"I hate them all so much that I wish they would all die."

Another one of these? Look, I realize you're raging, I realize you're mad because you can't get what you want, that you see someone else, whom you don't deem worthy, getting what you want, but you made the choices that put you in this situation. This is going to be harsh but you married a man, knowing that he has children and an ex-wife, and all the financial obligations that go with that kind of past and baggage. How long did you date this man? Did you just jump in, thinking that love would conquer all? Do you just let life happen to you, not making any decisions for yourself?
Wake-Up Call: YOU are responsible for where you are in life. This situation you find yourself in isn't your SD's responsibility, this is your responsibility! How can you wish death upon another for your own personal gain? Be careful of the energy you put out into the universe - what you send out will come back to you.

I'll never understand people who think that someone else's death or disappearance from their lives will take care of their problems. The problems are always there because they are within you. Look at yourself and start there, if you want to find the answers.

It sucks to have to put what you want on hold for skids doesn't it? I live that shit everyday!!! AND HATE IT! And anytime I try to talk to someone I get the same response...you knew he had kids when you married him. No f***ing shit Sherlock....HOWEVER...no one told me it would be THIS hard!!!! Not that I would have listened to them anyway. I am currently in the "I just want OUT" mode too! My DH pays out the ass for CS and we are sinking fast finanically!!! I am wanting to get a second job when I really think HE should be the one to do that. He's the one with the 3 kids and the high dollar car payment....but I am the one that offered to get another job!!! He doesn't want me to get a second job because it would be bartending (BTW...I am one helluva bartender ) and someone might actually hit on me....OH NO!!! Like I am not a big girl that can take care of myself.....but I don't see his ass out there doing anything about our situation! So....to avoid going under. I WILL be getting that job and if he wants to leave.....go riddance!

****I can do bad all by myself****

There are alot of things that I can't do because of my own biological kids. So I'm more accepting of the fact that when you have children, bio or steps, there are going to be sacrifices as an adult that you have to make.

If you had a child of your own, and due to the outrageous amount you had to pay in daycare, you couldn't afford the vehicle you wanted for your family at that time, you have to settle for something more affordable...would you blame your child?

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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

I don't ever plan on having kids so that's not an issue for me. I myself would like a Bentley but that's not happening and that's no one's fault but my own! HAHA

****I can do bad all by myself****

Oh, I feel the same exact way about the house thing. We're the ones that have to stay in the district b/c Wilda doesn't give a crap and moves wherever she wants without telling us or discussing it with anyone. So it's all on us.

I'm sorry. Unfortunately there's absolutely nothing you can do about that.

Can you not take BM to court over the CS issue?

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

You need to seriously think about whether you really want to stay or not. I don't think buying a house right now would be the best idea since you are thinking about leaving. The house will just make things more complicated. They aren't going to disappear so you need to make a decision. You need to do what makes you happy and it sounds like they are making you bat shit crazy. I hope you enjoy your weekend. Take some time to yourself.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

I kinda felt the way you did, becarefulwhatuwish4....before they extended the first time homebuyers tax credit, the original end date was sometime in Nov 2009 I believe. I felt so stressed out...trying to find a house to fit our (HIS) budget, in HIS area (because HIS family lives there, his ex and kid).....it was a horrible time. I felt that I was the only one trying to race against time.....but then one day i just decided to f* it...If i don't make the 8k, it's not a big deal...

So i think u should wait to see if the SD will stay with you guys permanently or not...I'd rather do that then rush into a huge commitment such as a house...especially one you might not like. Would u rather have a lifetime of resentment everytime u step foot in the house...or an extra 2 years on mortgage( u kno, minus the 8k u would've gotten)?

I truly feel for you....if my skids decided to move in with us...it would be a murder case for the records!!

****I can do bad all by myself****

I am super sorry that u feel that way. I totally get where u are coming from, and I am soooooo happy, that I have not married my BF with his 3 kids, (youngest one is 9). What scares me the most, is I don't want to have those same over-the-top feelings u are having. And as time goes by with him, I have become somewhat resentful of his kids. He is great! Loves me to death. Perfect for me...But...the baggage with BM! I want to put a fork in my f-ing eye sometimes over her bullsh*t. Thanks for sharing your reality, as a wake-up call for some of us.

I am super sorry that u feel that way. I totally get where u are coming from, and I am soooooo happy, that I have not married my BF with his 3 kids, (youngest one is 9). What scares me the most, is I don't want to have those same over-the-top feelings u are having. And as time goes by with him, I have become somewhat resentful of his kids. He is great! Loves me to death. Perfect for me...But...the baggage with BM! I want to put a fork in my f-ing eye sometimes over her bullsh*t. Thanks for sharing your reality, as a wake-up call for some of us.

If I had a quarter for every time I

wished a meddlesome SD or in-law "dead" for interfering and making my life miserable, I'd own a condo in Florida along the Gulf of Mexico by now.

Please don't apologize for being "human". MOST people understand that lashing out in anger is HUMAN...certainly you are not purchasing weapons to "off" them or intending to poison their Easter food. (!!:) And anyone who "judges" YOU for venting is probably just projecting on YOU how they feel on themselves. Blow it off.

This really is a WONDERFUL, SUPPORTIVE site. Unfortunately, I think it is going through a "phase" right now where there is a lot of bickering. Too bad for the newbies, but us "vets" will chime in when needed and remind you that it's OK to be A HUMAN BEING. If you were PERFECT, you wouldn't need this site, now would you (or I or anyone else passing judgment...)

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt

I agree that you shouldn't feel bad for wishing them 'dead'. More than once I've had a lovely fantasy about BM having a fatal accident. I just want her GONE from my life forever and I don't care how that happens. Thankfully we aren't tried and convicted for our thoughts and fantasies, nor for admitting that we have them.

At least you were honest enough to admit to feeling that way. Many people wouldn't be comfortable enough with themselves to admit to it.

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Poison Apples For Sale - My Specialty - Cheaper by the dozen - Hurry while supplies last.
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Welcome to ST! I know that feeling, of your life having to be put on hold for a child that is not yours, and sometimes it is so easy to get caught up in blaming the child and using the child as a scapegoat for issues that come up. Your situation sounds really stressful, but I think you will find some good advice from Steptalkers. Once again, welcome, and know you are not in this thing called stepparenthood alone!

That sucks. That little girl is crazy. Sorry u have to deal with it. If he loves u enough. He will pick u, and give that crazy child back to BM, grandparents, or SS. Until she gets it together. Which is possible. But as what you describe, this little girl needs serious help.

WOW maybe I posted this while I was sleepwalking because outside of our gender, sounds like our stories are absurdly similar...becareful you are in a horrible position no doubt but you have the right attitude about not taking anymore #(*#$( from SD and also taking control of your marriage and life back. Yeah people will tell you that by taking this stance now, especially in light of the court date coming up, that any changes in custody will be blamed on you...and you know what, THAT SHOULD BE FINE IN YOUR BOOK! This kid is going to do WHATEVER she wants and has obviously learned at an early age how to play both parents against each other. They have BOTH contributed to this childs upbringing and so they bear the responsibility of how she has turned out...not you! So you should not be made to suffer one bit by that! About all your feelings, that is what this place is for, to vent and possibly get some support and maybe even some advice to help because no one knows how hard being a SP is except other SPs...Good Luck!