My SS doesn't think of me as "family"
I recently noticed that all my 5 year old SS pre-school drawings - he does two separate ones. One for BM and one for BD. The one he does for his BM has her, her husband, my SS and his little brother (BM and husband's child). The one he does for his BD has my SS, BD, Paternal Grandmother, Paternal Grandfather. The BD and and I have been together for 4 years and we were married in September.
I truly think my SS doesn't see me as "family" because I am not a mommy. I do not have any biological children of my own and I am very respectful to the BM and do not overstep my boundaries.
I want him to think of me as family - I just don't know what to do. His BD and I are always doing family oriented stuff with SS. I do believe that the BM says negative stuff to him about me and Paternal Grandparents are on BM's side and make sure SS understand that I am NOT his mother. I just don't understand why everyone thinks I want to be his mother -I am happy being his friend....
How do I help him to think of me as family too???
My SD( go as far as crossing
My SD-8 went as far as crossing me out of pictures my BD-6 draws of us (DH,and ourD and my BD). Skids dont consider me family either one time I took SD to the drs and she walked in and said "mom" Sd quickly corrected her ans Said "No she is not my mom she is my step mom" and in my head im thinking hmm why dont you have you"MOM" here with you instaed oh b/c she scheduled your visit during our time next time we will cancel so "YOUR REAL MOM" can take you "THANK YOU" BM will try there hardest to make sure their kids dont see you in a good way.
SAME HERE
SS5 is quick to correct anyone who calls me his mom by mistake. He will tell them "NO, she is my STEPmom." He loves me very mucha nad has no problem expressing that. He cuddles and hugs and tells me he loves me. It is just VERY obvious that BM has filled his head with "SHE is not your MOM"... I just let it go... We make sure that all of the kids know that we love them VERY VERY much. We give them the attention and affection that all kids deserve from their family. And sooner or later the truth will prevail. A 5 year old boy is VERY protective of his MOMMY. I just keep on keepin on... and know that by ME doing the right thing... SS will know that we love him, no matter what his mom fills his head with. She can try, but his love for us is very obvious, and the longer that I stick to my guns and just love him dispite the fact that he points out to EVERYONE that I am NOT his mom... the more comfortable and more loving he is with me. I even go as far as telling him that we like his mommy (when he asks) because that is not for him to worry about. He is only 5. All he knows is that is his MOM, and he loves her. It will come... just keep doing the right thing and love him, be there for him and it will be okay. Despite what people may think or say. Just because you care for a child and love them, does not mean you are trying to take mom's place. Let it roll off your back.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )
my perspective...as an skid AND SM
I don't consider my stepmother family. I put her name on the Christmas card, I acknowledge her at family gatherings, when I call my dad I make polite chit-chat with her for a few minutes...but I don't consider her family.
I don't think my skids consider me family either...they know I'm there for them and that I'm not trying to replace their mother. I have no problem just being a loving adult friend in their lives.