaking and entering and telling the girls she was going to get custody back by lieing to the court that we hit the girls. We split custody at our final hearing in 2009 due to her threats of lieing on the stand. We had this joint plan until 2010 when we moved due to jobs, 50 miles away. When we went back to court she again lied on the stand for 12+ hours and the judge gave her custody even though she was living with a convicted attemped murderer and a man who assaulted a police officer, not to mention her abuse and neglect on the childen, and evidence that she had broke into our house and stolen property. During the entire time since the divorce (7 years) she has refused visition (When we did not have emergency sole custody). We have taken her for contempt various times (also for protective order due to admitting in court she tried to beat me up when I was 7 months pregnant), the last time the judge stated "You have got to stop bringing her in, I'm not going to do anything", The judge never taking action on her refusing visitation. She has had sole custody for 18 months and we have not seen the girls for 1 year.(She blocks phone numbers, refuses calls and moves where the girls live constantly, has moved schools twice.) We found the girls sitting outside of a school this last week (waiting until the attenpted murder she lives with to get off work at 5:30 to pick them up from school). The 12yo she has convinced that we are the crazy ones and is yelling cuss words at our faces when we saw her and on the phone when we attempted to get visitation again. I do not see how we can help her right now. The 10yo I am fearful for because she is being bullied by her sister and her mom and is pretending like everything is normal when we saw her at the school. Is there anything to be done for these children esp the youngest to save her from this sociopath, and turn her around so she does not become one? I can't see how to even talk to this child due to the judges inabilty to even try to fix the situation.

StickAFork's picture

Um, wow. Maybe petition for a new judge?

I don't understand, if you had split custody and the situation with BM is so awful, why you chose to leave the girls there full time and move away. That just makes NO sense to me. BM can't be THAT awful or you wouldn't have given her free reign to destroy the girls.

justthe10ofus's picture

We didn't leave the girls there. We petitioned for full custody but she ended up getting it. She is worse than you could ever imagine.

justthe10ofus's picture

We tried to do everything in our power to win custody but you can't fight a constant lier in court who has no soul or remorse for her actions. We even tried to get the judge to listen to the girls plees of the truth but she hired the DA as her attorney and we couldn't get anywhere. THey wouldn't listen to them.

StickAFork's picture

Your story may be the worst judicial goof up I've ever heard.

Can you petition for a different judge? It makes no sense that your case played out like this. Sad

justthe10ofus's picture

I know it makes no sense. No one can believe that they got away with all this. No our lawyer did not petition for a GAL. We were up against the guy that was goign to be the new DA. We felt like our lawyer wasn't even trying, or the judge. THey were just doing whatever the DA wanted. We got less than 1 1/2 hours in front of the judge and she got 1 3/4 days.

justthe10ofus's picture

We have over 500 papers on her and what she has done. We have documented everything but no one will listen! It is like a father has no rights here.

StepKidto3Momto3's picture

What were those papers?

Police reports, DCFS reports? Possibly admissible

Your own journal of what happened? Not admissible

justthe10ofus's picture

Yes. She takes him to court multiple times a year to keep increasing it. We had won every case against her increases until the last one when we didn't get notice until days before and my DH couldn't get off work to show up. We don't know what she did, we believe that she used our tax statement with our combined incomes to figure CS. It is a very large amount. 3 times what it was before that hearing.

justthe10ofus's picture

We filed motion to vacate the order that DHS signed, but the secretary for the judge would not put it in front of him to look at.

justthe10ofus's picture

We do not have alot of money. We cannot afford a custody battle. We have already spent $25,000. We have 6 other kids to provide for and most of our income goes to his 2 kids already. I was hoping there might be something we could do that was not too costly. Motion for another judge and contempt? They cannot continue to keep him from every seeing them, I know that is not legal. Or other ideas on how we can possible see the girls or contact them? What does a court do when the mother will never allow visitation no matter what? Do they have a third party involved that oversees the exchange or something to assure it takes place?

justthe10ofus's picture

Thanks. Smile

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

It looks like you need a new lawyer with some hutzpah, a contempt motion, and motion for recusal, filing a claim of "abuse of judicial authority", or an appeal. That is ridiculous.

rosie33's picture

:jawdrop: insane!!! wow, I can't believe she has gotten away with all she has and no one in the courts has done anything! I have been feeling very helpless when it comes to courts as well and this just proves my worst fears of things that are possible. Ugh. I wish you the best, it sounds like you have gotten some good advice as to where to turn next. Good Luck!

justthe10ofus's picture

What were those papers?

Police reports, DCFS reports? Possibly admissible

Your own journal of what happened? Not admissible

WE had police reports of 2 kidnappings. ONe where she kidnapped their kids and took them to over 700 miles away. We had to hire a PI for that one. One where she kidnapped my daughter from school. THe police took no action on this because she claimed I gave her permission, which I did not! One of a restraining order where she admitted to assault. One where she broke into our house and stole property. Photos of her doing drugs and drinking with teenagers which she posted on the net. It is endless. TEstimonies from teachers on paper. DHS papers saying she refused to cooperate. Medical/Dental Records. Phone records. LEgal court records from all the parties envolved on her side that they were not fit to care for chidlren. Paperwork proving that she was married to 2 men at the same time during my DH marriage to her. ETC ETC.

sandby's picture

Our situation isn't quite as bad, but from what our experiences have been, judges have far too many cases and don't want to actually engage their brains and think. They get a little summary of the case which is highly biased and then that's the way they see the case.

DAs are so busy that anything they can just ignore and send to family court they will. They don't want to bother with custody issues that involve contempt of court or mistermeanor interferring with visitation. Our attorney said it this way, when they are pleading down violent felonies and letting people walk, they don't give a darn about a mom not letting a dad see her kids.

The judge in our case made little quips about being tired of seeing him and implied he needed to drop it.