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Opinions needed. Why would SS lie about these things

Marylojo45's picture

Submitted by Marylojo45 on Sun, 03/17/2019 - 9:07pm

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General Discussion

SS is a known Liar Especially if he’s done something wrong. This is wrong but it’s understandable why. Over the last year or two SS has been lying about BM. How do we know he’s lying? Well the stuff he’s telling us is over the top. For example he got into a fight at school recently and when asked what his mother thought he said she was pissed because he lost. Or if we ask what he got for Xmas from his mothers side of the family he will say his mother took all the gifts back and Kept the money because she does not want him to be happy. BM is a nasty controling bitch BUT we know these things are not true. I feel like saying if your going to lie at least make it Believable. SS is not The brightest. SS will complain how he hates it over there and BM is so mean. Now SS says all the time he wants to live with us BUT last year he had the chance to say something when they were in family court and he did not. Also as much as SS acts like he hates BM house and misses daddy so much he NEVER calls SO . SS has his own phone and SO will call or text SS and almost never gets a answer back. We ask SS if he got the text/phone call and he says yes but forgot to call back. So daddy can’t be missed as much as SS leads us to believe. So why would SS who is 12 start telling these Outlandish lies about BM? 

Mommy22's picture

Submitted by Mommy22 on Sun, 03/17/2019 - 9:40pm

Same here. SD lies about things her mother and stepfather has said or done to her. I can see right through them, but SO and his mother feed right into it and believe every word she says. 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Mon, 03/18/2019 - 6:57am

He's playing both sides. My guess is that he says similar stuff to BM about DH. He's aligning with whoever he's with at the time -it's a way of triangulating BM and DH and gives him power.  He's not doing it planfully, most likely, but it's not healthy. 

DH should call him on the lies about BM so he knows they aren't believed. My SS used to do the same thing - unfortunately, BM believed all the lies he told about DH. It was part of the parental alienation dynamic that happened in our situation.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Mon, 03/18/2019 - 7:02pm

Because it's a divorce situation and the two parents probably don't like each other. So he aligns himself with each parent by talking bad about the other. It give him power and makes him feel better when he's in "enemy camp".

These kids especially like to do things like say, "Mom says you are a blankety -blank", then wait for a response, such as "Well, your mother is a blah blah," and then they take that back to the other parent and say, "Dad says you are a blah blah", and around and around it goes.  It's a way of gaining power.

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

Submitted by dysfunctionally... on Mon, 03/18/2019 - 9:16am

Yes! He is playing both sides for sure.

I have a SS who did/does this. Told his father how awful BM was and begged to live here. Then completely backed out when it was time to speak up. Now he plays his BM against us. We are so horrible blah blah blah.

I would ignore him. Simply huh and yeah and oh no will suffice. Don't feed into it at all. 

Notup4it's picture

Submitted by Notup4it on Mon, 03/18/2019 - 5:53pm

I’m going with he is playing both sides too... he most likely talks bad about you guys to her too.  

Why? To get attention, to get power, to get more “things” handed to him, it makes him feel special when his parents fight for/over him?

Ispofacto's picture

Submitted by Ispofacto on Tue, 03/19/2019 - 4:53pm

All kids experiment with lying.  In my generation, if we lied to any adult they would not shrug it off and let it go, they'd drill us down into quivering masses of confessions and remorse.

Nowadays, there are no consequences for lying, it becomes reflexive and habitual.

 

Siemprematahari's picture

Submitted by Siemprematahari on Tue, 03/19/2019 - 2:54pm

What SS is doing is a manipulation tactic. When a child knows that both parents are not on the same page and don't communicate they take the opportunity to lie and play the parents against each other. He manipulates them both and probably tells them the same lies. One way to combat this is to talk to the BM and let her know what's going on. If she's reasonable she'll listen and try to coparent as best as possible. Situations like this are the perfect opportunity for a child to take advantage and manipulate both parents.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 03/21/2019 - 1:52pm

He lies for the same reason anyone lies. He gets something out of it that he wants and would not otherwise get. 

IMHO there is no justification for lying.  Ever.  Liars are POS people and their lies should be met with an escalating state of abject misery. So... bring the pain. Make that lying little POS so miserable that he would wet himself at the thought of telling a lie.

All kids lie at some point. Some make it a habbit, others don't. The ones that make it a habbit need to gain clarity through the application of  very painful and unpleasant consequences.

The why of his lies does not matter. What matters is that he is a liar. 

IMHO of course.