I'm in a similar situation, i.e. stepparent with no kids of my own. My DH has one child, very brief relationship with BM, found out about SS when he was 3 months old. When DH and I first started dating I was only 21 and SS was only 11 months old, but we discussed kids pretty early in our relationship. While he loved SS more than anything, BM made the first few years of being a father so hard for DH he was really unsure he would ever want more children. I made my feelings very clear from the beginning, while I wasn't in the position where I wanted to have children at the time, I knew with 100% certainty that I wanted to have children in the future. We had a lot of conversations about it and I explained that I didn't want to force him to have a child with me because that's not fair to the child and to both of us, but I also didn't want to wake up in my 50's and regret not having children and start to resent him for it. I would say it took us almost two years to get on the same page regarding having kids. By the time we got married we were both on the same page without one forcing the other. I would say if having a child of your own is really important to you, then it's best to get out of the relationship. Like Camper said, you don't want it to be forced and you deserve to be happy. In situations like this you have to put your own happiness first, make sure whatever decision you make is one that you can live with for the rest of your life.

As for not knowing how to be a stepparent, I say welcome to the club I don't think any of us really knew how to be a stepparent in the beginning, heck 7 years later and I still don't what I'm doing, but I have a feeling parenting in general is the same way. I make mistakes sometimes and say things I shouldn't, or keep quiet when I should really speak up. It's a learning process. I think I have it easier than some. I've been in SS's life since he was 11 months old, so he doesn't know life without me and we have a great relationship. It's still hard sometimes though, I struggle with decisions and I let BM get under my skin way more than I should. You just have to find a way to make it work for you. Again make sure the choice you make is what's best for you, because you're the one who has to live with it.

You know you do not "have" to raise these children. Unless you choose to adopt them (which of course would require the mothers' permission) you are not their mother. You do have to be kind to them and do not harm them.

Stepmother is just a title. There are no legal obligations (at least in the US). It ends up being what the two partners jointly decide works for them.

As for having a child of your own - just because he's been fixed doesn't mean you can't have a child. Artificial insemination is an option.

Nobody but you two can decide if a compromise can be worked out that suits you both. Right now it sounds like he is dictating to you "raise my children and no you can't have any yourself."

I know this is advise you may not wish to hear, but kind lady.....get out now.... It is hard when you love somebody, but the feelings you have now about bf and skids will only continue to grow and then you will resent the entire situation and feel completely used. You are emotionally already moving in that direction and you will start sprinting full speed, if you haven't already.

You are without kids, you are a catch for any single man. Better situations can come your way, but you will have to follow logic, rather than your heart to make that happen.

The sooner you decide and begin adjusting your life, the sooner you will find real happiness.

If you are intent on wanting to be a Mom and he doesn't want more kids leave him and find someone who fits better. Take a long time to think about this. It does not sound like you are ready to rush into marriage.

Is your fiancé totally against having another kid because he can always get a vasectomy reversal. My man did. He tried to back out of it but I was like hell no, you owe me, I've sacrificed 10 yrs of my life raising your bad a$$ kids, now its time for you to pay it forward! Its not just about your fiance and what he wants in this life, if you're married you have to compromise, and if you are not willing to do it, than don't get married.

As for being a step parent. it sucks. all this confusion about boundaries. all this tip toeing around underlying issues that can't be addressed in the way you would like. Worrying about this and that. its all bs. Being a stepparent is the most miserable job ever that's why everyone is telling you to run for the hills. Spare yourself the misery. But we all know what its like to be in love with a man with kids. You want to believe that it will get better. It might... but chances are it wont. There are plenty of books that will help you with this journey but every blended family is unique with its own dysfunction. Good luck and make sure that you and your man are always a united front and don't allow the kids to manipulate you or play you guys against each other.

step kids are awesome, I think if you want biological children there are always donors, or you could adopt. Sounds like if you really love the guy and his kids you should go for it. Unless you or he have reservation about the other options I say go for it. Good luck!

https://www.steptalk.org/node/230828

The answer lies in whether you want children of your own of not. For me, theres no way I could be a step parent if I didnt want my own children some day. There are benefits of being childless, but alot of those benefits are lost if you have step children.

And if you want children, then thats fine, thats your choice, but likewise its your fiances right to choose whether or not he wants more children.

If you want children and he doesnt want anymore then its not a relationship that is going to work long term. There will just be too much resentment and too many regrets.

That's a really sh1tty situation! Mine is a bit similar where my BF did find out his ex was pregnant until she was 5months along.. But anyway it doesn't sound like they live with you so how is the visiting situation? Do you see them often? Do you get them on the same day? Again, I don't know how old you are but I would not give up something that I truly wanted or valued.. He has clearly made some poor decisions, later when those feelings of wanting a baby or seeing families deep in, you will hurt and you will resent him. You can start over with someone who has no baggage, as rude as that may sound, don't give up your dreams for him! Remember that your step children will be in the picture INDEFINITELY, is this suitable for the life that YOU envision and want for yourself?