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New here...first post..and a few questions...

rockyapollo's picture

Submitted by rockyapollo on Sun, 04/18/2010 - 12:01am

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General Discussion

Hi, I am new here! A little info on me...I have an 8 yr old son from my first marriage, and 2 SD's ages 9 and 13. I have been married to my DH for 3 years. We have 50/50 joint custody, a week on and then a week off.

Now for my questions Smile

Does anyone else experience problems with current in laws treating their biological kids different than their stepkids? :?
Do you ever feel like you can't be there for your own biological kids because of needy stepkids? Sad
Is it normal for BM to call DH just about every day for silly reasons? :?
Do you ever feel like you are nothing but a maid and a babysitter in you DH's eyes? Sad

Is it possible for a marriage to survive so many setbacks? :? Sad :?

Any advice is much appreciated Smile

Thanks!

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 04/18/2010 - 12:44am

Rocky,

Welcome. I hope you find this community to be a good place to vent, contribute and pick up some useful perspective from others navigating the hazards of blended family life.

Answers:

1) No. My SS is an only child in our home and my parents treat him like they do my brother's three. He is their GrandSon and pity the fool who would suggest to my parents that our son (my SS) is not their grandchild.

Interestingly, my SS is a second class citizen in the SpermClan. SpermGrandPa hates him for no reason other than SpermGrandPa hates SpermDad. He dotes on my SS's younger out-of-wedlock half sister and 2 younger out-of-wedlock half brothers. BioDad has 4 out of wedlock spawn by 3 different womb donors. My SS is his oldest.

2) No, I have no biospawn. My wife and started dating when SS was 15mos old and married before he turned 2yo. I am the first one he called Daddy and I am his Dad. He is my kid. So we don't have this problem.

3) It is not abnormal. In fact based on what I have seen in this community it is very normal. Unnecessary IMHO but normal. My wife never calls BioDad or any of the SpermClan and they rarely call us or the kid. The only calls we get from SpermLand is when SpermGrandMa calls to arrange visitation travel.

4) Nope, I am not the babysitter nor the maid for SS. My wife still insists on doing those things for him. IMHO a 17yo can do their own damned laundry and every other chore in the house that I don't want to do. At 17 a kid (bio or step) is slave labor when it comes to chores. }:) We hated chores so much when we were their age that the only reason I can think to have children at all is to pawn our chores off on them. Blum 3 JJOC.

5) Absolutely it is possible of a marriage to survive the trials and tribulations of blended family life. In fact a marriage can thrive in the blended family environment. My wife and agreed long ago that our marriage comes first. Before the kid (my SS), before the ILs, before anything else. The Skid is a beneficiary of the health of the marriage but he is not a party to it. And for damned sure the SpermClan does not register at any level of importance at all. Other than making sure our son (my SS) sees the SpermClan according to the visitation schedule we have nothing to do with them. Until they crawl out from under their toothless spermidiot rock and play games. Then we roll the judgment up and beat them about the head and shoulders with it until they crawl sniveling back under their rock.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

rockyapollo's picture

Submitted by rockyapollo on Sun, 04/18/2010 - 12:45am

I am blessed that my DH is a great cook. At least that is one thing I do not have to worry about. I work approx 50 hrs a week (and make just about as much $$ as my DH) and dinner is ready when I get home.

BM is a stay at home mom, so SD's are used to having a maid. After getting home at 7 o'clock, dinner, homework bath and then bedtime....not a lot of time for cleaning up messes. I cannot stand having a dirty house.

My SD's and my son get a long great. My son and the 9 yr old are best of friends. Problem is that my SD's are spoiled and get just about anything they want from my in laws or from their Mom. When I try to do ANYTHING for my son, they complain that I am showing favortism..especially from the 13 year old. Even if I just get him a pack of gum from the store. Eventually everyone in the family knows about how "bad" I treat them and I am the worst person in the world. It just angers me that I have given up everything for this family and I somehow feel underappreciated. Sad

Here lately, I have been spending more time with my son...just me and him alone. This is at his request to have some alone Mommy time.

Then there is the BM drama...way too late to get into all of that tonight.

soverysad's picture

Submitted by soverysad on Fri, 04/23/2010 - 9:21am

delete

epgr's picture

Submitted by epgr on Mon, 04/19/2010 - 4:06pm

Current inlaws treat my kids decent for the most part, do they get what their biogrand kids get Nope. That does not bother me, mykids have grandparents, but I have told them before if you dont treat my kids like your bio grandkids, how can I be expected to treat skids as my own. It bothers me more that skids get treated better than the bio kids I have with DH, skids hung the moon in grandparents eys, and our kids (their bio grandkids) they are nothing.

I feel like I can never do anything for my bio kids without someone bitching about it... just because I have certain things I want for my kids does not automatically mean I HAVE to want the same for skids.. I shouldnt have to drag them along to every single thing, buy them everything I do my own kids.. and to expect me to do that is only going to lead to someones disappointment.. I dont see anyone bitching when skids bring home bags of presents from grandparents, and my kids get nothing (even though they are biogrand kids).. ok I do bitch and they go right back!!
when the skids complain and cry unfair, I say fine, then you give me 1/2 of what you got from your moms and share it with my kids..and they will share what they got..funny how that will shut someone up around here.

When BM was calling all hours of the night, literally, I let it slide a few times.. finally I put a halt to it.. she rarely calls anymore because she is afraid she might be asked to take her kids!

Maids get paid, babysitters get paid.. I do not get paid, and not even thanked for what I do.

I hope its possible for a marriage to survive, some days look pretty dark though!