You are here

No responses from "newbies" ...

2Tired4Drama's picture

Submitted by 2Tired4Drama on Wed, 04/10/2013 - 4:48pm

Forums: 
General Discussion

Just wondering if anyone else gets a bit annoyed at this.

A "newbie" posts asking for advice. Multiple people then spend lots of time and energy giving thoughtful, well-explained perspectives. Sometimes it's dozens of responses.

Yet in many cases, the "newbie" never posts again - not even to acknowledge they are reading the chain or even post a final "thanks for all your input".

Seems like this happens over and over, and it really feels like a waste of time.

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Wed, 04/10/2013 - 4:53pm

Hence my choice to either not give advice or short sweet and to the point. Been a lot of new names lately, and a lot of name changes which is hard to keep who's who straight, but I get the need sometimes. The flood of newbies is either up or I'm paranoid.

cast19's picture

Submitted by cast19 on Wed, 04/10/2013 - 5:03pm

hello,

I am a newbie as of today. I am in search of learning and trying to find an outlet of the things that I seem to be expierencing as a future step mom. However in all honesty im scared of some of the feedback I might receive. So I have choosen to stay quiet and a guest for about a year.

cast19's picture

Submitted by cast19 on Wed, 04/10/2013 - 9:41pm

When it is our time for them to be here which is court ordered every other weekend, wed. for two hours, and holidays and breaks. It is the very common mother has full custody arrangement, however my fiance works second shift so I take them while he is at work and any other time I am able to care for them which adds up to about 3 nights a week and every other weekend. I enjoy their company. I love seeing them grow, I love helping with homework, hearing about boys, and what is going on at school. I understand I am or never will be their mother, and I have come to grips with that. I don't want to be known as that. I get mothers day cards with the word mom cut out and my name hand written and pasted in its place and that to me is amazing. I love them with all my heart I would not change anything about them. I get asked difficult questions when their mother is being a not nice person but I am an adult in the situation and I choose my words very wisely when answering. I know things will not change. I understand the roller coaster of the mom being nice and then mean is never going to change, but she does not run my life. I have choices and she does not win. I just feel as if I can not vent to others who are not in these situations because they think the answer is so easy. It is not. I feel when I make a choice I have to make sure it positively affects my fiance and his two kids.

imjustthemaid's picture

Submitted by imjustthemaid on Wed, 04/10/2013 - 5:09pm

Lol!!

If I post a blog and I know I won't be around for awhile to read the responses I try to say it in the blog so you guys aren't like where the heck did she go!!

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Wed, 04/10/2013 - 5:47pm

We should all just reply with one sentence "Set some damn boundaries". Or "Stop being a doormat". Smile

Onefootout's picture

Submitted by Onefootout on Wed, 04/10/2013 - 5:30pm

I'm new. What you mentioned is basic etiquette. But not everyone has been taught that. Maybe some of the veterans could come up with a newbie orientation blog, or a list of do's and dont's, etc.

But even when a newbie OP fails to respond, sometimes the blog takes on a life of its own and I've read some pretty good comments and discussions amongst the posters.

I get what you're saying, though. It's good you bring this up. And I'll be more conscientious about responding. Wonder why the rate of newbies has risen recently?

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Wed, 04/10/2013 - 6:34pm

I think it's likely that people are overwhelmed and saddened by the responses. It really sucks to hear us saying "Oh man, that's horrible. It won't get better unless you do XYZ (hard stuff) or perhaps it will never get better.Please reconsider this." Definitely a case of "not what I wanted to hear".

Craving Normality's picture

Submitted by Craving Normality on Wed, 04/10/2013 - 6:35pm

I had to undergo a namechange because I actually had my user name as my real email address (DUMB!!!) and a quick google check of my email could bring up all my blogs and I was worried my IL's would stumble across my blogs so I came back as something more anonymous. I read everything but have very little advice because I have not managed to create a good step environment in my own home, so I hardly think I have much to offer.

doll faced sm's picture

Submitted by doll faced sm on Wed, 04/10/2013 - 7:09pm

I typically don't respond to newbies because anything I would say, someone else will also say or has said already. There are exceptions, but when the only advice I have is "don't allow him/her/them to do that to you" or something similar, well, eh . . .

And I agree with whoever said that it's very probably not what the person wanted to hear. They probably are looking for assurance that in a year or two the drama will die down and the Brady Bunch happy ending will begin. "It's never going to change" or "It'll get worse if . . . " adds to a depressing situation.

Typically, I would give the OP the benefit of the doubt, though. Either they are too depressed/upset to respond, don't know what to say, or are etiquidiots.

Jellybeam's picture

Submitted by Jellybeam on Thu, 04/11/2013 - 1:15am

I'm pretty new, and sometimes I respond and sometimes I don't and sometimes I remember to say thank you and sometimes I don't. I know for me, (I've been here for maybe 5 weeks) I'm about half crazy!!!! By the time I found this site, I was really about to lose it. So I have purged a lot of feelings that no one else would understand. I'm still angry and impulsive and sometimes I have no "filter" but I have learned a few things and I have gotten some help and I hope maybe something I write would help someone else. But just because I don't write anything else doesn't mean I haven't taken in all I have read and it doesn't mean I dont appreciate it. I'm just kinda frazzled is all. But I do want to say thanks to you all!!!

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Thu, 04/11/2013 - 2:29am

I think it is common courtesy to acknowledge posters who take the trouble to respond to your thread, even if you don't agree with their advice or opinion. But I am old (55) so maybe I am out of touch.

katietome's picture

Submitted by katietome on Thu, 04/11/2013 - 9:18am

I'm a newbie and I've not responded much. I try to respond to my own posts, even if it is just a thank you, but sometimes life gets in the way and suddenly it is a week since I last was here.

Kate

newbiestepmom25's picture

Submitted by newbiestepmom25 on Thu, 04/11/2013 - 9:36am

It doesn't bother me either way. We are all adults here. Just respond to their post with the best advice you can and hope they accept it and move on. They are not killing anyone. I just come here to vent and ask for advice and offer what I can it takes to much time from my already busy life to judge others or worry rather or not they said thank you. JMHO.

2Tired4Drama's picture

Submitted by 2Tired4Drama on Thu, 04/11/2013 - 1:56pm

We all have busy lives, that's why it's annoying to put time and energy into what may be a communicative abyss.

It's not about judgement or a demand for a thank you - it's simple acknowledgement that they have at least come back and READ what we all have written.

All I'm pointing out is that many times new posters desperately ask for help and guidance, lots of people spend time and energy providing it, and then never hear a peep from the individual again.

newbiestepmom25's picture

Submitted by newbiestepmom25 on Thu, 04/11/2013 - 2:59pm

Like I said just give advice and hope they take it just because don't come back saying thanks doesn't mean they didn't appreciate it. A lot of people come here going through a lot they get advice and go handle their buisness. Thank yous are nice but not necessary.